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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Staying up for dad



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amother
Denim


 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 9:05 pm
My 5 year old tries to stay up for dad every night. DH never gets home before 8:30, and usually after 9. I can't have him staying up that late! Sometimes he falls asleep trying to stay up and sometimes he doesn't, but either way, he goes way past his bedtime. Rewards and such do not work, nor do consequences. The only reward he wants is to see dad, and any consequence is worth it to him. Of course I understand him and feel for him, but at the end of the day, he simply can't stay up so late! And no, DH cannot get home any earlier and the situation will not be changing for the foreseeable future, so I need a way to get DS sleeping at a reasonable hour.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 9:08 pm
can you arrange to video chat with dad before your kid's bedtime? that may help.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 9:11 pm
We already do that. All the kids together. The younger ones go to sleep at their regular bedtimes without too much fuss (and don't expect to see dad before morning). The 5 year old still insists on trying to stay up for him.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 9:20 pm
my kids do this sometimes. I tell them they have to lie in bed with their eyes closed. if they're still awake when papa comes home, he'll come say good night.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 06 2016, 11:51 pm
Would it help if you schedule certain nights for staying up, that way one night is killed but at least maybe he'll be more agreeable to going to sleep on time the other nights? For example, if he goes to sleep on time Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, then he gets to stay up for Daddy on Wednesday night?
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pizza4




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 12:16 am
seeker wrote:
Would it help if you schedule certain nights for staying up, that way one night is killed but at least maybe he'll be more agreeable to going to sleep on time the other nights? For example, if he goes to sleep on time Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, then he gets to stay up for Daddy on Wednesday night?

This is a good idea!
My 4 year old also stays up until dh comes home, but now it's about 7-8:00 so not terrible. (Dh used to get home much later and I would call and put the phone on speaker and the kids would talk to him for a few minutes.)
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 4:30 am
It's his dad, and not that late. But again I'm French and function on a French schedule...
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amother
Beige


 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 3:21 pm
I also think that offering him one day a week when he can stay up late to see him is a good idea. You could also tell him he should go to sleep but you'll have your husband go and wake him up for 2 minutes when he gets home (and do this) - this works great for some kids, badly for others.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 3:30 pm
Is it possible for his father to Skype or use a similar service to say goodnight?

Personally, I'm with Ruchel on this. I'm not French, but I hated the pressure to get kids in bed early. I basically just refused to put anyone to bed before 8 p.m. I know that's not realistic for everyone -- some kids need more sleep than others and some people have no choice but to get up at 6 a.m. or so. But if there's any way possible to move back bedtime a bit, it's worth the effort.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 3:38 pm
mummiedearest wrote:
my kids do this sometimes. I tell them they have to lie in bed with their eyes closed. if they're still awake when papa comes home, he'll come say good night.


I do this too, though I don't monitor the "eyes-closed" situation....DH comes home after 8, sometimes it's closer to 8 and sometimes closer to 9....I put my DD to bed, and if she's awake, she gets a g'night hug when he comes home.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 3:46 pm
Ruchel wrote:
It's his dad, and not that late. But again I'm French and function on a French schedule...
9 isnt late for a 5 year old to go to bed?
I wont tell you what time my 8.5 year old goes to bed then Smile
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 3:58 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
9 isnt late for a 5 year old to go to bed?
I wont tell you what time my 8.5 year old goes to bed then Smile


Everything I've read always said approximately 10-12 hours for a 5-year-old. So a kid who goes to bed at 9 p.m. and gets up at 7 a.m. is within that range. When my kids were little, they often napped for an hour or so after school, and we had a family dinner around 8 p.m. I'd do quick baths after that, and they'd be in bed by 9.

Obviously, this is dependent on being able to sleep until 7 a.m. and having kids who don't need extra sleep.
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 4:26 pm
Ruchel wrote:
It's his dad, and not that late. But again I'm French and function on a French schedule...


I'm not French, but I also don't think 8:30 is that late for a 5 year old. 9 is getting late but not the end of the world. Is he tired in the morning op?
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amother
Denim


 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 5:33 pm
8:30 is the earliest, much more often he gets back after 9. DS has ADHD and really needs on the higher end of the range in terms of sleep. And we do have to be up and moving at 7. I can try the wait in bed with your eyes closed. I can also let him stay up if we know dh is getting back at 8:30.
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 07 2016, 5:42 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
9 isnt late for a 5 year old to go to bed?
I wont tell you what time my 8.5 year old goes to bed then Smile


8-1/2 year olds need 9 to 11 hours of sleep a night. So if an 8-1/2 year old needs to be up by 7, she should be asleep some time between 8 and 10. More than 12 hours is not recommended. So if the same child needs to be up at 7, she should not go to sleep before 7 pm.

The 5 year old needs 10 to 13 hours. So if he's up until 9, he should sleep until 7 to 10.

Per the National Sleep Foundation.

My kids always did well on the lower end of sleep recommendations. I could never imaging putting a child to bed before 8.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 08 2016, 1:29 am
SixOfWands wrote:
8-1/2 year olds need 9 to 11 hours of sleep a night. So if an 8-1/2 year old needs to be up by 7, she should be asleep some time between 8 and 10. More than 12 hours is not recommended. So if the same child needs to be up at 7, she should not go to sleep before 7 pm.

The 5 year old needs 10 to 13 hours. So if he's up until 9, he should sleep until 7 to 10.

Per the National Sleep Foundation.

My kids always did well on the lower end of sleep recommendations. I could never imaging putting a child to bed before 8.
My daughter has to get up at 6. Yes, early, but her bus comes at 7, school starts at 7:30, so she has to be in bed by 7:30 or she is a complete basket case in the morning (but she has always needed a lot of sleep, ever since she was born).
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 08 2016, 2:55 am
My problem is not the time he gets home... it's how excited they get when he gets home. So if he gets home any time after bedtime procedures have started, it's going to be a loooong night. He doesn't get them wound up on purpose but he doesn't know how to keep it calm either. They get excited and he feeds on that.
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nnmom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 08 2016, 8:06 am
How about a special morning ritual or routine together?
Go to sleep at the right time and Daddy will get you from your bed in the morning, play lego or whatever game he enjoys and it is their special time together.
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MMCH




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 08 2016, 8:12 am
oy we dealt with this at one point
one of my kids had a really hard time when my dh was doing his intern year of medicine, and wouldn't see the kids from friday to friday.
I think she was 4 or 5 years old prob also and would cry and cry and just wait until he came home (mind you not before 930 pm) it ruined the night for the rest of the kids it was really hard.
we made a deal with her that she could stay up late with tatty on friday and motzie shabbos playing doing wtvr she wants until whenever she wants to go to sleep but sunday through thursday she has to go to sleep when I tell her.

I think the fact that she was able to choose her bedtime on those night was so thrilling that she stopped caring so much about not seeing my dh.

for her it was just a phase, didn't last that long- bh
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