Vacationing as a Nidda

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 1:50 pm

I finally have an oppurtunity to get away with my husband. However, those dates, I will be a nidda.
Is this so bad? I think my DH is major disappointed but this is my opportunity. I feel like we can enjoy each other's company anyways.
No?

amother

Mauve

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 2:04 pm

Been there done that.
On more than one occasion.
Sometimes unexpectedly...
I can totally see both of you feeling disappointed.
I know I was.
But- Yes. For sure go anyway. And for sure you might still have a great vacation.
Hope you do!

amother

cornflower

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 2:24 pm

You may need to ask a shailah. We had this happen by accident, and were told we had to somehow turn it into a trip with a function other than a pleasure trip by accomplishing a purposeful errand. In our case, we were staying at a family-owned place, so we arranged and supervised a repair. The rest of the trip was fun. But be extra careful to make sure your hotel room has two beds, and remember a heker on the table when you go out to eat (or eat in).

amother

Peach

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 2:34 pm

Unfortunately I will be in the same situation but hopefully my mikvah night will fall during the vacation. I say still go touring out to eat, many vacation activities are fine as a niddah.

amother

Red

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 2:42 pm

amother wrote:

When you ask "is this so bad"? are you asking from the standpoint that you won't be able to enjoy the physical aspect of what a vacation can offer so is it worth it to go on vacation, or are you asking if it's halachically ok to go on vacation when your a nidda?

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 4:01 pm

amother wrote:

Emotionally, not halachicallly

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 4:34 pm

we are going on vacation today and I'm in niddah. I'm still really excited to be in a new place and spend time together ( and not work). we are going to meet up with people we know and do some touring so it won't be the type of vacation where we just spend lots of time in the hotel

yksraya

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 5:04 pm

amother wrote:

No need to ask a sheila. I'm sure OP knows the halacha espect of niddah and traveling.

OP I think you should anyway go. You can enjoy it as a vacation although it's of course not the same.

trixx

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 5:18 pm

yksraya wrote:

No need to ask a sheila. I'm sure OP knows the halacha espect of niddah and traveling.

OP I think you should anyway go. You can enjoy it as a vacation although it's of course not the same.

uh, yes you need to ask a shaila (and you are not a rav so how can you tell her not to even ASK?) Rolling Eyes

I am OCD about the halachos and you can bet we asked a rav when this exact scenario happened (even though there was absolutely no way I was going to cancel my one vacation of the year - it was basically to get a heter and not feel guilty)

we had a weeklong tropical vacation planned. I did a hefsek like the first night and went to mikvah the night we came back.

it was pretty difficult (it's a good thing I don't like ocean swimming anyways, but I had to be so annoyingly careful with even dipping my toes in...) and everything about the eating, sleeping was a pain, but overall we had a great time and a lot of fond memories and we made sure to do a whole range of activities, not just water ones. definitely a different kind of vacation.

yksraya

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 6:30 pm

trixx wrote:

uh, yes you need to ask a shaila (and you are not a rav so how can you tell her not to even ASK?) Rolling Eyes

the bolded is why you asked and why you had such a hard time.
It's not a shaila whether one can go on vacation or not when nidda, there are certain halachas involved, but if you know them you don't need to ask.

amother

Pink

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 6:57 pm

yksraya wrote:

It's not a shaila whether one can go on vacation or not when nidda, there are certain halachas involved, but if you know them you don't need to ask.

I learned it is 100% a sheila if you can go on a strictly pleasure vacation when nidda - so it isn't so simple to say just go. You aren't allowed to.

There are leniencies and ways around it that a rav can help with if possible. (Like you can travel to visit family, take care of business, turn it into a business trip, etc. ) There are also activities that can be an issue (such as sitting in a smallish boat, swimming, touring in a bus, etc)

This maybe an ashkanzi specific minhag.
http://www.yoatzot.org/questio.....d=877
http://www.neveh.org/morgan/ni......html
http://www.yoatzot.org/questio.....d=828

yksraya

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 7:41 pm

amother wrote:

If it's the bolded it's not a sheila anymore...
OP said vacation, she did not say "romantic gataway" or things of that sort. Everyone should use their sechel.

yksraya

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 8:05 pm

amother wrote:

strictly pleasure doesn't mean going to have s*xual pleasure. It means going on vacation to relax and get away for no specific reason.

Again, there are halachos, I agree, but there is no need to ask a sheila abt it.
I was taught that if that happens you just give yourself a reason other than just the vacation. For example, if you go shopping too, the trip is a shopping trip. if you'll be visiting kevarim it's a kivrei tzadikim tour or wtvr..if you visit someone there, than it's already ok.
Besides, not everyone holds by the same minhagim/chumra's/gedarim and even halacha is percieved differently by different poskim so it's not as black and white. Everyone should do what they know is right based on what they were taught.

pause

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 8:05 pm

I too learned that one should not go on vacation as a couple when nidda. Even taking a long walk (only as a couple) should be done with a purpose, for example, taking a package to someone, doing an errand on the way, or visiting family.

I'm not telling OP not to go, but it IS a shaila to be asked.

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Dec 08 2016, 8:14 pm

The only vacation DH and I have taken just the two of us after we had kids occurred while I was in a period of prolonged nidda. This was after an extremely difficult year with a lot of hardships and we had just experienced a pregnancy loss after many unsuccessful cycles of fertility treatments. DH had a particular time period he could get away from work and the timing was good for our parents to take care of our children. So we took the opportunity to go away and recharge our emotional batteries.

It was an amazing vacation even though we couldn't touch. It was exactly what we needed at that point in our lives. We were able to truly relax and enjoy spending time together and explore our surroundings without having to worry about bedtime and other child centric scheduling.

OP, the vacation might not be what you had hoped for but if you change your expectations then you will hopefully have a wonderful time. Vacations are good for the soul. We all need an occasional break from our daily lives but we often don't have the opportunity to take such a break. Grab your chance while you can!