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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions
Asei Lecha Rav



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amother
Brunette


 

Post Sat, Dec 10 2016, 5:49 pm
When you were single did you have a rabbi you were close to? Was it a comfortable relationship? Did you ever feel uncomfortable? Did you feel that he provided something your female teachers could not? What do you felt he could provide? Did you discuss hashkafa with him? Or straight halacha qs?
For ladies that are married, do you still keep in touch with your old rav? Do you feel that after you got married, hadracha comes from your husbands rav/rebbe?
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amother
Purple


 

Post Sat, Dec 10 2016, 6:18 pm
I never had "MY" rav till a few years ago. Had a neighbor who was a rav whom I occasionally asked shailas growing up. Dh never had "his"rav either .The rav of the shul is now "his" rav. After marriage I asked our shul rav a few shailas usually about kashris and he was only so-so, not that good about getting back to me if he had to look s/t up. Then he retired and we got a more up-to-date rav who answers shailos very fast thanks to his having a smartphone. Sorry, but I would slit my own wrists before asking a man questions about TH. FTR I also have a female ob/gyn so I'm consistent. My shul happens to have a yoetzet halacha which is fabulous, too bad I've aged out of needing her services.
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Sat, Dec 10 2016, 6:47 pm
I have my own Rav. Sadly my husband doesn't really have one. He is very learned though and I often use him as my rav. For hashkafa I mostly would ask my rav. Day to day kitchen and muktza questions I ask my husband.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Sat, Dec 10 2016, 10:20 pm
do you think it is appropriate for single girls to have close keshers with rebbeim? Would you feel comfortable if your husband was said rav?
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 11 2016, 12:05 am
I always had my own Rav when I was single. I was never alone with him, there was nothing inappropriate. We don't live in the same community so he's not "our" Rav. But I am very much in touch with him and his wife -- I was always close with her as well.
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MitzadSheini




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 11 2016, 12:16 am
OP- is your husband a Rav who teaches ladies who are not married, and if so, does this bother you? I always found it a little strange that in a society which was so into separation of the sexes they would ever have a Rabbi (male, obviously) teach in a seminary for women. But how do YOU feel?
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Sun, Dec 11 2016, 12:24 am
OP here. not my DH. it came up in convo with a friend who said her DH counsels young single women. So it got me to thinking how I would feel. I don't think I would want it, but then who will counsel these single women if no rav will want to counsel them to begin with? Then they are left confused and lost... no one wins here.
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fiji




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 11 2016, 12:43 am
Yes, I did. I had two different ravs that I spoke to. It was very important for me as I got older and started thinking about things more. My rav helped me choose what career made most sense for me, and help in shiduchim. I am still in touch with one of them today ( probably because he became my husbands rebbi Too)
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pizza4




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 11 2016, 12:47 am
Hopefully he's a licensed professional. Then as long as he maintains the proper boundaries, yichud etc, I'd say that's perfectly fine.
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 11 2016, 1:49 am
amother wrote:
OP here. not my DH. it came up in convo with a friend who said her DH counsels young single women. So it got me to thinking how I would feel. I don't think I would want it, but then who will counsel these single women if no rav will want to counsel them to begin with? Then they are left confused and lost... no one wins here.

Rabbanim also counsel married women, divorced women, women contemplating divorce, etc.
I've had several Rabbanim with whom I've had close, professional appropriate "Rav-shul goer" relationships with. The door was never locked, nothing inappropriate ever happened.
Everyone deserves a Rav. My rebbetzin has also helped single guys with dating issues. Is that also not appropriate? She deals with them the same way her husband deals with single women.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Sun, Dec 11 2016, 2:01 am
When I was single, I mostly asked my father any shailas I had. In seminary, we had a very well-known posek who taught us, and we did ask him personal shailas also. He was already a grandfather then which I'm sure made it less awkward. Now that I'm married over 20 years ka"h, I still ask him shailos.

DH doesn't ask him for the simple reason that DH doesn't do phone calls easily and this Ravi is not local to us. He mostly prefers to ask avreichim in the kollel who have smicha and are qualified to answer.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 12 2016, 9:44 am
amother wrote:
do you think it is appropriate for single girls to have close keshers with rebbeim? Would you feel comfortable if your husband was said rav?


Close in what sense? As a surrogate father the way bocherim have an intense personal relationship with their rebbeim? No. As a religious resource to answer halachic questions? Whyever not? I'm assuming they adhere to rules of yichud and the relationship remains professional, not personal.
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Forrealx




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 09 2017, 6:31 am
I ask different rabbonim when I was single and now. Some rabbonim were like 10 year older so I used them more like a big brother. One I see them like as my 2nd parents. The Gemorre said when you teach someone judaism, yiddishkeit or toire it is like to teach your child as a parent. So I think you have to see it like that. My hb is familiar with halacha but I'm questioning him always so if I don't want to believe him I'm te stubborn one who is going to look up and asking rabbonim.
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