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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Vort gift?



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amother
Lavender


 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 7:58 am
What would be an appropriate gift for the parents of the groom to bring the kallah's parents at the first meeting?
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 8:12 am
This may b cultural and therefore worthwhile to specify what community you are in.

In my community no gifts were exchanged at the first meeting.

My parents sent a gift (nice set of haggadahs) for the first yom tov (pesach) but it wasn't reciprocated and is definitely not to be expected

In my MO machmir community
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 8:23 am
The subject of this thread is "vort gift" and yet you are asking about the first meeting. Who's first meeting is this? Is the vort taking place at the parents first meeting? Is this a bshow? Is the couple already engaged, but the parents have not yet met? Can you please provide more details, as this looks like its nuanced and this board is very diverse.
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 8:43 am
Called it "vort gift" for lack of a better term. The couple is already engaged and we are meeting the parents at their home for the first time to discuss wedding details. I believe dinner will be served but it will not be followed by people coming in to wish mazal tov.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 8:47 am
Since you're going to their house, how about flowers?
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 9:22 am
A bottle of wine?
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OOTBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 12:41 pm
We've done things like a crystal or silver item.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 2:29 pm
They get engaged but haven't met the parents?!
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 3:13 pm
Ruchel wrote:
They get engaged but haven't met the parents?!


The parents haven't met each other. MO parents aren't so much involved in their children's courtships, and couples tend to get engaged in private without informing the immediate world when and where the event is going to take place. Kids meet each other's parents but the parents don't meet till afterwards, when it's time to plan the wedding. Vorts as such are not an MO thing in any case, though with the drift to the right many MOs are adopting more RW customs--especially if they have to do with an excuse for a party.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 3:27 pm
What zaq said. Dh and I had met each other's parents by the time we got engaged, but they never met each other. I don't recall if any gifts were exchanged at the first meeting (a lovely family dinner), but a bottle of wine or the like would be appropriate.
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cbg




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 14 2016, 10:43 pm
A tray of chocolates and something for L'chaim
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 15 2016, 7:10 am
Interesting! Unless it's a blitz engagement, I would find it so surprising that the parents didn't meet before!
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Thu, Dec 15 2016, 8:49 am
I never heard that you give a vort gift. But it maybe a culture thing. If anything you give the yom tov that follows the engagement. Like purim we got a mishloach monos-decanter and glass cups.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 15 2016, 9:08 am
A nice something for their house
A crystal something
A wall hanging
Something for the shabbos table

Ask your son what type they are.
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OOTBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 15 2016, 11:30 am
Ruchel wrote:
Interesting! Unless it's a blitz engagement, I would find it so surprising that the parents didn't meet before!

In our circles (US, Yeshivish), it is common that the parents don't meet until the couple knows they are getting engaged. Usually the parents meet while the couple goes out and makes it "official".
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