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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Ginger
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 Thu, Dec 15 2016, 12:23 pm
I have a quite a dilemma. My toddler attends a non-jewish, special needs school. I don't have any experience with gifts in this situation. I would love to show my appreciation, but I don't know what is considered appropriate and I am flummoxed by the sheer number of gifts I will have to give. There is a morning bus driver and a matron, an afternoon bus driver and a matron, a regular teacher, a special ed teacher, two assistants, and 3 therapists! That's eleven people. I actually really dislike the morning bus driver and matron and I don't know the teacher who was out on maternity leave until a month ago. But I feel obligated to give them anyway because it is expected. I am really incredibly grateful for all that the people at the school do for my child, but I cannot afford to give substantial gifts to so many people, especially because I am expected to give the Rebbeim, teachers and office staff at my sons' yeshiva.
Help! Whom do I give? What do I give? How can this be even remotely affordable? I don't want to snub anyone or come off as cheap or tacky. I am in Brooklyn if it makes a difference.
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mommy3b2c
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Thu, Dec 15 2016, 12:36 pm
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I think get everyone a box of Godiva chocolates. Bigger for the teachers and therapists. Smaller for drivers and matrons.
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Miri7
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Thu, Dec 15 2016, 12:50 pm
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It's nice to give a consumable as teachers end up with a lot of tchotchkes each year. Most important is a kind note of appreciation. Mommy3b2c's idea of fancy chocolate is good.
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amother
Sienna
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Thu, Dec 15 2016, 1:47 pm
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Don't scrimp on one school and give fancy at the other. All teachers work hard plus there is the kiddush HaShem factor.
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sky
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Thu, Dec 15 2016, 2:22 pm
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(Perhaps giving the gift to the ones you don't like will help improve the situation?)
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essie14
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Thu, Dec 15 2016, 2:24 pm
Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts gift cards are nice for bus drivers and similar. ($5-10)
Amazon gift card for teacher/therapist.
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amother
Firebrick
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Thu, Dec 15 2016, 5:17 pm
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Make sure they are even allowed to get gifts. It's unprofessional certainly to expect!
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amother
Ginger
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Sat, Dec 17 2016, 8:01 pm
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oliveoil
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Sat, Dec 17 2016, 8:59 pm
Gotta love it when people bump up a thread as if it received no responses at all.
How about acknowledging and thanking those who took the time to try and help you OP?
If you're still looking for more, that's fine, but you might want to refine your question so people can be more helpful.
Doing it like this is just downright rude.
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amother
Brunette
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Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:01 pm
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Why not ask other parents in the school what they do?
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amother
Ginger
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Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:21 pm
Really Oliveoil? I have never on this site called someone out as rude before, but actually I think you are being rude. I certainly appreciate the responses I received, other than yours, which was only to criticize, and not to provide any advice. I re-read my original post and I don't see how it could have been any clearer. The reasons I bumped this up are: 1) I was hoping to get a larger number of responses to see what people thought on a whole 2) I was hoping to hear from people who have been in similar situations, and so far nobody has 3) nobody addressed all the issues -- [a]how much is appropriate to give each individual, [b] is anybody supposed to receive cash gifts and [c] do I have to give all of them?
Last edited by amother on Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Nemma#1
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Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:21 pm
[color=blue] [/color
The school's PA (parents association) likely has gift giving guidelines, suggestions or
collections if indeed gift giving is permitted.
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amother
Mustard
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Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:26 pm
| amother wrote: | | Really Oliveoil? I have never on this site called someone out as rude before, but actually I think you are being rude. I certainly appreciate the responses I received, other than yours, which was only to criticize, and not to provide any advice. I re-read my original post and I don't see how it could have been any clearer. The reasons I bumped this up are: 1) I was hoping to get a larger number of responses to see what people thought on a whole 2) I was hoping to hear from people who have been in similar situations, and so far nobody has 3) nobody addressed all the issues -- [a]how much is appropriate to give each individual, [b] is anybody supposed to receive cash gifts and [c] do I have to give all of them? |
She could've said it nicer. But thanking the previous posters would've automatically bumped up the thread at the same time as acknowledgimg those who responded. And you can also ask for more info. All in one post
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amother
Ginger
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Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:28 pm
My child takes the bus to and from school, and the school is pretty strict about confidentiality, so I don't know any of the other parents. It's getting pretty close to gift-giving time, but I haven't received any notes about gift giving guidelines from the Parents Association and have no clue how to contact them.
Also, the school has nothing to do with the bus company, they are two distinct entities, so that still leaves the bus drivers and matrons. I do like the idea of Dunkin Donuts gift cards, just wanted to hear some more about it and more opinions. If I do give the gift cards, am I supposed to give anything with the cards, or just hand them each a card?
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amother
Mistyrose
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Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:58 pm
I work at such a school, -albeit a Jewish one. I have to say that although not required, showing appreciation is most definitely appreciated.
If you don't want to spend much, writing out a nice card, and sending a collective something (box of choc, Donuts etc ) is enough. If you do want to give more, gift cards/checks are always appreciated. Generally, teachers and therapists receive more $ than driver, matron.
My position is more therapist type than teacher. I always appreciate a nicely written card. I've gotten from a range of a small something, to checks, gift cards and box of choc. Mainly the thought that counts.
I did have one child who I particularly put in a lot of work wth him, and received the same package (which incl a small gift), as all his teachers, secretaries etc. I definitely was a little disappointed, and felt under-appreciated. If somebody is going out of their way, and putting in more than they have to into your child, please do acknowledge that!
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amother
Periwinkle
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Sun, Dec 18 2016, 12:49 am
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essie14
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Sun, Dec 18 2016, 3:09 am
| amother wrote: | My child takes the bus to and from school, and the school is pretty strict about confidentiality, so I don't know any of the other parents. It's getting pretty close to gift-giving time, but I haven't received any notes about gift giving guidelines from the Parents Association and have no clue how to contact them.
Also, the school has nothing to do with the bus company, they are two distinct entities, so that still leaves the bus drivers and matrons. I do like the idea of Dunkin Donuts gift cards, just wanted to hear some more about it and more opinions. If I do give the gift cards, am I supposed to give anything with the cards, or just hand them each a card? |
Yes,you write a nice note - "Thank you for taking such good care of [child] on the bus. Happy Holidays!"
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imasinger
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Sun, Dec 18 2016, 6:00 am
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Many schools have policies. Before doing anything, I'd suggest asking the school secretary what people generally do, and if the school has any rules.
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Raisin
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Sun, Dec 18 2016, 7:06 am
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I usually give a box of chocolates this time of year to non Jewish teachers. Something bigger at the end of the year.
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