DD helps herself all the time

amother

Gold

Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:08 pm

This morning, dd age 4 woke up the family a bit early than usual. So I told her go play in your bedroom- I keep books and puzzles there for this reason. So they went there (she and two younger siblings) and then got bored and went downstairs to play. I didn't realize, I was still half-sleeping.
Anyway, by the time I got myself up and ready I knew from the suspicious sounds coming from downstairs that she was helping herself to food from the pantry. Now, I definitely have no problem with her taking something to eat if she's hungry, and I even keep a bag of pretzels on a low shelf. But seriously, you had to see it to believe it. The counter was full of cookies, wafers, candies, chocolate gelt, and crackers! And she was dividing it all into little baggies...
I love her, I really do. When she does things like this however I feel like tearing my hair out! Not to mention the mess and crumbs everywhere.
Wise mothers on imamother, what is the appropriate reaction to such a thing?

amother

Gold

Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:20 pm

oliveoil wrote:

The appropriate reaction is to either get up with her, or decide that staying in bed is worth whatever mess she might get into.

Lol.

I deserve that. I know I should've gotten up right away. But I should say that she does this all the time, and if I leave for 2 minutes to the bathroom, I know that I can come back and find her taking things that she knows aren't allowed! And I get so annoyed! I usually make sure to set her up with something like a toy or snack before going but it doesn't help. As soon as she sees I'm not there, she helps herself. And I'm tired of being the bad guy.

MagentaYenta

Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:28 pm

amother wrote:

Lol.

Is she taking things other than food? If it was a sleep in morning my DD always had access to cereal and milk and knew where to eat it. She would go back in her room and play. Not all 4 year olds can do this. You also mentioned she had other younger siblings with her. Not a good or a safe idea. I recognize mothers crave sleep like the starving crave food but parents get to be responsible for their kids.

Teomima

Sat, Dec 17 2016, 9:29 pm

Don't keep junk food around the house.

I know it's not easy if your family is used to having this nosh around, but really the only answer, if you can't control your daughters access to the pantry, is to make sure there's nothing in there you have issues with her taking.

Personally we never keep junk around the house. I don't want the temptation, for the kids or for me. We keep dried nuts and fruit around for free snacking, plus nonsugary cereal, plain yogurt, fresh fruit, and sometimes homemade popcorn. I have no problem with them helping themselves to anything they want.

simcha2

Sat, Dec 17 2016, 10:00 pm

Sounds like she was making a project out of helping her younger siblings. Doesn't even seen like she ate that much of it, more that she was dividing everything and making snack bags. Kol hakavod on an independent, creative and responsible daughter. Look for the positive. I would give her praise and guidance. "Chani, what a beautiful job looking after Yanki and Moshe. I see that you were sharing beautifully and making sure that everyone had a snack. That shows such kindness. Let's remember to use healthy snacks for everyone, I'll put things for you next time on this shelf. Now let me help you tidy up your beautiful work"

amother

Crimson

Sat, Dec 17 2016, 10:23 pm

my dc are like that too but at this age even if they know better they are not always old enough to think about what come out of there action and just act on impulse "cat is away mice come out to play" I make sure my house is childproof and anything I dont want them to get there hands on, is locked away like art supplies, soap, If I oversleep I know I might find them jumping on there beds or some other crazy activity I dont usualy let but I just tell them sternly even if mommy is not there we dont do it. Lately every shabbos they have been getting up before me and playing beutifuly together when I come inside they proudly tell me how they are playing nice and I reward them by reading them a book or playing a game with them. This motivates them and I rewarded them every week except one when they were fighting

amother

Ecru

Sat, Dec 17 2016, 10:23 pm

I think OP is more frustrated about the mess than it being unhealthy.
I agree with the poster that said put locks on the cabinets.
Also in the bathroom, medicine cabinets and where you keep the detergents.
Keep one cabinet open just for them. In that cabinet you put a limited amount of snacks. Preferably already portioned out. You can also keep portioned baggies of cereal.
I also agree with the poster to praise her on wanting to take care of her siblings.
Be very careful if she can figure out how to reach medicines.
She's trying to be like mommy, and if she thinks someone doesn't feel well she might want to give them medicine.

It's time to review safety rules, as well.
Make sure she has a clear understanding of what is safe.
AND IF SHE DOESNT KNOW, SHE ASKS MOMMY.

seeker

Sat, Dec 17 2016, 10:31 pm

Have you tried rewarding her for sticking to allowed things when you're not there?

Really, though, a 4-year-old with two younger siblings shouldn't be unsupervised for more than a minute or two. That's not so ok. I feel for you because it must be so hard to be constantly on duty with three little ones, but that's just the way it is.

I try to have the kids play in MY bedroom when they wake up before I'm ready - not send them to their bedroom. That way when I'm half asleep, the other half of me can listen into what they're up to.

amother

Gold

Sat, Dec 17 2016, 11:21 pm

I try omg I try so hard I keep telling her please just ask me before! All the posters that said that she's trying to be like mommy, your right! She's a most creative, independent and dangerous kid!
No, she doesn't only take food. Once it was raw eggs. Once it was scissors, (gave herself a haircut) peelers, photo albums, anything really! I can't lock away the whole house! And anyway she can open every lock. She'll get a chair and climb up to reach higher shelves.
About keeping them in my room in the morning- I'd gladly do that! But then dh gets upset that he can't sleep Rolling Eyes

What's the magic formula to get her to ask me before doing things? And to listen?
I should say that I usually stay pretty calm and deal with whatever mess it is.

amother

Vermilion

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 1:51 am

amother wrote:

Lol.

Personally I commend her ability to feed herself. I have older kids than that who are less industrious. As she gets older, pg the mess will get a bit less. I say enjoy your sleep in and let her enjoy her independence.

oliveoil

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 2:23 am

amother wrote:

What's the magic formula to get her to ask me before doing things? And to listen?
I should say that I usually stay pretty calm and deal with whatever mess it is.

The "magic formula" is to remember that she's only 4, even though she has a couple of younger siblings which probably makes her seem older.

5*Mom

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 5:36 am

oliveoil wrote:

The "magic formula" is to remember that she's only 4, even though she has a couple of younger siblings which probably makes her seem older.

This. This is the problem. She seems older to you because of the younger kids but in this context, 4 is a baby. There is no magic formula. She needs to be supervised. I'm sorry, it's really, really hard at this stage with a bunch of little little kids, maybe even the hardest stage, but the good news is it does get better!

FranticFrummie

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 7:55 am

I'll never forget the time DD, 2 years old, woke me up to ask me how to turn on the stove. shock

You bet I woke up fast for that!

B'H, my stove was the type with the knobs way at the back, instead of the front like most models. She had made herself scrambled eggs. I was impressed, I didn't even know she could open the refrigerator. She had the eggs in the pan (shells and all LOL

) all mixed up with milk, and she even cut up some cheese to go with it. She had the dairy pan and dairy spatula.

I praised her for getting the right pan and utensil for dairy, told her about separating eggs, and THEN I warned her about using the stove. I made sure she knew that that was a mommy job, and that she needs to wake me up if she wants something hot to eat.

TWO YEARS OLD! Can you believe it?

The next morning, she had pulled a chair over to the sink, and washed all of the plates, stacking them neatly in the drainer. The PAPER PLATES, mind you. LOL

G-d bless her little heart.

The morning after that, she took a whole container of diaper wipes, and a paper bag. She cleaned one square of kitchen tile, and put the wipe in the bag, repeat, repeat. By the time I woke up, the kitchen was spotless, we were out of wipes, and she was SO proud.

*sigh* She's 13 now. She sits on the computer chatting with her friends, and yells "Mama! Can you get me a glass of water?" How do they go from being so industrious, to so flippin' lazy?

amother

Violet

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 9:15 am

Yupee doo. I got two year old and four year old that independent and plain dangerous. Not all kids are that independent so not everyone gets it. You try and try your best and then know that G-D has special angels watching children. I had a three year old who watched his dad prepare the shabbos candles and Friday night got up and put out all the candles. At first I couldnt figure out how a breeze came in and blew them all out...He also managed to turn off the entire electricity when we first moved and I hadn't even found the mains yet. I was in the kitchen listening to him at that time. At that point I was ready to just cry. And I realized that although I still obsess about childproofing its really in G-Ds hands. I'm human. He gave me the chld and I do my best. Btw this child is the sweetest kid whose Morahs adore him. I try and balance a feeding of their fierce need to be independently grown up, hoveringand child proofing, laughing and a sense of humor and lowering expectations of my home...
And agree with FF then he's 12. And - I wish he'd been so "dependent" at two..

cbg

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 3:29 pm

When they are this independent you need to teach them safety rules.
Go to the library and take out different kids safety books.
Ask the librarian.
Review and Reward, Review and Reward, Review and Reward.
Make projects that remind them what they can and can't do.

Perhaps make a poster that says, when I'm bored I can, and have the picture of 3 activities they can choose from. Switch the activities every month. This way she can assert her independence by choosing. Have her choose the 3 activities every Rosh Chodesh.

Reward them with Shabbat afternoon party. Make a schedule of what they need to do on Shabbat. She can be the Morah that makes sure all the safety rules and schedules are done. Eat breakfast, get dressed, daven (she can be the Morah/chazanit), go for a walk or play, help get lunch ready, lunch,play time, clean up, Shabbat party.

Also, you need to find locks she can't open. There are locks that can only be opened with a magnetic key.
Also lock the refrigerator, bathroom cabinets, and toilet.

It really can become a safety issue. Better safe than sorry.