LW MO school in Brooklyn?

nylon

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 4:04 pm

amother wrote:

Bnos Leah is MO. Yeshiva ahavas hatorah for boys. Also todays day mo means something different then MO of yesterday. mo always meant you kept the halachos but you didnt cover your hair & wore pants (young israel 30 years ago). Todays days mo can mean that you wear a shaitel & skirt but you are more modern. I imagine that you are referring to the todays days mo. I suggested the schools that would cater to that.

Bnos Leah meaning Prospect?

That is not MO. Prospect falls between MO and BY.

You'll find parents most like you at Yeshiva of Flatbush. Shulamith has traditionally been a little less modern. They frown on coed summer camps for example.

amother

Green

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 4:08 pm

nylon wrote:

Lol, I was wondering which school Bnos Leah was and why it had never registered on my radar. And why it sounded so Bais Yaakovey.

Shulamith is less modern than YOF, but there's still enough space and variety if OP and her husband need to compromise.

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 5:12 pm

amother wrote:

No offense but Chaim Berlin is yeshivish and you would feel terribly out of place

No offense taken, I know I wouldn't fit in at all.
It is So frustrating because my husband is way too idealistic about sending our kids to a "religious" school. He doesn't understand there is more to it. Or refuses to admit it.
He even suggested lying on application forms regarding internet or Tv or whatever. Not only is that wrong but it doesn't solve anything!

doctorima

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 5:45 pm

It sound like you have bigger issues than just which school to send to. Is DH okay with the level of mitzvah observance you describe - pants, no hair covering, TV, etc.? If so, why does he want to send to a school where these things are all forbidden?

You wouldn't have a chance of getting in, which would actually be in your best interest, as it would be traumatizing to put a kid from a home environment like yours into a school where the hashkafa and parent body are diametrically opposed.

And if DH is in fact opposed to what you described, then you need to sort out your marriage before your kids. I would suggest sitting down with him and discussing values and priorities for the family, for yourselves and your children, and once you're on the same page, then try to find a school that accurately reflects where you're at. Just know that YOF is increasingly becoming Sefardi. The number of Ashkenazim in Flatbush who are as you described yourself is rapidly dwindling.

nylon

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 6:07 pm

I think your dh needs to understand that modern orthodox schools are still religious. Just like you are. Does he expect you to switch to wearing skirts and a sheitel because that the expectation of the school?

Not only will a school like Chaim Berlin or Prospect not accept you in all likelihood, your kids will spend their time being told that what their parents do is wrong.

Luria Academy, by the way, is Montessori if that interests you. Mazal is aimed at Russian families (Russian is a mandatory subject).

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 6:32 pm

doctorima wrote:

I know. I have already told him all this. It is so frustrating. Why would I want my child going somewhere where she will be told her parents are wrong? There is just no way.
He doesn't seem to understand any of this. He thinks we can counter any of this negative stuff by teaching them right from wrong at home. This is horribly naive! If kids are in school and hearing these things all day long and seeing something different at home, it will confuse them and they will probably resent the school AND their parents.

Like I said, I had no idea he thought this way until we got married. His thinking is so black and white.
Also, his rav has told him that anything "modern" is bad. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 7:31 pm

I brought up my concerns tonight and a whole argument ensued. He tells me I don't understand because I didn't grow up in the yeshiva system, I don't know what I'm talking about and that our child "will go to a good, proper school, zehu."

He says he is 100% ok with them teaching our child "the truth" even if that conflicts with the way we live at home. He is completely unwilling to compromise. He says if we don't agree then he guesses our child won't be going to school at all.

This all feels like emotional manipulation to me.

This isn't the first time he's tried to unilaterally make decisions. It started after I got pregnant. I am seriously considering the possibility of separating in the future. I am so tired of fighting and him thinking he calls the shots. I am really distressed. We've tried a year or more of couples therapy and things are not improving.

Ps: he told me our child will be hurt either way, either from not going to a proper school or "not having two parents together" and "you decide".

doctorima

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 7:53 pm

As I suspected, there are much bigger issues here than just which school to choose. I don't understand how he mentally reconciles a Rav who tells him that "anything modern is bad" (your words) with a wife wearing pants, not covering her hair, watching TV, etc. Not judging you in any way, just saying that these seem somewhat contradictory. Maybe you could go together to his Rabbi who's told him these things and discuss who you are and why he married you, and your concerns about these mixed messages to the children.

If you do want to humor him, you could let him go ahead and apply to a school like Chaim Berlin that he dreams of, knowing that when they look into your family, they'll find out the truth, and you won't get in. Plenty of people who do belong in there can't even get in! And then the school can be the bad guy, not you, at which point maybe he'll work with you to find a reasonable, acceptable alternative.

dimyona

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 8:36 pm

I grew up in the chareidi community and kind of understand both sides. Have you considered the option of paying privately for a "heimish" tutor/rebbe to learn with your children a couple of times a week?

It is true that most MO schools do not offer the same level of foundational torah knowledge or proficiency in Gemara etc, usually because of the excellent secular studies curriculum.

As someone who's gone more left wing, this is something I'm definitely considering for when my kids get older. I want them to be able to "speak the language" of both worlds.

Good luck with your situation. I know it's not easy Sad

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 8:54 pm

dimyona wrote:

I'd be open to a tutor but my husband isn't at all. Anything other than a Chaim Berlin/Mir/BY type school isn't acceptable to him.

Based on what he said to me earlier, its as if he is now giving me an ultimatum; either capitulate to his demand to send DD to a very religious school or she will grow up with parents who aren't together (both which will be my fault).

doctorima

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 9:23 pm

So tell him you were researching online, and found out that Chaim Berlin and Mir only take boys whose fathers wear black hats and learn daily, don't watch TV or movies or listen to secular music, etc., and ask if he's ready to take on those things to make sure his son gets the education he's convinced is right for him. What would he say to this?

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Dec 18 2016, 9:30 pm

doctorima wrote:

Honestly he was so intense about it earlier that he'd
probably agree.
He's not even a fit for such schools!
He brought up a rabbi he knows whose kids go to schools like this. I said, well of course, he is a rabbi and the school and home values are similar! That works for their family!
He told me one has nothing to do with the other, the parents don't need to fit in, I don't know what I'm talking about etc. He says I am causing problems in our marriage and won't "mess" with our child's education and Torah learning.
He himself has a smartphone, plays video games, watches TV, listens to secular music, wears a baseball cap (the only black hat he wears..) yet he says he is 100% "fine" with a school teaching our child that's all "wrong".

Sigh

It's hopeless.