Vent | Imamother

amother

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 8:53 pm

I really need to say some things that have to be said. Before I start my "letter" to the principal, I need to give some background information. Bare with me:
A close relative of mine had to switch schools now because she was being hounded by some classmates of hers for no good reason. On top of all that, one of the principals in the school should not be in chinuch whatsoever for allowing this. She let the abuse, emotional and verbal continue for the last couple of years and just did nothing about it. In fact this past year was the worst. This is my letter to her:

Dearest "Principal"

You have no right being in chinuch. Your job is to help us parents raise our children to be loving individuals. Love each other like we love ourselves. Your job is to ensure that our children grow up knowing that any problem they have in school, no matter who or what will be taken care of. YOU FAILED MISERABLY. To take a child and just break her???? How could you??? Your job should be to make a child, not break her. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??? To tell this child because she's heavy, thats why she doesnt study well? EXCUSE ME?? what has one got to do with the other? for your information, this child is not heavy at all. She's a bit chubby but thats who she is. To tell her that you know that when she comes home from school she doesnt study, just goes to play and thats it. YOU KNOW??!!! what, you have a camera installed in her house and you see her 24/7? In case you haven't seen her report cards, I think she's doing very well with 90's and 100's on tests. And then when she complains to you (I think this is your job) that there are girls in her class who make fun of her, who torture the daylights out of her, who get all the girls in her class to gang up against her, you tell her she doesnt know what she's talking about??? And when the other principal and the teachers were ready to switch classes to at least let her have a bearable few more months in school, you block them?? you say no??!! What the H--L is the matter with you??? What do you have against her?? Why pick on her? She's an innocent child who doesnt know how to defend herself. Why does she have to come home every day crying that again and again the girls in her class, the girls on the bus just dont stop?? Do you want to kill her?? If you have something against her parents, by all means attack them, dont take it out on an innocent child? Have you even thought of the repercussions of doing such a thing?
And then when the parents decide to switch her schools because enough is enough, you still have to give bad information?? what kind of a pleasure do you get out of seeing this child ruined for life C"V?? Her mother is a complainer???? well, if you can't stop the girls from killing her daughters self esteem, what else should she do, stand by and watch her die before her eyes?? She's very sensitive. You try being hounded day in and day out and you tell me how sensitive youll be. She doesnt know her work well?? HELLO!!! are you a principal or not??!! And now when you start the new year you tell this girl's previous class, now you can all begin to write in pen, --------- -------- is not in our school anymore. Oh, so HER handwriting was keeping the class from getting their pens??
I can't even begin to describe my disgust with people like you. One thing you should know, there's a special place in gehinnom for people just like you. People in chinuch who were supposed to make a child, not break them. I think they're reserving the hottest seat for you.
In case you havent realized, we're in the days before rosh hashana and Yom kippur, Hashem doesn't forgive people who havent asked for forgiveness for hurting others ESPECIALLY CHILDREN. You can daven and cry all you want, nothing will help you until you personally ask mechila from this troubled little girl that you helped become the way she is. NOTHING.

bluesclues

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 8:59 pm

I'm crying for this little girl
I hope she has a better year in her new school

amother

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 9:01 pm

This girls mother doesnt let me call the principal or mail her this letter because she's afraid she'll call the new school and have her kicked out. aaarrrrgggggggh!!!!!!! I"M ANGRY!! Exploding anger

amother

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 9:17 pm

I'm so sorry for the child. she should grow, and prosper and be happy.

Mimisinger

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 9:29 pm

I'm very sorry for the little girl, but I do understand why her mother wouldn't want you to send this letter. It's very combative which only causes people to get defensive. Maybe you could write a letter that could be more constructive and less capital letters and question marks? But I understand your frustration adn sympathize with your situation.

southernbubby

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 10:44 pm

I think that both people in chinuch and parents should keep a written log of incidents, complaints, whom they spoke to, what action was taken, etc sort of like "nurses notes". The principal may have a side to the story but also may not have a good excuse. I have seen principals that were disliked by enough people that they were let go. It might also be the case that the principal asked the child's parents to take certain actions and the parents refused to do so.
While some children are teased when they have done absolutely nothing wrong, some are provoking the teasing and the other children do not know how to handle the provocation. If the teachers and principals had recorded the incidents and likewise if the parents had recorded what the child told them and what they did about it, a clearer picture would emerge.
While in the hospital with my dad, I watched a TV show called Judge Judy. Often the people who appeared innocent were actually the ones in the wrong. In each case, written or taped documentation was able to verify which side was right.

zeldy

Tue, Sep 04 2007, 11:23 pm

This is some crazy new york thing. I have never heard of children being treated like that anywhere else. The situation in NY chinuch has gotten way out of control. It is totally the principal's market and the parents and children often lose out.

People don't forget these kinds of things. It is not much different than child abuse and a secular school system would have been sued for much less.

southernbubby

Wed, Sep 05 2007, 11:18 am

While I also pictured New York, nowhere in the OPs post does it specify that the school is in NY. There are many communities with several schools. She does identify the child as sensitive. Often sensitive children cry about situations that the other children have outgrown crying over and children automatically reject anyone or anything that they consider babyish. That does not give them the right to tease, ridicule, and otherwise be mean but that will prevent the more mature kids from seeking out her friendship. They may be kind as a chessed but that will be what it is.
A child with poor penmanship may need OT or have poor vision that needs to be checked and corrected. If she is slow doing her assignments, she may not be ready for that grade level or have some sort of learning disability that requires intervention.
Parents are often asked to get a child tested, medicated, evaluated by psychologists, or to attend meetings with teachers, check and sign homework, etc. Sometimes these requests are unheeded and then even the best, most loving and caring school staffs and principals will have a hard time managing the child at the same time as the rest of the class.

DefyGravity

Wed, Sep 05 2007, 11:28 am

I don't see the point of writing this letter. It's not going to help or change anything. If you want a chance of changing something or making your point, you need to drastically change the tone of the letter. It's too aggressive and sounds a little crazy. If anything, it can only make things worse.

Tough situations like this need to handled rationally. Your letter sounds ANYTHING but rational.

I understand that you're upset - and you have every right to be - but you need to present your situation a lot differently.

The principal is going to dismiss your letter very quickly. I doubt he'll make it past the first few sentences.

amother

Wed, Sep 05 2007, 11:39 am

Throughout elementary and high school I was in a similar situation (not in NY). The complaints were always dismissed by the principal because it was always being done by her neices or daughters and their friends.

southernbubby

Wed, Sep 05 2007, 11:54 am

There are some bad principals. When our kids were very young, a principal kept canceling appointments on us at the last minute. When he found out that we were changing schools, that is when he found the time to ask us to come in so that he could tell us off for not being understanding of him and changing schools.
I have seen other situations though, where the principal did everything that she was supposed to do, short of expelling the child. I have seen teachers and principals blamed even when the child was so disruptive that the only time the class could really make progress was when the child was absent. I have seen parents who refused to consider medication even when several schools had to expel the child. Who did the mothers blame? The schools. It is hard to ever think that we or our kids could ever be at fault. It is always someone else.
I spoke to a mother recently who was upset that her very difficult child was being made fun of by other kids, however years ago when her one of her older children was the bully, he was just a normal kid doing what wa natural to a "different" classmate.