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Nanny advice - please no bitter or sarcastic responses
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 9:26 pm
Because of a busy household, I employ 5 full day a week help (830-530 about).
I had someone for over a year but then I heard from another cleaning lady who knew her that she was looking for another job and complaining about mine. I was mentally preparing she was going to quit when she shocked me and told me instead that she was pregnant and due in 8 weeks! So she was not leaving me for another job but she was leaving for having a baby and then she told me, she would come back after about 6 weeks.
I found someone to work in her place as a temp and she stopped working at 38 weeks. The new lady needs to go back to her country by the end of march for about 6 weeks but is available to work till late March if I need. And the new lady is a very kind sweet woman. She doesnt do as much as the other one did and she told me she cannot read so we can't send each other texts etc which is sad for her, and she seems to have a good heart. I like her.
My original babysitter had waited so long to tell me of her pregnancy which she says was bc of fear of her losing the baby. After she left me I spoke to someone who told me my babysitter was working for her after she left me at 530 she would go to her till about 7/8/ a few nights a week and my babysitter never told me she would want more hours or about her second job. And we paid her train fare - we never bought the tickets, we gave her the cash. I felt we should not pay the train fare which was very expensive if she was not going home after my job. The next job should be responsible.....and that girl told me she wasnt sure she took the train home most nights she thought her husband picked her up. I have not discussed this with my sitter yet so I am sure she will defend herself but really if she worked elsewhere a few nights a week I do not believe train fare should be on us.

So I have to decide now if I have her back and what I do. I have someone who is here now and working out nicely but has to leave in 2 months for 6 weeks or so - thats not even totally determined - and in that time she's gone we are moving which will be stressful and I certainly will need help for. And then my old sitter has a 6 week old baby and wants to come back in January and has texted me numerous times now about coming back and I told her why not take more time since the person I have is working out well and her baby is so little and she said no she wants to come back in January and let her know what I decide.

Any advice for me?
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 9:34 pm
She wants to come back so early because she needs the money. She stuck with you a year and you were happy with her. I'd let the little things like train fare go. It is really hard to find good help - someone who is trustworthy and works hard and shows up reliably. I'd let her know she has a job to come back to. This isn't some receptionist or sales clerk position. We're talking about someone who is in your home with your kids. I want the one I know and trust best. Period.
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 9:35 pm
I would take her back if she is good. And tell her that the condition is that you will no longer pay for her fair as she is not going home after working by your house. You have the upper hand now because she is dying to come back & you can tell her tjat she can come back only on the condition that you dont have to pay for her fair.
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Talya




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 9:37 pm
It sounds like you have no complaints about your regular full time help and no reason to let her go. If paying the train was part of what you made up it should make no difference if she actually takes the train or not--that was part of her compensation package and she is free to find another free ride home. If a friend wants to pick her up for free they are interested in doing her a favor and giving her a free ride--not in saving you money. So I honestly don't see the complaint here.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 9:40 pm
I offered train fare. Some days she was taking a bus and some days a train and at first we were buying her a train 10 trip but then it was hard to always get to the station for it so we started just giving the cash for it instead. At the end of every week we would ask how many train trips and how many bus trips did you take and pay her accordingly.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 10:02 pm
amother wrote:
I offered train fare. Some days she was taking a bus and some days a train and at first we were buying her a train 10 trip but then it was hard to always get to the station for it so we started just giving the cash for it instead. At the end of every week we would ask how many train trips and how many bus trips did you take and pay her accordingly.


So long as she isn't padding her bills so you end up paying her more than she laid out, what is the problem if she took a later train home?

You were employing her full time, why do you believe the last person should pay the whole freight?
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 10:07 pm
Well we basically paid 4 train home rides a week.
It was my impression she left me to go to the train. When we were training the new person I asked her to walk her to the train and she told me she was running to get something before the train so she couldn't. I realized in retrospect now she was going to her other job but didnt want me to know that.
Hey I came for advice, If you all dont think shes being dishonest to me then I will have her back. It wasn't sitting right with me but I gave you all the facts and nobody seems bothered.
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kb




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 10:09 pm
I would be bothered if someone is lying to me.... especially if I was trusting her with my children!
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 10:17 pm
What is the lie? I feel like I am missing something
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Talya




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 10:28 pm
amother wrote:
Well we basically paid 4 train home rides a week.
Hey I came for advice, If you all dont think shes being dishonest to me then I will have her back. It wasn't sitting right with me but I gave you all the facts and nobody seems bothered.

It doesn't matter what "you all" think it only matters how you feel. I just don't think she did anything wrong. She is reliable and does a good job and is always there when you need her. Why is it any of your business if she also works after you? She is entitled to her privacy. (btw, when she was complaining about her job and looking for another one is it possible that was referring to her second job?) She doesn't have to explain why she can't help you after hours. I still don't get the problem but you are the one who has to be comfortable with her.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 10:50 pm
amother wrote:
When we were training the new person I asked her to walk her to the train and she told me she was running to get something before the train so she couldn't. I realized in retrospect now she was going to her other job but didnt want me to know that.
Hey I came for advice, If you all dont think shes being dishonest to me then I will have her back. It wasn't sitting right with me but I gave you all the facts and nobody seems bothered.


She was probably being dishonest with you. She may have told you a direct lie that she was running to get something before the train.

Another suspected direct lie is her train ticket count if her husband is picking her up on some of those days.

Now your suspicions are raised. Mine would have been raised by the manner she told you of her pregnancy. You need to trust the person who is in your home. Get those nanny cams. It would be hard for you to trust her version of things if there is an issue. If there is no issue, then you have peace of mind.
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 11:12 pm
1- What difference does it make to you if she takes train, bus, car, etc. etc. It was what you have decided to do and that's it.
2- How in this world do you want to believe a person who doesn't have a Torah and Mitzvahs? There is absolutely no reason for her not to lie. Nobody will punish her for it, and she'll make a few extra dollars.
3- Similar to the second, why do you trust such a person with anything, not only money? Unless you have electronic devices monitoring her every move, you cannot be certain that she doesn't do something with your kid, or in the house. Around you she will definitely play it safe and comply with your interests, but as soon as you turn your back, she is her own boss. Nobody sees. She won't leave a sign indicating her neglect. Just because you are accustomed to her and know her for a while, doesn't make her reliable. In fact, professional cheaters wait until they are fully trusted before they start with their blacklashings (or whatever you want to call it).
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 11:13 pm
I'm with you OP. Something doesn't sit right.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Tue, Dec 20 2016, 11:53 pm
tf wrote:

2- How in this world do you want to believe a person who doesn't have a Torah and Mitzvahs? There is absolutely no reason for her not to lie. Nobody will punish her for it, and she'll make a few extra dollars.


????????
Because no Jew ever lied or cheated about anything??
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fiji




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 21 2016, 12:13 am
This woman in clearly desparate for the money and seemed to be doing a good job that u were happy with. What is the issue? The train fare?? If thats the issue, bring it up to her and see what she says. I dont think its right to stay with the new woman permanently- imagine u went on maternity leave and ur boss told u he found someone he likes better...
Obviously we dont know the situation, all we know is what u wrote here, but from what u wrote, I dont rlly see anything she did wrong.
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 21 2016, 12:23 am
amother wrote:
????????
Because no Jew ever lied or cheated about anything??


This doesn't mean that no Jew ever lied or cheated. This means that the ratio is different between different groups of people. If one has a fear for Hashem, they are less likely than others to misbehave. That is all.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Wed, Dec 21 2016, 12:33 am
fiji wrote:
This woman in clearly desparate for the money and seemed to be doing a good job that u were happy with. What is the issue? The train fare?? If thats the issue, bring it up to her and see what she says. I dont think its right to stay with the new woman permanently- imagine u went on maternity leave and ur boss told u he found someone he likes better...
Obviously we dont know the situation, all we know is what u wrote here, but from what u wrote, I dont rlly see anything she did wrong.


This. It doesn't sit right with me to let a woman with a newborn baby who has worked nicely for you for a while, not come back to her job after maternity leave. At least give her a few months back and if you are not happy give her notice.

Why does she need to tell you about other jobs after hours?
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 21 2016, 12:39 am
I would feel bad for a pregnant woman who worked at my house all day and then had to go to another job after that to make ends meet. I would not begrudge her the train fare.
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 21 2016, 12:46 am
tf wrote:
This doesn't mean that no Jew ever lied or cheated. This means that the ratio is different between different groups of people. If one has a fear for Hashem, they are less likely than others to misbehave. That is all.


Can you cite to the survey or research that you used to come to that conclusion?
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 21 2016, 12:47 am
tf wrote:
This doesn't mean that no Jew ever lied or cheated. This means that the ratio is different between different groups of people. If one has a fear for Hashem, they are less likely than others to misbehave. That is all.


There are many non Jews in the world who fear Gd and many Jews who do not. There are " religious people" who are immoral and secular people who are very moral. Life is not so simple
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