Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
How much did you tip your sons rebbe?
Previous  1  2  3  4  5  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Rose


 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 9:55 am
amother wrote:
reading this thread is starting to make me feel guilty.....
This year I didn't give any money. With teachers, bus, drivers, therapists... there were 10+ people to give. Instead I bought a little 5 dollar item that said #1 teacher, put it together with a nice chocolate and wrote personal notes to everyone (including the bus drivers:) ) , and also wrote up another note with my kids (preschool age)one or two lines of thank you coming from them to each of their teachers/therapist on a paper which they then colored/decorated. Now I thinking maybe I should have given then money even if it wasn't a lot? Or picked a few that I think did the most for my kids and given them.....


No don't feel guilty. You spent time and a lot of thought and all the teachers etc should be very appreciative of this. I would be.

This is exactly my point. No one should feel pressured to give any more than they were planning to.

Amother, you are totally fine.
Back to top

33055




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 10:11 am
amother wrote:
The only feasible way to do this is to save maaser money for a few months (we have a not small family). But - I doubt maaser money is allowed to be used for tipping teachers. And I doubt teachers want to be given money that should go to tzedakah. Normal ppl can't afford this. We struggle with maaser and groceries as it is. I am going to buy cards today!

People who are buying their kids expensive new stylish clothes, shoes, accessories all the time... so they should prioritize teachers too. But if you don't buy those things, then there is no shame in not tipping teachers either. Teachers might have small salaries, but so do many other people! And they often have fewer expenses because parsonage helps them get on govt programs.


Parsonage doesn't help with government programs. Parsonage income is income tax free, but the person is still responsible for soc sec / disability. In some cases this is more than the income tax because both sides must be paid if the school doesn't. This income is fully reportable for purposes of programs and purposes of soc sec / disability.
Back to top

amother
Rose


 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 10:14 am
Squishy wrote:
Parsonage doesn't help with government programs. Parsonage income is income tax free, but the person is still responsible for soc sec / disability. In some cases this is more than the income tax because both sides must be paid if the school doesn't. This income is fully reportable for purposes of programs and purposes of soc sec / disability.



Someone in the school here told us that staff don't have to report their parsonage income when applying for govt programs. this person knows what they are talking about.
Back to top

33055




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 10:24 am
amother wrote:
Someone in the school here told us that staff don't have to report their parsonage income when applying for govt programs. this person knows what they are talking about.


It is fraud not to report income to get on government programs. Depending on the amount, it could be a felony. The person obviously doesn't know what they are talking about. Are they a CPA?

Go look up the law if you don't believe me, but there is no Rebbe exception.
Back to top

mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 10:31 am
Maya wrote:
Shouldn't being the key word here...


Well thank G-d every rebbe in my boys yeshiva belongs there. Therefore I tip whatever amount I feel at that moment based on a variety of factors including how tight I am on money I am at the time. I never worry that my son will be treated better or worse. When I was a teacher, I treated every child equally, regardless of tip.
Back to top

Elizabeth W




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 11:53 am
$18 for each teacher
Back to top

gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 12:17 pm
I generally tip on Chanukah, Purim, and at the end of year. I've noticed that most do not tip at the end of year. I'm tipping just to say thanks and not to bribe, so I'm happy to give an end of year gift of gratitude. However, there are many who tip to bribe and they therefore have no desire to tip once the year ends. If you are worried about the finances of your son's Rebbe, tip at the end of the year too.
Back to top

amother
Babypink


 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 1:27 pm
To those who say that a rebbe treats every kid equally, rich/poor, tip/no tip, that is contrary to everything we know is true about human psychology and halacha.

As someone quoted above, "shochad" blinds the eyes of tzaddikim. The halacha tells us, that if Reuvain helps Shimon carry his walking stick (I.e, a minor favor), Shimon is not allowed to serve as a dayan on Reuvain's case, since that minute, fleeting, favor will subconsciously cause the recipient Shimon to look upon Reuvain with extra favor.

The most goodhearted rebbe on earth is still a human. And halacha tells us it is not possible for him NOT to be subconsciously favored towards those who give him large tips.

If everyone truly feels the rebbe is underpaid (and he well may be), then why not send him a note and a group gift?
Back to top

boysrus




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 4:07 pm
Just want to weigh in here. As a teacher (not a rebbi obviously!), I recieve gifts for chanukah from students parents. Yes of course I noticed last year that I received gifts from all parents except for one.It was impossible not to notice.

BUT, I absolutely do not believe that I treated that child any differently to any of the other kids. If anything, I treated that child with extra love and attention because of it, because it was so determined to not treat her differently knowing that human nature being as it is, there is a possibility that one could do that subconsciously. If that makes sense...

I truly believe that my sons rebbeim are amazing human beings. Yes, they are human beings. But they are in this job out of love for what they do, and love for Hashem and love of children. I firmly believe that they will treat my child no differently for my gift of $25 than they would treat Mrs Wealthy's child, despite Mrs Wealthy gifting them $250 for Chanukah.

There has to be a certain amount of trust between parent and Rebbi. Rebbi KNOWS that Mr and Mrs Boysrus are on a tight budget, and I am sure he appreciates our small gift knowing that it was sent with true appreciation and respect in honor of chanukah.
Back to top

amother
Ivory


 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 5:06 pm
I gave $36 for the Rebbi, $15 for the group gift to the teacher and $20 each for 2 preschool Morahs. Plus a few dollars for a group gift for the Kriah morah.
Back to top

yamz




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 26 2016, 10:24 pm
I have a few things to say on this subject. I personally do know people who tip Rebbeim as a bribe. I also know some Rebbeim. They come to rely on those tips they receive for Chanuka and Purim, and they feel entitled to them. They remember whose parents tipped generously. Obviously those children are getting preferential treatment. Oh, and do you really think every Rebbe and Morah is so good hearted and selfless, in this profession because they think it's a holy calling? My kids have certainly had some wonderful, dedicated Rebbeim, but there have been an equal number of Rebbeim who were just coasting along and teachers who refused to give out their phone numbers because they didn't want to be bothered.

Also, a rebbe/teacher is not a waiter or manicurist. They are in what should be viewed as a serious profession. They should receive decent salaries and should not find themselves relying on tips. Just as you would never tip an accountant or psychologist, you shouldn't tip a teacher. It should be considered equally tacky. Teachers certainly deserve our appreciation, but that should be demonstrated with a small thoughtful gift and/or card, not money.

And I say this as someone who tips teachers/rebbeim every year, even though I can't afford it, and they often don't deserve it, because I don't want my children to suffer because the educator was not bribed. I find the whole teacher tipping situation revolting. (But I happily tip the bus driver.)
Back to top

amother
Plum


 

Post Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:06 am
I give tips and gifts to communicate gratitude. I don't communicate much with the teachers over the course of the year. The gifts show that I care and that I acknowledge and am satisfied with the teachers work that they're doing with my children. For me, it's a mode of communication and acknowledgement. I don't intend on it being a bribe at all. I would be embarrassed if that's how teachers view it. I tip anyone who works with me and my family on a daily to regular basis and that I'm satisfied with the work they are doing. We tip or give gifts to Babysitters, therapists, teachers, and managers in addition to mailmen, bus drivers, and the sanitation department.
Back to top

amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:14 am
amother wrote:
To those who say that a rebbe treats every kid equally, rich/poor, tip/no tip, that is contrary to everything we know is true about human psychology and halacha.

As someone quoted above, "shochad" blinds the eyes of tzaddikim. The halacha tells us, that if Reuvain helps Shimon carry his walking stick (I.e, a minor favor), Shimon is not allowed to serve as a dayan on Reuvain's case, since that minute, fleeting, favor will subconsciously cause the recipient Shimon to look upon Reuvain with extra favor.

The most goodhearted rebbe on earth is still a human. And halacha tells us it is not possible for him NOT to be subconsciously favored towards those who give him large tips.

If everyone truly feels the rebbe is underpaid (and he well may be), then why not send him a note and a group gift?



Interesting point but I'm not sure the comparison is valid. In a case of a dayan, there is a winner and a loser. Even in a theoretical situation where a parent gives alot of money to a yeshiva, while true the yeshiva might give the child a pass on certain things, it's not necessarily at the expense of other students. My kids have many wealthy classmates and their parents give big money to the school. I agree that perhaps they are less likely to get suspended or really yelled at by the principle, but that's not impacting any of the other students. And on a practical level, The difference between a good tip of $150 and a lower end tip of $36 is so minuscule in the big scheme of things that I don't think a rebbe will really show preferential treatment to the bigger tipper.
Back to top

notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:19 pm
I got a nice note from the women's division along with a list of students who had given to the school Chanukah present for me. It did not say who gave $5 or who gave $18. I think that is the most appropriate way to do it.
Back to top

Miri1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 27 2016, 11:48 pm
amother wrote:
Interesting point but I'm not sure the comparison is valid. In a case of a dayan, there is a winner and a loser. Even in a theoretical situation where a parent gives alot of money to a yeshiva, while true the yeshiva might give the child a pass on certain things, it's not necessarily at the expense of other students. My kids have many wealthy classmates and their parents give big money to the school. I agree that perhaps they are less likely to get suspended or really yelled at by the principle, but that's not impacting any of the other students. And on a practical level, The difference between a good tip of $150 and a lower end tip of $36 is so minuscule in the big scheme of things that I don't think a rebbe will really show preferential treatment to the bigger tipper.


It would affect other kids if the wealthier classmates were able to get away with bullying them.
Back to top

HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 28 2016, 9:48 am
This year we had a little extra money so we tipped. We also have BH had excellent experience so far with my sons new Rebbe and the bus drivers etc.

Last year we couldn't afford it and I made beautiful peanut chews wrapped nicely with a personal note (there were only morahs last year no rebbes).

Rebbe - $50
Bus driver ds1 - $25
Bus rebbe ds1 - $20

Morah dc2 - $20
Assistant dc2 - $15
Bus driver dc2 - $25

I am very happy and did not hesitate giving them these amounts for a second but if I couldn't afford it I would give cakes/donuts or something nicely presented that didn't cost me half the amount. It is the thought and the note that counts.
Back to top

amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2017, 7:33 am
Zero. BH.
Back to top

Kugglegirl




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2017, 8:21 am
Maybe this is a difference of being in a smaller community, but in the schools in my area, the PTO makes a collection, and recommends $20/per child. They they then take the collection and AFAIK give an equal amount to each teacher and assistant.

The girls high school PTO collected for the teacher appreciation luncheon, and said donate $20, but maximum $25 per family.

This way the teachers do not know if someone gave a lot or someone gave nothing at all, and all the teachers get an equal amount.

In our schools, many of the Morahs are married with families, so I think it is correct that they should get the same thing that Rebbes get.

The culture here is not to give gifts, though I saw one parent hauling in little bags on the last day, which I assume were for teachers. I think that ups the ante for all of us, and reconcile myself that the PTO is handling the gelt so if I felt like giving, I am done.

Tuitions here are in the 6-8,000 range for full day pre-school, 10-14,000 range for elementary to middle school, and IIRC 12,000-19,000 for high schools.
Back to top

amother
Mustard


 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2017, 8:33 am
You tip a service provider, but you pay a professional. Would anyone tip her accountant for preparing a nice tax return? Do you give money to your doctor as thanks for healing a broken leg? It would be insulting.

We should pay teachers, male and female, respectable salaries. Tipping them is demeaning. Not to mention (as I have above) that it can lead to treating students according to their parents' means.
Back to top

flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 02 2017, 8:42 am
I tip with a full heart. I believe that the rebbes( and teachers) truly deserve it.
Back to top
Page 4 of 5 Previous  1  2  3  4  5  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

Related Topics Replies Last Post
TIP for tutors: Update pg 2
by amother
21 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 9:49 pm View last post
Wwyd - sons broke each others glasses on purpose
by amother
26 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 10:42 am View last post
Do you tip Walmart delivery?
by amother
35 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:38 pm View last post
Do you know what your sons are doing tonight?
by amother
119 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:17 pm View last post
Are you supposed to tip uber driver?
by amother
10 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 8:21 am View last post