Classmother vent | Imamother

flowerpower

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 9:25 am

Somehow I end up being classmother every year for one of my girls. Usually most parents send in the money the first few days. Then there are those that need like 2-3 reminder phone calls. At the end I get all the money before they have Chanukah vacation. This year though takes the cake. At least 6 mothers didn't send in yet. I called them a few times. No answer. 2 did answer and boy did they give attitude. It made me so mad. I am doing them a favor. Not the other way around. Even with their attitude and calling them twice they still didn't send it in. Grrr. Why do people have to be so hard? It's a measly $20 for three devoted hardworking teachers.

mummiedearest

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 9:30 am

not everyone has the $20 to spare. not everyone has the same experiences with teachers that you do. there is no actual obligation to give. from now on, if you continue to have this position, call once early and once more to remind. better yet, see if you can use whatsapp, email, or group texts to contact people. if they don't send, they don't want to join. they have that right. being called multiple times is annoying, especially if you're either not in the position to give OR having a terrible year with the teachers. no reason to give a present to a person who is making your kid miserable. if these parents don't send in, don't include them in the card. simple as that.

cnc

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 9:32 am

I was class mother too.
I called twice maximum.
I am not comfortable putting anyone on the spot especially when some people might be tight for money and can't contribute.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 9:38 am

Not trying to be mean, but you have no idea what financial position each of those families are in. If they have multiple children, multiple that by $20 each and that's easily $100. that's a lot of money for some families.

They used to be a nice family in my neighborhood. A single frum mother with 2 kids. I know she was barely making ends meet, but she didn't blab her financial situation to others. A few times we hired her kids to do some chores or be a mother's helper. Well one time she mentioned that the money her kid earned is what they used to help pay groceries that particular week when they were in a crunch. we hired the kids hoping to let be able to earn some extra pocket money, but didn't know they were in such a tight financial position at the time. B"h she now is in a much better financial position, with much better job.

BetsyTacy

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 9:38 am

Call once.

If there was a nightmare year with a kids teacher then I did not contribute. Yes, even if it meant that the other teacher did not get either. I did not want my name on a card to the teacher from hell. Then it would seem that I approved of her.

You are not the tuition committee. If a parent says I don't choose to contribute this year, then that is the answer. Do you need to know all about her kid's or her relationship with the teacher? You don't. I can guarantee that some people who give lots of tzadaka to the school and have plenty of money are still allowed to decide that they don't wish to contribute to an optional gift and they don't owe you an explanation. They should not be harrassed.

PinkFridge

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:02 am

When you call the parents do you mention that this is a suggested amount and that ANY amount will still allow them to participate?
As mentioned, some people can't afford it, as reasonable as this is. Others prefer to do their own gift. At this point, I'd let it go.
Hats off, I've done this myself. Don't lay out the money yourself, just give/buy gift cards/etc. with whatever came in.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:06 am

As others have said, your going about this all wrong. It's nice of you to be class mother but you should under no circumstances be making yourself crazy. The rule should be maximum 2 phone calls. That's it. If for whatever reason they don't want to give, it is not your job to harass/chase them.

iammom

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:10 am

Why can't people say that even though they'd love to contribute, they won't be joining in? They can even say they are giving on their own (even though they're not) if they are embarrassed they that they can't afford it.
Why does the class mother have to run around? Even 2 calls (times 25) is a nice effort.

SixOfWands

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:12 am

BTDT.

If you're not going to give, woman up and tell the class parent that you've decided not to give.

That's not what parents do, though. Either they say, "Oh, of course, I'll send it with Yankele tomorrow," but never do. Or they don't bother to return your calls, leaving you to guess as to their intentions. And then, if you DARE not to include their names on the card, even though you've called 7 times and waited until the last minute, you're pure evil, and they will make sure that every friend they have within a 20-mile radius knows what a bee-yotch you are, and didn't you know that they were having a hard month, so you should have put out the money for them, and it looks bad that Yankele's name isn't on the card and its your fault he failed his spelling test.

mummiedearest

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:15 am

SixOfWands wrote:

that's why it's best to do a group email/text. you just inform people that the deadline is on x day, and that not sending in by that time will indicate non-interest. the end.

flowerpower

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:23 am

What bothered me was the attitude I got. They made it sound like I was doing them a huggggge favor. I was being extremely nice on the phone. Where is some appreciation for your childs teacher?
Also, I would never call more than twice max. Don't worry. I don't harrass people.
I had mothers tell
Me in the past that they can't contribute at the time and It was totally fine. If money is an issue then I really understand.

lizard8

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:33 am

I forgot to send the first few days because my son was out sick and then it slipped my mind. I got a reminder text which asked very nicely if I wanted to be part of the gift. I thought was a very considerate way of asking. Besides for those who don't want/cannot give, some people want to give a separate gift on their own. Those who don't want to participate in the class gift should simply inform the class mother. It alleviates so much stress this way.

Fox

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:37 am

There have been times in my life when $20 had to last the week for gas, incidental expenses, and sometimes even food.

And then, while working full-time and trying to keep things afloat on $20 without having a complete breakdown, I'd get a call from someone who obviously considers $20 to be "measly." Oh, and she wanted it this week, in an envelope with my kid's name and the amount written in the upper right-hand corner.

If I'd been fully confident and self-actualized, I'd have said, "I'm really sorry, but I just can't do it this year." But, of course, I wasn't. I was about one sigh of disapproval away from turning into a blubbery mess. So I'd squeak out something like, "I'll try," and would get off the phone as quickly as possible.

I do feel for your predicament, OP, but the current system of rounding up petty cash from parents as a Chanukah present manages to annoy and/or embarrass everyone. Surely some school, somewhere, has found a better way for parents to show hakores hatov to the teachers.

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:40 am

Lady Bug wrote:

I don't get the whole class mother thing. Why can't each parent decide on their own if/how much/what they want to give and send it in with their kid?

The teacher may appreciate one larger gift (usually cash or a gift card) rather than a dozen token gifts which may include mugs and other clutter.

Parents appreciate being able to give whatever amount they want without the exact amount being known by the recipient. There is usually a suggested donation, but families give whatever they feel is suitable and within their budgets.

There are a lot of aggravations associated with class gifts, but if properly managed, they are generally a good idea.

chicco

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:40 am

I don't know why you have to put someone in the position to tell you that even $20 is too much for them. How unnecessarily embarrassing. As a class delegate, I think your job is to inform the parents that you are collecting, collect, maybe make one public reminder, finish collecting and deliver to the teacher. You are not a fundraiser. You don't need to push anyone. Whatever money comes in, comes in. If a parent wanted to give, but forgot or wasn't in time, hopefully they will learn their lesson for next time.

I am sorry that this was an annoying experience for you, and I think it is generous of you to volunteer your time, but I think you took on more than you had to here.

animeme

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:46 am

Some of us just forget. We get our reminders, but it doesn't help in the craziness of life unless it's right when we pack our kids' bags. or we do put those envelopes in our kids' bags, and there they stay, for weeks. I'd like to see an online contribution form set up by schools that lets us put in a credit card number or paypal for however much we want and note which class/teachers we have. Then the school sends out an email to all, a reminder email to all, and done.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:55 am

I personally don't give, it's $30 for my son and it's alot
I have to go to the bank to get this money out. I would rather buy a chocolate Platter and give it to the teacher.
I work so so hard to pay tuition, we are young couple managing on our own what do you want from us?

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:57 am

animeme wrote:

I'd like to see an online contribution form set up by schools that lets us put in a credit card number or paypal for however much we want and note which class/teachers we have. Then the school sends out an email to all, a reminder email to all, and done.

This is the best! Technically the funds are collected by the parents/PTA, not the school, but some schools do this to help out. Or, the parents can set it up themselves.

Having children bring money to school to give to another child to bring home to a class parent is always a wreck, and it can be too inconvenient for some busy parents to send checks by mail.

After many years of aggravation both collecting and contributing, I stopped participating in class gifts until the electronic revolution made it easy and reliable.