Classmother vent | Imamother

amother

White

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 11:00 am

amother wrote:

I personally don't give, it's $30 for my son and it's alot
I have to go to the bank to get this money out. I would rather buy a chocolate Platter and give it to the teacher.
I work so so hard to pay tuition, we are young couple managing on our own what do you want from us?

Years ago, for a while PTA handled this. There was one lump sum, didn't matter how many kids you had in school (and this school has boys' and girls' divisions) and your name was on a class gift given to each teacher.
Then they stopped, and class mothers didn't pick up, or for every class, and I honestly didn't know what to do for 30 teachers. One year I did a small candy gift and ultimately I came up with sending a donation to a gemach established in memory of a beloved principal and writing and mailing individual notes to the teachers letting them know and thanking them. I got great feedback.
I also participated in class gifts when a class mother arranged them. Especially in high school, when the classes were compartmentalized. I still tried to send individual notes when I had my act together. And the administrator of the gemach let me send to as many teachers as I wanted. When you amortized it it wasn't much per teacher. But the though truly counted.

UQT

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 11:12 am

I'm also the class mother almost every single year. But someone once gave me an idea that made it super easy.

I type up a letter with all the details and then put it in an labeled envelope for each mother. My child gets the honor of giving out letters to each of her classmates (which makes them feel like a VIP). I get back 90% of the responses like that. That leaves with very few phone calls. I call in the morning when I know no one is home so I can leave a message saying "I'm giving in the money by Thursday if I don't get it by Wednesday I'll assume you don't want to participate." End of story. Easy job.

This will not work for very young kids that can't read and give out the envelopes. It will also not work for mid-elementary boys that refuse to do anything that will hint to the class that they have mothers at home. how embarrassing:)

Fox

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 11:19 am

animeme wrote:

I'd like to see an online contribution form set up by schools that lets us put in a credit card number or paypal for however much we want and note which class/teachers we have. Then the school sends out an email to all, a reminder email to all, and done.

Yes! Please!

I'm probably just getting old and curmudgeonly, but I find myself getting increasingly frustrated and annoyed by all the mixed messages here on Imamother and IRL.

On one hand, we have tons of threads about financial responsibility, urging us to make budgets and stick to them; to clip coupons because those pennies add up; to undertake demanding jobs and careers in order to be financially solvent and independent.

But then we turn around and are asked to take time to round up cash or a check (I don't even have checks anymore!) and spend money we possibly don't have.

And, of course, simmering in the background is the silent implication that if I really cared about my kids and their chinuch, I would make this a priority in terms of my time and my budget. Along with all the other priorities I'm supposed to be addressing in my work and home life. Rolling Eyes

To add to Animeme's suggestion, offer parents the option of having their debit/credit cards billed every month from September through June for a minimal amount -- $2-$5 per child or an amount of their choosing. Use that money for Chanukah gifts, Purim tips, end-of-the-year gifts, and to replace dead goldfish.

MiracleMama

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 11:27 am

That was my job last year for 2 of my kids. I hate, hate, hate making myself a bill collector but I was class mother so I did it. Yeah, some people send right away others dawdle and others never send at all. In some cases it may very well be that even a "measly $20" is difficult but I have also encountered plenty of parents with the attitude that the teacher already gets a salary so why should she get tipped/ gifted too? Knowing how hard teachers work and how little they get paid I find that attitude so awful.

flowerpower

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 11:42 am

MiracleMama wrote:

Thank you! I say the teachers spend more time than you every day with your child. That thought doesn't help either?

mummiedearest

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 11:43 am

flowerpower wrote:

Thank you! I say the teachers spend more time than you every day with your child. That thought doesn't help either?

I was more than happy to give to my kids' teachers this year. previous years? not for horrible teachers. no, there is no obligation to give.

flowerpower

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 11:46 am

UQT wrote:

That sounds like a great idea! Our school sends home a note once with the amount to send in and whom to send it to. I know people are human and tend to forget. That's why I give one reminder call usually after a few days. But some people here claim it's called harassment. You can't win em all.

amother

Tan

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 11:48 am

A few years ago one of my child's class tried to collect 20 per parent per teacher (*3 cause preschool). Majority were going through difficult times and said it was beyond their budget. They were able to give 5 per teacher. We collected what parents could pay and a few wealthier parents chipped in together so that the teachers should get a minimum of 100. The few parents that really couldn't give even 5 were included on the card. Why should they be embarrassed and stand out? A parent who wanted to give separately was not included on the card though.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 12:03 pm

I was class mother for one of my kids this year. Just gave the gift yesterday and had 100% participation.
First: I made it clear that this was optional and the amount was a SUGGESTED amount- as in, you could participate even if you only contributed a partial amount. That measly 20 dollars can be a lot for a struggling family and it's not just 20 for any family that has multiple school age kids.
Second: I made it convenient. The information was emailed and group texted, so everyone had the details in one place. I also gave my Venmo ID and 2 parents chose to get me the money through Venmo, so they didn't have to remember to take out money and stick it in their kid's bag and hope it got to me. The class mother of another child's class said we could Chase Quickpay her, which was nice, but if I didn't have Chase, that wouldn't have worked for me.

chatz

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 12:06 pm

I'm surprised at some of these responses.

My kids' school does not have class mothers. Either one mother steps up to do the collecting or everyone is on their own. And this school has a lot of dedicated and caring teachers and assistants bh. When a mother collects $20 for 4 teachers, I appreciate it very much. Some of you may be creative or on top of things enough to get a gift for under $5 a person. I can't. This way, I can show appreciation without the hassle.

I completely understand $20 being unaffordable. But at least show the collecting mother some appreciation!

anotherima

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 12:13 pm

amother wrote:

THIS. I think many people feel that they paid tuition and don't want to pay more money. I have also been class mother and hated the job of collecting money.

SixOfWands

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 12:22 pm

amother wrote:

(1) If there are 25 kids in the class, and each and every one of them gives the teacher a chocolate platter, they end of being trash. That's the purpose of a group gift, to ensure that everyone doesn't give something that might be lovely on its own, but isn't when received in volume.

(2) But no one is saying that you have to contribute to a group gift. Just have the courtesy to respond to the inquiry by saying, "no thanks, we won't be participating this year." No explanation necessary.

familyfirst

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 12:30 pm

In our kids school, Chanukah gelt is built into tuition. That way parents are paying it out over a year, and teachers get their well deserved thanks.

Some parents send something in for Chanukah as well but there are no phone calls or emails about this.
Best system ever !!

amother

Rose

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 12:33 pm

familyfirst wrote:

It's a great idea but what about in schools where so many families don't pay full tuition? Where does the money come from then?

groovy1224

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 12:37 pm

flowerpower wrote:

What bothered me was the attitude I got. They made it sound like I was doing them a huggggge favor. I was being extremely nice on the phone. Where is some appreciation for your childs teacher?
Also, I would never call more than twice max. Don't worry. I don't harrass people.
I had mothers tellMe in the past that they can't contribute at the time and It was totally fine. If money is an issue then I really understand.

No offense, and I'm not saying that you sounded this way on the phone, but to me, this sounds like an attitude. Who said that the only way to show appreciation for a teacher is to send a predetermined amount of money? You seem to be saying that the fact that they didn't contribute means they don't appreciate the teacher.

However, it's not clear from your story if they said they wanted to be part of the group gift, and then never sent in their money, or just didn't want to contribute? If the first, then that's not okay- don't commit if you don't intend on giving. If the second, it's not really your business, you know?

And I don't think it's fair to say 'well if you can't afford it just tell me.' People shouldn't have to explain their financial situation to the class mother. No way.

In the future, like others said, send out a group text saying if you want to be part of the class gift, I need to have your check by such and such a date. Any money received after that date will be returned to you. Send out one reminder, and that's it.

Rutabaga

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 12:40 pm

animeme wrote:

Some of us just forget. We get our reminders, but it doesn't help in the craziness of life unless it's right when we pack our kids' bags. or we do put those envelopes in our kids' bags, and there they stay, for weeks. I'd like to see an online contribution form set up by schools that lets us put in a credit card number or paypal for however much we want and note which class/teachers we have. Then the school sends out an email to all, a reminder email to all, and done.

My daughter's school does this. They send out an email with a link and a couple of reminder emails . It makes life so much easier for me. Additionally, since it's a schoolwide collection, part of the money goes to support staff who would otherwise be overlooked.

33055

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 12:45 pm

amother wrote:

ITA that if people can't or won't give, it is not nice to leave their names off the card. It is too petty to do that.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 1:06 pm

my kids schools (2) both do online payments for chanukah presents. they send out email links and reminders. My only pet peeve is that the forms are pre-filled out already and you have to give the full suggested amount if you do it online. This year, we weren't in a position to give the full amount so I emailed the person in charge who told me to send in a check to the office with whatever amount I could pay.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 1:09 pm

Squishy wrote:

ITA that if people can't or won't give, it is not nice to leave their names off the card. It is too petty to do that.

Then why extend myself to pay if I will be included anyway? If you can't afford it I can see why it's petty. But I know of people who wouldn't give even if they could if their name is on it anyway...

33055

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 1:18 pm

amother wrote:

Then why extend myself to pay if I will be included anyway? If you can't afford it I can see why it's petty. But I know of people who wouldn't give even if they could if their name is on it anyway...

The card should be from the whole class. It is better if some people skate rather than embarrass those that can't.

It is mean-spirited to leave their names off. I could never humiliate someone like that.