Classmother vent | Imamother

amother

Rose

Tue, Dec 27 2016, 10:21 am

amother wrote:

Then why extend myself to pay if I will be included anyway? If you can't afford it I can see why it's petty. But I know of people who wouldn't give even if they could if their name is on it anyway...

Yep, there are always some real stinkers but you give because you want to thank the teachers for their dedication and hard work and you sign it from the whole class because it's not worth embarrassing those who can't afford just to show up those who just don't care.

suzyq

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 10:54 am

animeme wrote:

Some of us just forget. We get our reminders, but it doesn't help in the craziness of life unless it's right when we pack our kids' bags. or we do put those envelopes in our kids' bags, and there they stay, for weeks. I'd like to see an online contribution form set up by schools that lets us put in a credit card number or paypal for however much we want and note which class/teachers we have. Then the school sends out an email to all, a reminder email to all, and done.

My children's school does this - it's coordinated through the PTA and you send in money via Paypal (you can also send a check to the school) with a note with your kids' names and teachers and they take care of everything. Super easy and convenient.

amother

Wine

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 11:24 am

My daughters school asked for $20 per child. As luck would have it, both of my daughters have teachers who are real stinkers this year. Sorry no other way to put it. I have participated in all the years up till now, but I decided to be a little assertive in my old age.

I kept the $ and took my kids out to pizza and ice cream.

And to the classmothers who very firmly told me how much I HAD to pay, I firmly said please do not lay out money for me nor call me multiple times. If I choose to participate at the level I wish, I will send it in. If not, not. Thank you so much goodbye!

Now I just have to find the strength to ignore some other community trends!

studying_torah

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 11:41 am

My kids school sent a letter asking for 20 dollars per kid. This comes on the heels of 60 dollars for 1 child for unspecified school activities, plus another 20 for another kids' unspecified extra school activities, plus money for school photos.
All this is ontop of tuition, plus money I pay every month for one child's special learning class (which is supposed to be paid for by Boe but the school charges another 2,000 anyhow.) Never mind the costly and very specific school supplies and expensive uniforms, and the special school sweaters that are so expensive.
I'm sorry but I think it's rediculous and way too much.

amother

Natural

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 1:41 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Somehow I end up being classmother every year for one of my girls. Usually most parents send in the money the first few days. Then there are those that need like 2-3 reminder phone calls. At the end I get all the money before they have Chanukah vacation. This year though takes the cake. At least 6 mothers didn't send in yet. I called them a few times. No answer. 2 did answer and boy did they give attitude. It made me so mad. I am doing them a favor. Not the other way around. Even with their attitude and calling them twice they still didn't send it in. Grrr. Why do people have to be so hard? It's a measly $20 for three devoted hardworking teachers.

A parent is entitled to give nothing for whatever reason. Thus even if hypothetically I am wealthy, if I don't want to give the three teachers that you consider devoted and hardworking $, that is my prerogative. You don't know my personal experiences with these teachers and my child. I can choose to spend my $ where I want. I should be able to do so without mothers in my class harassing me to give something that is voluntary. And yes, if I were a mother who could not afford to pay the teachers, your harassment would upset me greatly. Be grateful for whatever $ you get and leave the others alone. I am sure the teachers who get any amount of gift $ are grateful.

flowerpower

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 2:10 pm

Making one reminder call is NOT considered harrasment so chill.

I guess I am the only one on this site that appreciates that I can send in $7 per teacher and some nice volunteer arranges it rather than being busy on my own to send in 9 or whatever gifts or chanukah gelt to teachers. I was taught to say thank you when appropriate and sometimes showing it with more than just words. I appreciate anyone that does anything for my kids or I. I guess majority of this board feels entitled rather than appreciative😕

amother

Plum

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 2:14 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I don't see where entitlement comes in.

Chaunka gifts are a nice gesture, they are not obligatory. If people would expect teachers to teach their children for free, that would be entitled. But people are paying tuition through their nose. They're paying their due.

There are other ways to show appreciation. Perhaps the parents who are really struggling and can't afford it send a heartwarming, meaningful card. For you it's only $7 per teacher. For someone else, it's money that is going towards supper on the table or a coat to replace their child's worn hand me down coat which doesn't fit anymore.

Consider yourself lucky that you can express your appreciation monetarily. Not everyone can, and not everyone should.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 2:22 pm

I totally get why you feel frustrated ans used. You are working hard and these people are giving you attitude. BUT I also get them. I think u should change ur attitude to one where "I would to let u know I am collecting and if u can chip in u can" NO one appreciates being pressured and nagged to give money. If they want to give, let them if not then give whatever u get. Dont stress and take it so personally.

flowerpower

Wed, Dec 28 2016, 2:40 pm

amother wrote:

Who said anything about pressuring and nagging and being pushy?!?!?! I didn't lose sleep over it and didn't take it personally. I was just venting here and it was a mistake. Thats all. The end

amother

Natural

Thu, Dec 29 2016, 4:06 am

flowerpower wrote:

OP, you admitted you had called the mothers "a few times" vs one reminder call.

I am appreciative of teachers (and have worked as one myself) but I do not feel the need to be ordered or pressured to show my appreciation via a group gift.

amother

Jade

Thu, Dec 29 2016, 6:14 am

Op you have no idea what people are going through and if they can really afford that extra money or not. For me everyone thinks I have tons of money and can spend as I please and the truth is I don't. Family will gift my kids with vacations and presents so people assume but no one give me money so I don't have that extra cash to just lay out $100 here and there and I find that I get judged so much faster as being cheap because she has so much money why is she giving so little. Right now I'm really tight and we are giving rabbeim $75 times three and this is money I really don't have and I know that the rabbeim are going to think how cheap I am because in their mind I should be the parent that gives the $150 while the parent that will give them $25 when they can give 100 the rebbe will be so grateful to.

This really bothers me because I don't feel that I have to announce my financial status to the world and I feel judged many times. For me it's really hard because if I don't give what I don't have I feel like rabbeim will take it out of my kids because they will think I'm a horrible mother not to appreciate their hard work and not think I feel bad but maybe this parent doesn't have.

So op all I'm saying is be sensitive you
Have no idea who has and who doesn't and no just because you are class mother it doesn't mean that you deserve to know the classes parents financial status.

kenz

Thu, Dec 29 2016, 8:31 am

I've been class mother several times. Once one parent told me she wasn't able to give b/c it's not her minhag. This was years ago when I was apparently young and naïve. I asked the other class mother what she thought we should do rather than just give that much less. Her response was, "Why should the teachers suffer b/c a parent decides not to give? Let's split it." I was anything but rolling in money, but like I said, young and naïve. This was preschool. Well, it's about 10 years later and I'm still waiting for the other classmother to reimburse me her share of the $.
This year, the school did away with class mothers completely and sent a note home asking for parents to send in $20 per child. I had no problem with that, I'll give the $20, which I did fairly quickly. But I got at least 7 automated phone call reminders afterward giving parents no choice. Of course no one forced anyone to give, but it said nothing about "if you can." It was just one reminder after another to please make sure to send in the $ with your child as a gesture of hakaras hatov to all the hard-working teachers. Turned me off completely, and like I said, I'd already given. But if I hadn't been able to it would have been one call after another making me feel like nothing.

Eemaof3

Thu, Dec 29 2016, 8:36 am

I was once asked for $50 for my child's class! She is my youngest and the class mom had only one child. I told her point blank that I could not do that. In years when we could not afford it I made gifts with my children or found great deals and gave something on my own. As a teacher I know not everyone participates in class gifts but I could not care less. People participate as they can and I still send thank you notes to everyone. Should people get a "free ride" on the gift? No, but I truly doubt most people view it that way.