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Do we really owe him anything?
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amother




Plum


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 3:04 am
amother wrote:

Please understand it was an emergency situation.

Definition of Emergency: a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action.
My car was unexpectedly in a serious, potentially life threatening state that needed immediate attention.

I had to act fast so that the driver would get word before he started driving and I gave him the simplest instructions I could so that my sensitive son wouldn't be "left at school" for 2 hours after all the other children went home.

If we were talking medically here, then yes, that would define an emergency. It's not the same when talking about, say, your car or hamster.

And what you're not getting is that there should have been no instructions, simple or not, for the driver. That's not his problem. And you shouldn't see leaving your son at school for two hours as an alternative either. The school staff also have lives and want to go home
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baby12x









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 3:43 am
Even if it was a true emergency, wouldn't you still have to be super grateful and appreciative for him taking care of your kid?
He doesn't have to be gracious about it. He was doing YOU a FAVOR, unpaid and unwanted
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chavs









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 4:00 am
Omg! 5 pages in and you keep making excuses! Why on earth did you ask? You clearly have no intention on listening! You show no remorse and only entitlement, I really don't blame the driver for reacting how he did.
Does the fact that all of these women here who've listened and who keep saying the same thing shift how you see it at all? Does it make no difference?
You clearly could have taken different actions but you didn't and you need to take responsibility for that and act accordingly.
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chavs









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 4:02 am
And yes very much to what was said above me, even if you had no other choice you are not even showing gratitude, no one owes you anything!
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zaq









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 6:28 am
Ladies, Op isn't getting it and never will get it. There are people like that and there's no therapy for this disorder. I suggest you let this thread die rather than continuing to bang your collective heads against the wall of OP's supremely self centered self righteousness and entitlement.
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5mom









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 6:40 am
It occurs to me that the op is very isolated. If she had friends, she'd know what other moms do. (And by extension, that what she's doing is way out of line.) She lives in an apartment building but doesn't have a single neighbor to call in case she's not back in time. Maybe she just moved in, but it is unusual not to have a relationship with any of the neighbors.

Now, maybe she's so difficult that no one wants to be her friend, but maybe she's isolated and clueless and if someone befriended her, she'd learn the ropes.

But you are right, Zaq, that some people just don't get it. It's rare to have this kind of unanimous agreement. Everyone thinks she did wrong and she can't seem to understand why.
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happyone









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 7:11 am
Yes. Yes. And yes. If you can't afford $100 dollars, a nice card expressing your appreciation will go a long way.
Swallow your pride. Show appreciation. Take responsibility. MOVE ON.... this thread is going in circles ....
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moonstone









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 7:52 am
And just to complete the pile on....

Normally, if someone told me I owed them a $100 tip, I'd laugh in their face. But in this case, even I think you need to find that $100 somewhere. Borrow it, sell something on Craigslist, whatever. Give him the money with a heartfelt (or at least fake it convincingly) apology and words of appreciation for going above and beyond his job description.
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Squishy









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 9:18 am
amother wrote:
Uh, it took them time to diagnose the problem--it was busy that day so while I went there with 1.5 hrs until I had to be at school, by the time I got word of the problem, even a cab wouldn't have helped, I had no significant cash on me we had to make a complicated decision about fixing the car, and we needed our car back for carpool the next day. I tried, she told me she was going to be back in time. If I had someone who took responsibility to get my kid--why should've I taken a cab to go get him, then have no way of getting my car and be without it for 2 days?

Please understand it was an emergency situation.

Definition of Emergency: a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action.
My car was unexpectedly in a serious, potentially life threatening state that needed immediate attention.

I had to act fast so that the driver would get word before he started driving and I gave him the simplest instructions I could so that my sensitive son wouldn't be "left at school" for 2 hours after all the other children went home.


You really don't process well. Your car wasn't unexpectedly in an emergency state. You had a light on that you choose to ignore self-diagnosing it as a broken sensor. You went to the mechanic when you got around to it. YOU, and only YOU created this situation.

You were doing carpool with a car with a dangerous condition. Don't to owe your passengers a safe ride?
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Squishy









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 9:26 am
amother wrote:
I resent this insinuation. My son was never "left behind" or "not wanted" and I made these arrangements PRECISELY for this reason. When I was stuck at the mechanic, I thought about how he would feel so I called someone whom he knows well and would understand if he had to spend time there. Otherwise I pick up my kids at the same time every day. Until these few incidents I've not been late to pick up my kids.

And of course I don't believe my 4-year-old outright, but I am suspicious of somethings that he has said--when he's telling the truth his tone of voice is different than when he's lying--but I do take him with a "grain of salt" Of course I told him that what he was saying wasn't nice.

How is being stuck at a mechanic with a car that is unsafe to drive less of an "emergency" than an illness--if I had gone to pick up my kids with my car in that state I was told my car could've caught fire--so THAT should've been my emergency??!!. If I had a flat tire or busted radiator--would you say that's not an emergency? You've never met this guy, the principal understood our predicament and was able to intervene and he knows this guy's temperament. Again, if he would've at least have been NICE throughout all of this, I would feel gracious, but the fact that he wasn't willing to listen to reason or apologies from us at all.

I appreciated that he worked out with my babysitter to drop of my son at the doctor's office when she was still there--I would've gladly shown appreciation, but when he started yelling at us and refused to listen to us and "refused to take my son back to her" ruined it.


A flat tire or a busted radio is different than a warning light that YOU choose to ignore.

Do YOU yet realize those lights are there to indicate unsafe and dangerous conditions - not busted sensors? The second a light goes on in my car, I make arrangements to have it fixed. DH is a pretty good mechanic and engines speak to him. He would never say the car sounds fine - drive around as it is only a sensor.
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amother




Natural


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 10:26 am
What's so frustrating with this thread is not just the refusal to admit her role in the problem and inability to grasp what everyone keeps saying is the norm. It's not just the repeated excuses. There seems to be an expectation of acceptance for mediocrity because dang, adulting is so hard and I can't be perfect, right?
But it's not about being perfect. I am a very disorganized person. My kids are the ones in mismatched socks and half combed hair and my laundry is never folded and put away and there are always dishes in the sink and toys on the stairs. Baths don't happen for every child every night. I forget to send in signed permission slips and often find myself snapping a picture and emailing it to the school office. But these are things I let go because I am busy making sure the important stuff is covered. Someone needs to be home when the kids get home from school. Sometimes that someone is me, sometimes it's not, but there is always some arrangement in place. And that arrangment has to conform to the rules of the bus. No, you generally can't have different stops on different days (and if you do, there is NO changing it. If they're kind enough to allow a different drop off every Tuesday, then you don't make exceptions for the odd Tuesday where you happen to be home; you meet them at the designated Tuesday stop).
Car repairs happen. I don't know beans about cars, but I do know that if I take the car in, they're going to find a few more things to fix than what I initially brought it in for. I need to anticipate both more time and more money. I also have them call dh if they want to do anything beyond what I asked for because dh knows what might really need to be done and what they're just trying to upsell. See? No need to be at the mechanic to make these decisions. And who has time to sit around for 3 hours at the mechanic, even if it's not getting close to the end of the school day? You take the car in, be prepared for a round trip cab fare because you are probably going to have better stuff to do than wait for the car.

These are basic aspects of being an adult. Cars sometimes need repairs and it will take up a good chunk of the day, so plan accordingly. Traffic happens, especially in large metropolitan areas, you have to figure traffic into your transportation plans. School usually ends before most people are off of work, so you need to figure out that discrepancy. Kids have breaks and other random days off, all of which you can know by the beginning of the school year. Plan ahead. When we kvetch about how hard parenting can be and we need some slack, it means it's ok to serve cereal for dinner when things are too much. But it's not ok to skip dinner altogether, that's nonnegotiable. Some kind of reasonable food has to make it onto the table. Same here. Someone needs to be available when school ends, no ifs, ands, or buts, and relying on the bus to change the route on the day of the change is not an option because that's not how buses work. There's so much that you can let slide, childcare arrangments are not one of those things.
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GetReal









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 10:56 am
Leaving aside the question of whether or not he deserves a tip, I would give one because he's still going to be driving my son. I wouldn't want someone who was feeling resentful towards my child or my family to be responsible for my child.
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MrsDash









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 11:02 am
amother wrote:
What's so frustrating with this thread is not just the refusal to admit her role in the problem and inability to grasp what everyone keeps saying is the norm. It's not just the repeated excuses. There seems to be an expectation of acceptance for mediocrity because dang, adulting is so hard and I can't be perfect, right?
But it's not about being perfect. I am a very disorganized person. My kids are the ones in mismatched socks and half combed hair and my laundry is never folded and put away and there are always dishes in the sink and toys on the stairs. Baths don't happen for every child every night. I forget to send in signed permission slips and often find myself snapping a picture and emailing it to the school office. But these are things I let go because I am busy making sure the important stuff is covered. Someone needs to be home when the kids get home from school. Sometimes that someone is me, sometimes it's not, but there is always some arrangement in place. And that arrangment has to conform to the rules of the bus. No, you generally can't have different stops on different days (and if you do, there is NO changing it. If they're kind enough to allow a different drop off every Tuesday, then you don't make exceptions for the odd Tuesday where you happen to be home; you meet them at the designated Tuesday stop).
Car repairs happen. I don't know beans about cars, but I do know that if I take the car in, they're going to find a few more things to fix than what I initially brought it in for. I need to anticipate both more time and more money. I also have them call dh if they want to do anything beyond what I asked for because dh knows what might really need to be done and what they're just trying to upsell. See? No need to be at the mechanic to make these decisions. And who has time to sit around for 3 hours at the mechanic, even if it's not getting close to the end of the school day? You take the car in, be prepared for a round trip cab fare because you are probably going to have better stuff to do than wait for the car.

These are basic aspects of being an adult. Cars sometimes need repairs and it will take up a good chunk of the day, so plan accordingly. Traffic happens, especially in large metropolitan areas, you have to figure traffic into your transportation plans. School usually ends before most people are off of work, so you need to figure out that discrepancy. Kids have breaks and other random days off, all of which you can know by the beginning of the school year. Plan ahead. When we kvetch about how hard parenting can be and we need some slack, it means it's ok to serve cereal for dinner when things are too much. But it's not ok to skip dinner altogether, that's nonnegotiable. Some kind of reasonable food has to make it onto the table. Same here. Someone needs to be available when school ends, no ifs, ands, or buts, and relying on the bus to change the route on the day of the change is not an option because that's not how buses work. There's so much that you can let slide, childcare arrangments are not one of those things.


Love this!
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amother




Purple


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 11:17 am
I think the OP is very lucky the driver is super accommodating, allowing for a different Friday stop, and that he's still willing to take her son, despite her entitled attitude and demands.
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amother




Natural


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 11:28 am
amother wrote:
I think the OP is very lucky the driver is super accommodating, allowing for a different Friday stop, and that he's still willing to take her son, despite her entitled attitude and demands.

Now that I think about it, it really is above and beyond. The only time I've heard of buses allowing 2 different stops is where a kid has divorced parents and certain days of the week they get dropped off at mom's and the other days at dad's. And they have to stick with the schedule for the whole year, so let's say dad is on a business trip one week and the child is staying with mom the whole week, the bus schedule needs to stay the same, so mom has to either pick up from school on those days or meet the bus at dad's house and go home from there.
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ectomorph









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 11:37 am
Yes. You owe him $200 and an apology. You are completely in the wrong. He did you a huge favor and you were ungrateful. If I were him I would never go past the absolute minimum for you again.
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ectomorph









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 11:38 am
ectomorph wrote:
Yes. You owe him $200 and an apology. You are completely in the wrong. He did you a huge favor and you were ungrateful. If I were him I would never go past the absolute minimum for you again.
that wasn't a typo... $200 will give you a chance to increase his goodwill again
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amother




Purple


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 11:58 am
ectomorph wrote:
Yes. You owe him $200 and an apology. You are completely in the wrong. He did you a huge favor and you were ungrateful. If I were him I would never go past the absolute minimum for you again.


I hate tipping and am against it in general, but in this case, you owe him and a lot on top of that.
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 1:51 pm
I can't be the only one who doesn't have a "separate Friday location" In a family where there are 2 working parents with 40 work weeks, and all children who attend a program outside of the home so that there is no need for an "at home" babysitter? What about families where there's a single parent? or dual custody of children and they have to go to different homes?

Besides, I worked this arrangement out with the school--none of your business. One time I had an "urgent situation"--fine if you don't want to call it an emergency--and no in this case it wasn't so simple to handle it over the phone. Believe me, this threw me for a loop and I was scrambling to figure out things 'on the fly'. I understand that I made an error in planning which was mostly "post facto", but please understand that his error is that he's been holding this grudge for WEEKS already. I mean get over it, we've "held up our end" each time since then--besides for 1 time this week. I'm sorry that my car doesn't know how to jump over traffic. I'm sorry that I was spending most of my morning trying to decide if my kid was sick so we got out later than we wanted to. THINGS HAPPEN--but to demand a "Huge, like $100 tip," I think is ridiculous when I was willing to meet him to avoid him having to do more than necessary. I don't like tipping people who yell at me and don't listen to apologies.
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baby12x









  


Post  Thu, Dec 29 2016, 1:55 pm
amother wrote:
I can't be the only one who doesn't have a "separate Friday location" In a family where there are 2 working parents with 40 work weeks, and all children who attend a program outside of the home so that there is no need for an "at home" babysitter? What about families where there's a single parent? or dual custody of children and they have to go to different homes?

Besides, I worked this arrangement out with the school--none of your business. One time I had an "urgent situation"--fine if you don't want to call it an emergency--and no in this case it wasn't so simple to handle it over the phone. Believe me, this threw me for a loop and I was scrambling to figure out things 'on the fly'. I understand that I made an error in planning which was mostly "post facto", but please understand that his error is that he's been holding this grudge for WEEKS already. I mean get over it, we've "held up our end" each time since then--besides for 1 time this week. I'm sorry that my car doesn't know how to jump over traffic. I'm sorry that I was spending most of my morning trying to decide if my kid was sick so we got out later than we wanted to. THINGS HAPPEN--but to demand a "Huge, like $100 tip," I think is ridiculous when I was willing to meet him to avoid him having to do more than necessary. I don't like tipping people who yell at me and don't listen to apologies.


Did you ever even apologize?
Not, things happen too bad I'm sorry
But: I'm sorry. I was wrong. I really appreciate what you did and I am so so sorry that we put you in this situation. Please forgive us and we will make sure that this never happens again.

Because it doesn't sound like you did the second or feel like the second apology is even appropriate and ppl can tell when they are being given a non-apology
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