My child has 2 issues. Can any1 help me figure things out?

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 5:11 am

My oldest has two different issues that I am struggling to figure out how to deal with them.
1. She seems depressed, sad, agitates very easily. I know I have to find her a therapist or therapy of some kind (even things like art or play therapy) but I have no idea how to go about doing it. How wouldi go about finding one? I want to help my child before it really is too late (early elementary school age)
2. this same child has always had a terrible memory problem. Never remembering things. I dont know if this is something to go to the pediatrician about or to some other kind of doctor. But it is getting worse by the day and its making life, for this child and myself, worse and worse.
Any ideas?

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 5:26 am

Call the school, and ask for a professional assessment. The state has to give it to you, and it's free. From there, take the assessment to a pediatric neurologist and a psychiatrist.

The learning issues can cause depression and low self esteem. She may need an IEP to help her get her learning up to grade level, and the sense of accomplishment will go a long way towards helping her feel better about life.

Memory is a muscle that needs constant exercise. Get a "matching card" game for her, and play it with her often. Simple crossword puzzles are excellent, too. If there are stories that she likes you to read over and over, read out loud to her, but pause and see if she can fill in the missing words here and there. Start with the ending word in the sentence, because that is usually the easiest. For example, in the beginning of "Madelline", the line goes "In an old house in Paris, covered in _______ (vines), there were two little girls, in two straight ______(lines.) As she masters that, start removing words in the middle, like "Paris" and "girls".

It took my DD several years to get up to grade level, but with lots of one on one tutoring from the schools, she's doing wonderfully now. She's even mastered algebra, and math was her weakest subject! We did a lot of math games around the house, playing with recipes, going shopping, measuring things, etc. It's the little repetitions that add up over the long run. The day she brought home her very first A in math, we had a big party and ordered pizza. Very Happy

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 5:33 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

When you say the state will give it to you, you mean in america? Im not in america.
Second, I never mentioned that my child had learning issues. Actually she does fine in school on a whole. She is completely at grade level (Im not sure where you read that I said she had learning issues, but that she doesnt have)
OK, now, in terms of memory, I dont mean things like matching games and puzzles. Those she is great at actually. I mean things like she will do something and then leave everything around after she is finished. She seriously forgets that she has to return everything back to where it went. Or we made a chart to help her remember things she needed to do. She forgot about it.
And its funny that you gave math as an example because that is actualy my daughter's favorite subject.

salt

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 5:41 am

amother wrote:

OK, now, in terms of memory, I dont mean things like matching games and puzzles. Those she is great at actually. I mean things like she will do something and then leave everything around after she is finished. She seriously forgets that she has to return everything back to where it went. Or we made a chart to help her remember things she needed to do. She forgot about it.

That is less of a worry I think. It's not that she doesn't remember where things go, she just doesn't care to tidy up after her. I doubt she forgets to do it due to lack of memory, it's just not high up on her priority list. I don't think that's an issue at that age. Just remind her and do it together with her if you can, and give her lots of praise when she's done it.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 5:41 am

I strongly suspect my daughter (high school) has ADD. (I have several boys that do.)

She never remembers to put anything away. Doesn't deal with things once she's done using them. Never remembers where she left something. Doesn't remember to do anything I've asked her to do, especially if she's in the middle of something else. If she has a few things to do she'll do one but promptly forget all about the rest. Loses track of her belongings. These are just some traits off the top of my head. Not sure if this sounds like your daughter at all.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 5:43 am

salt wrote:

What age are you talking about?

amother

Coffee

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 5:44 am

It was a very hard time with our daughter for a few years until we did what is called in israel a psycodidactic ivchun. it is a very clear way of figuring out what kind of problems your child has and you get a clear report to give to the school on how they need to teach her.
we learned that my daughter has short term memory problems among other things. it really spelled out what we need to do and we got a 20 page report to give to the school. it was expensive but one of the best things we ever did.
I did a lot of research and learned the best place to do it is at alyn hospital in yerushalayim.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 5:51 am

amother wrote:

Hi poster. I am the OP. I am from Israel. How would I go about getting such an ivchun?

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 6:02 am

OP, sorry I misunderstood you. I assumed that you were worried about memory affecting schooling. I also assumed you were in America. My bad!

I'm happy to hear that she's doing well in school. Forgetting to put things back is age appropriate for someone who's in elementary school. You just have to stay on top of them. Interrupt whatever she's doing, and make her put stuff away. Don't let her go back until it is cleaned up to your satisfaction. Do this over, and over, and over.

My DD is 13, and she still leaves messes. I'm constantly on top of her, and I'm only seeing the tiniest bit of improvement. At least she's stopped leaving the ice cream out on the counter! She realized that if she keeps ruining it, I will stop buying it for her. Same with the milk. The next time she wants cereal, there won't be any milk. You have to use natural consequences. If she wants to bake cookies for her friends at school, she can't go back to her beloved computer, until the kitchen is spotless. I WILL drag her out of a Skype call to come back in and wash the mixing bowl, and she knows it.

Do not, repeat DO NOT clean up after her. EVER. Clothes don't make it into the laundry? Don't come crying to me when you have nothing to wear. No clean forks in the house? Look in your room and bring them to the sink! Can't find your homework? Go explain to the teacher that you lost it. No, I don't care if the teacher is going to yell at you.

Also, Google "executive functioning issues". You might find some good info there.

Just look at it this way, you're practicing for when she becomes a teenager! LOL

salt

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 6:18 am

amother wrote:

What age are you talking about?

you said early elementary school age - so I'm guessing 6-8-ish.
I don't think kids at that age can always be expected to clear up after themselves unless they are reminded a few times.
If she is disobeying, when you ask her to, that's one thing, but if she is just doesn't think about it, ask her to. But don't say "please put your colors away after you've finished supper" - she maybe forget - again, I don't think that's a big deal.
Once she's finished supper say to her "now you're done with supper, please put your colors away now before you forget", bring her the box, and make sure she gets started.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Jan 02 2017, 3:54 pm

You've gotten good advice her.

If she seems like she's depressed, take her to child psychologist ASAP (I suffered from depression at age 6, it is not something you want to wait even a few weeks on, and play therapy is not enough). Ask everyone you know for recommendations, ask her pediatrician, ask your friends, ask tipat chalav (even if your kid is too old, they are stil la good resource), ask the principal/teachers at school, ask on here (post your location).

Also, a pediatric neurologist can help you here too - make an appointment now, because the average wait time in Israel for a pediatric neurologist is 4 months. If you tell me where you are located, I might be able to recommend someone.

If your child is still gan-age, then call hitpatchut hayeled and ask for an evaluation with the developmental doctor (this is raelly a pediatric neurologist). Past gan age, I'm not sure how relevant this is (my daughter is still gan age).

If your daughter has trouble remembering things the way you describe,these aren't memory issues but rather organizational issues. And I don't just mean organizing outside yourself, it's organizing thoughts and tasks inside yourself (I cannot remember what this is called more formally). I have ADHD and I have these problems too. But these are things can be taught and learned with time.