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Discipline and following through question
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amother
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Post Fri, Jan 06 2017, 12:59 pm
Ahuva wrote:
Discipline is not about asserting authority. The point of discipline is to teach children the trait of self discipline and self control, and to respond in a peaceful and respectful mannor. You achieved that. No consequence necessary.
You are doing a fantastic job. For a 4 yr old to respond in such a way is amazing.


THIS. If all motivation is EXTERNAL (punishments, rewards, sticker charts, prizes, commands), a child will not understand why the rules are important in the first place and will not develop the self discipline to want to be good just for the sake of enjoying their own good choices! I have three children, the oldest is 6. I have never once given a time out, took away a privilege, or insisted on a command just because I am the mother and I said so. Instead, I have conversations with the kids explaining why the rule is good for THEM. It is nice to put away toys because it is more fun to play with toys that are organized and separated. It is nice to brush our teeth because remember when we had to get that cavity filled? Etc. I have two easy going kids, and my oldest is NOT. But this is method of explaining things logically for his own good in a calm, rational, loving way gets him to cooperate almost all of the time. Kids WANT to be good. If there is a physical reason for their misbehavior, it is your responsibility to fix that--what do you expect? If it is a behavioral problem, your responsibility to find out why your child is doing this and explain how changing his behavior is for his good. You also don't have to notice everything. The healthiest kids come from parents that are between moderate and permissive, as opposed to authoritative.
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