I'm happy to go without, but I hate when my kids have to!

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Pumpkin

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 5:18 pm

We live very simply in order to make ends meet. We have no car, we never eat out, I wore the same sheitel for 13 years, we have no household help, etc. We both work hard but don't make much. Somehow we've been getting by, and I'm very happy to live the way we live. I prefer to be financially independent than to live on higher standards while being supported by others.

Our 11-year-old has developed a very obvious overbite and looks pretty ridiculous. It's something you can't miss when you look at him. I took him to the orthodontist for an estimate, and she quoted us one and said we could pay it out over 10 months. It still came out to a lot, but his teeth are so bad that we decided we were going to do it anyway. But then, some unexpected things came up...and some expected ones. We had a baby, we made a bar mitzvah, one our kids had an accident and needed multiple hospital visits--and now there's no way we can afford the braces. I hate hate hate depriving my child of something that he needs due to finances. I don't want him to be made fun of. He's already refraining from opening his mouth - he smiles with his lips closed so that people shouldn't notice his teeth. I wish I could say it was just a matter of time before we recover from all the expenses, but even before these things came up we were barely making ends meet, so I don't know how we can save up for braces now. And I hate that.

Thanks for letting me vent. I guess that's really all I wanted.

amother

Orchid

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 5:26 pm

Firstly, big hugs!!!

I know this is difficult and humiliating, but for the sake of your child, would you consider obtaining outside help to fund this?

If your child wouldn't care, that would be something else, but if said child is smiling with his mouth closed, I'm afraid this may cause negative self-image issues. Not looking to make it harder for you, but something to consider.

Liba

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 5:43 pm

Sometimes a dental school is a good solution. They often provide dental care for reduced rates and there are supervisors, so you can be assured that you are receiving appropriate care.

amother

Pumpkin

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 6:03 pm

amother wrote:

I hear you, but nobody's really offering to help us anyway. Our parents don't have the means to, and neither do our siblings.

amother

Pumpkin

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 6:05 pm

Liba wrote:

Sometimes a dental school is a good solution. They often provide dental care for reduced rates and there are supervisors, so you can be assured that you are receiving appropriate care.

Do you know of a dental school that offers orthodontic care in northern Israel? Truth is, the orthodontist who quoted us a price gives discounted rates to the frum community, so the price we were given was already lower than the going rate, but I would still check out a dentistry school to see if they could give us a better rate. Thanks for the idea.

naturalmom5

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 7:08 pm

Can you or your husband train for a better paying job or get more income

amother

Ruby

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 7:29 pm

Is there a chessed organizAyion in your community that can help you?
Maybe your rav has an idea.
Where we live ( lathe oot community) the local Bikur cholim, or other organizations help in such a case.

naomi2

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 7:34 pm

I would borrow money in this case.

sequoia

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 7:56 pm

Online fundraiser?

DVOM

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 9:05 pm

Pumpkin, this sounds awful! I'm so sorry for you and your little guy. We also live very simply. I find that there is no peace of mind like living within our means, even if it means doing without. Like you though, it really gets to me when I feel like my kids are suffering because of it. My husband is in school, so I can look forward to a time when we will hopefully have a better income. You didn't post too many details... can you and your husband expect to make a better salary in the future? I know plenty of people who got braces as young adults. If you can't afford it now, will you be able to afford it sometime soon? I find that it helps me emotionally to tell myself that while this or that is not something I can provide for my boys right now, there will come a time when with god's help we will be able to.

Another thought: Something we've done in the past is ask for an extended payment plan. For example, would it make the dental payments more manageable if you could pay them out in 20 months instead of 10? We were pleasantly surprised by the response we got when we asked this to a hospital we owed money to. They saw that we were responsible about paying up our bill, albeit a teeny tiny drop at a time, and because the payments were so small, we were able to make it work. It can't hurt to ask.

amother

Rose

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 9:57 pm

Just wanted to say your subject line says it all. I feel the same way

familyfirst

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 11:16 pm

Hugs. Yiu remarkable, wonderful lady.

Yiu really have no choice here. Your son's self image is in the line here. For life. Borrow the money from an individual or a gmach but borrow it yiu must. Or swallow your pride and accept it as a gift from whomever. Consider it an emergency as you did with the hospital visits.

About the 13 year old shaitel- that's way too long a time. Paula young wigs are under $100 and can't look any worse than what you're wearing now. Some of them are really nice!

I admire your attitude and resiliency. Special, actually. Now go get your son the braces he needs and deserves so that you don't end up spending all the money you saved on therapy.

Pooh

Sat, Jan 07 2017, 11:37 pm

Op pm me I know of an organization that used to help w free dental care for people without funds. I just need to double check they still do that.. pls be in touch w me I'll find out BH

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 1:42 am

Thanks for all the replies. In a nutshell, it's impossible for me to train for anything right now, but DH recently started a small business on the side. He's not making much money so far, but maybe down the line he will.

The problem with an extended payment plan is that the ortho said he'll first need a night brace for a year, which will cost 3000, and after that, he'll need braces, which will be an additional 10,000. I don't want to still be paying off the 3000 when we're faced with an additional 10,000 nis charge.

We may have to take out a loan, but I would hate to do that without knowing how we're going to pay it back. And right now, I really don't know.

Pooh, are you sure this organization helps people outside of the US? I would out myself to you if it would help, but I don't want to do that and then find out we're not eligible.

Thanks.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 1:45 am

Oh, and about the shaitel - I'm no longer wearing that one BH. About 3 years ago, I got a new one for a family simcha. I expect to last me for many more years IYH.

familyfirst

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 2:08 am

$13,000 on orthodontic care sounds like a LOT!!!

Best to comparison shop. There's gotta be a cheaper option out there

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 2:10 am

familyfirst wrote:

$13,000 on orthodontic care sounds like a LOT!!!

Best to comparison shop. There's gotta be a cheaper option out there

Shekels, not dollars. This is a special rate for the frum community.

Teomima

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 2:26 am

amother wrote:

Do you know of a dental school that offers orthodontic care in northern Israel?

Perhaps this?
https://www.rambam.org.il/depa......aspx
Also, I don't know what kupah you are on, but some have discounted orthodontic care for members with their supplementary insurance. There may be a waiting period, and of course it's an additional cost, but if you run the figures it may turn out to be worthwhile for you.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 2:33 am

Teomima wrote:

Thanks for the suggestion. We're not near Rambam, and while I don't mind traveling, we would end up paying so much on transportation each time that I wonder if it would be worth it. I can look into it though.

I did check out our kupah. With their supplementary insurance, we would still end up paying more than the price we were quoted by this private orthodontist.

ray family

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 3:44 am

amother wrote:

I don't know which kupah you're one but most kupot cover dental for children. it might be worth your while to upgrade this child's heath plan so that he gets more benefits if by doing so he can get more dental coverage. check out the price difference to see if it's relevant at all.
good luck!

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