Need creative solution for Bar Mitzvah

tsrbalt

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 12:29 am

My son is becoming Bar Mitzvah in August, IY"H. This will be my 5th and last Bar Mitzvah and out of all of my sons he is the most thrilled. He loves the dancing and singing and laining practices. Unfortunately, our financial situation is dire and while we live out-of-town and Bo Bayoms are not lavish, we cannot afford a catered affair. I am planning to make the kiddush in my house and can have the meals in our shul if I cook there, but I don't have the time or energy to prepare a Bo Bayom meal there too. He is looking forward to his friends dancing at his simcha and it would kill me to see him disappointed. He is a really good boy and there are a bunch of Bar Mitzvahs before and after and while I know we can't worry that he'll compare, I keep thinking I can cone up with a creative solution in which he won't feel gypped but won't be so expensive. My sister suggested making a brunch which might be cheaper...anyone have any other ideas???

happy mommy6

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 12:36 am

Mazel tov!
Firstly, make sure his frinds will be in town. ...many go to camp and august is Bein hazmanim as well.
If it is during Bein hazmanim, you may be able to find a Bachur who plays keyboard for significantly less.

iyar

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 11:39 am

Do you absolutely have to prepare Shabbos meals at the shul? That's a lot of work for you, and even though it's a lot cheaper than catered it's still an expense. If you can give Kiddush in shul and just have family in your own home for Shabbos seudos, you'll have more left to fund something during the week.

Even a boy who isn't picky and doesn't care if he has a lavish catered affair might feel sorry to miss out on the music and dancing. If you're really out to make him feel special, it sounds like you'll have to do something on a weekday.

The good news is you don't need to invite your 300 closest friends for a five course dinner. If your son has his friends and Rabbayim there and you have music and space to dance, he'll probably be happy. The meal doesn't have to be complicated: Hamotzi; something the boys would like to eat (can be simple like burgers and fries); dessert. He might be the type to like something to give everyone- there are some very reasonable options for birchonim today. As far as the timing: Motzei Shabbos/ brunch/ bo bayom- try to choose a time when it's likely many or most of his friends will be able to attend.

You mentioned he's your youngest. If it's at all possible, try not to do anything very different than what you did for his older brothers.

Mazel Tov!

thunderstorm

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 11:56 am

My sons school did not allow the friends to go to the Bo Bayom event. So the boys came to the kiddush on Shabbos and the Friday after the Bo Bayom the class celebrated in school with dancing and music. And the Bar Mitzvah boy said his pshetl ( dvar Torah )And small individual challahs, potatoe kugel and dips and ice cream were served. The parents had to purchase it. It was about $75. Every boy experienced the same. One of my sons also had a summer Bar Mitzvah and he opted not to have the school celebration but otherwise he would've had one at the beginning of the next school yr.
Yours is a tough one. But maybe you can serve similar to what my sons class party had. I'm not sure what your sons standards are though

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 1:42 pm

Some of our schools make the Bo Bayom in school to avoid the boys being out late at evening affairs & ruining the next day's learning.

They do some kind of fleishig lunch in school, parents come and the friends dance, I assume (actually I haven't gone to them) - probably one of the kids in the class plays the keyboard.

I imagine out of town they don't do this because the classes are smaller & perhaps the evening affairs can end earlier, but it might be something to discuss with the hanhollah.

On second thought, though, you said August so I suppose there's no school. Oh well. But you can still do a low-key boys' affairs with music & dancing & hot dogs & cholent. Does not have to be sophisticated or geared to grownups. If friends may be away, perhaps out of town cousins his age could be invited as well?

mummiedearest

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 1:43 pm

is there a nursing home nearby? see if you can have the event there as entertainment for the residents. nursing homes generally have big entertainment rooms. ask if they have a good sound system. bring music, the boys, family, and a spread of nosh. no need for a full catered meal. pizza will do if you want something meal-like. If your son is looking forward to the dancing, I'm sure his friends will be lively. the residents will be happy, and you won't have to pay much. and it's always nice to link bar or bas mitzvahs with chessed.

amother

Babypink

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 7:46 pm

My youngest brothers bo bayom was in my parents house just for friends and his rebbi. We served fleishigs buffet style. He said his pshetl and my mother hired a keyboard player. They had a blast. This is what his school allowed for friends. (He did have a huge shabbos tent party on shabbos)

Hashem_Yaazor

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 8:03 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

Shabbos ends late in August, but may still be feasible -- to have a pizza melaveh malka in your house for friends and rabbeim with some music from the stereo and dancing?

Why was I hugged for this??
I've been to something similar and it was so nice and leibdik...but it was an idea. Not a life situation that needs a hug.

tsrbalt

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 9:43 pm

I really appreciate the suggestions. The main catch is that my house is really too small to accommodate dancing. I can probably get my brother to play the keyboard. My shul has been generous in the past about giving us a bit of a break on the costs of the rental but as I said, the food has to be catered or cooked there. His older brothers had catered Bo Bayoms, most of which he wouldn't remember, but we've made two chasunas since, B"H, and 2 more entering the Parsha and are in a worse financial situation than before. The Bo Bayom would only be for his friends and Rebbeim and maybe grandparents. I appreciate all of your suggestions and will definitely try to incorporate some of them, thank you!

amother

Lime

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 10:31 pm

I also agree with Iyar
Have the Bo Bayamos in Shul.
Hotdog, hamburger bar withall the fixings, make your own buffet style
French fries, onion rings
Coleslaw, pasta salad (I have a great recipe), corn relish/salad
Chips and dip
Think summer Bbq

Watermelon
ice sorbet, or icecream if the budget allows

Shabbos at home with a smaller group, maybe just family and his closest 3-4 friends.

Rutabaga

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 11:20 pm

Do you have or know anyone who has a decent sized backyard? Or do you have a park nearby where you can reserve a field or picnic area? You can make a really festive outdoor bar mitzvah with music and dancing and relatively cheap food.

Does your son go to camp? If so, could you make the party there?

I really love the nursing home suggestion by mummiedearest. Another similar idea is to contact a group home for disabled children or call your local Yachad group and find out if there are any boys who will become bar mitzvah around the same time as your son. Maybe you could offer to do a joint party and split costs or something. You can make a different kind of party rather than trying to duplicate what his older siblings had on a smaller budget.

Mazel tov!

shirachadasha

Mon, Jan 09 2017, 12:27 am

Have you asked him directly what he would like? Based on what you said, he might say that he doesn't care about any details other than having singing and dancing with his friends. If that's the case, you can use some of the less,expensive options mentioned above and rest assured that he's happy.
Mazal tov!