Does name really affect child?

gold21

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 7:32 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Here is my take- it's really special to name after a parent or grandparent or even a great grandparent( if you knew them). No one has to tell you what to do since "you carried the baby for 9 months". But some things are nice and even a bit respectful. We as yidden are taught to honor our parents and this is a little part of if. If the person you may name after wasn't a respectful or kind person then ask a rav what to do.

It's cultural.

My parents and in-laws are very low-pressure about names. They don't favor a child with a name for their side. They don't make a big deal out of it.

It is a little over the top in certain circles.

Anyway, all my kids are name-afters. Tongue Out

KA"H. When there's no pressure, it makes it that much nicer.

flowerpower

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 7:35 pm

gold21 wrote:

It's cultural.

My parents and in-laws are very low-pressure about names. They don't favor a child with a name for their side. They don't make a big deal out of it. My mom has occasionally suggested baby names that she likes, just stam nice names, in a low-key kind of way, no pressure at all. They weren't even family names, just names she thinks have beautiful meanings, like "Nesanel". My mother in law is the same way. My father in law is into family names but doesn't make a big deal out of it. My father was emotional about the name-after for his side but never mentioned or requested it prior.

It doesn't have to be such a big deal. It's a little over the top in certain circles.

It's cultural for sure. I agree. I never felt any pressure at all though. Before giving a name, my parents or in laws never asked me anything. I just use common sense. If I had one deceased grandfather and was having a boy then I chose to give that name. Not all my kids are named after grandparents.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 8:01 pm

Based on what my Rav told me, I think there is something to it...

My son was the first one born after my father was niftar, and there was tremendous expectation from everyone in my family and extended family that he would be named after my father.

But my father had tremendous middos problems-an anger problem, terrible towards his wife etc.

Our Rav told us because of this we should not name our son after him,and the way to get around it was by naming my fathers name but after somebody else-but the key was that the person calling out the name by the Bris had to know that he was being named after the tzadik we had in mind, and not my father.

Thats what we did, and and another Rav told us the exact same thing...so it makes me think there is something to it

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 9:11 pm

amother wrote:

So the whole point was that your extended family should be happy thinking that your son is named for your father, when really that wasn't what you wanted to do?

What will you say when your son is older and he asks you who he was named after?

amother

Olive

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 9:38 pm

There is soooo much I have to say on this topic.

Both my kids are named after grandparents. It is expected to name your first child after the new mothers side and the second child after the new fathers side and so on.

One parent decided that they really wanted us to name after their parent. And if I say that grandparent was a depressed manipulative naccissist is not doing her justice. There isn't a single positive memory from her. And notmany neutral either...
And so we named after a different grandparent that had a very easy personality. Always jolly, happy and full of emunah and betachon despite the many hardships she had. She had 5 beautiful children of which 4 reached adulthood. One sich child that is now in a home. She lost another child and outlived her dear husband. She lost her father as a teen and lots of other difficulties. She did an amazing amount of chesed and with all that her family came first. She had a huge heart with so much love to give, it spilled over.

My kid is such a lovebug everyone comments on her. She's a happy jolly kid. And sharp too. She's just pure joy to be around. (She does nag at times Wink

) Her comments frequently remind me of my grandma. My grandmother was ALWAYS busy. She kept life colorful. And dd is such a busy body it's impossible to keep up with her sometimes.
My family who have children named after her all say the same!
My other grandmother, all the kids named after her are very difficult children. They are super bright (like my grandmother was) very sharp and very manipulative and explosive. And pretty. They are children and will iyh grow up to be wonderful people but they are difficult children to raise. Just ask my siblings. Oh my.

On my husbands side, there are lots of boys with on name. And they all have a similar gene to my grandfather. As little lids they are WILD animals. Uncontrollable. The older they get, the more they succeed in yeshivah and when the reach mid teen years they are such sweet calm young men with a zaftig personality. its amazing how they all are following that path. You just have to sweat thru the early years.

Oh and one name (dd2), all of my mils grandchildren - and a daughter - with that name are little people. Petite and small as babies. Some grow up to be tall others not and some are thin others not. but all of them have a super petite and narrow bone structure.

It could be coincidence. But I don't think so.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Jan 08 2017, 10:05 pm

amother wrote:

When he is old enough/mature enough to understand then we will tell him he is really named after the tzadik. I was told not to name after my father specifically because it was a concern that he had such terrible middos etc. The extended family did not know about his abusive side and it wouldve caused an uproar, something I was not in the mood of.

essie14

Mon, Jan 09 2017, 12:48 am

I think it's terribly unfair for a grandparent to favor a child named for his/her parent or spouse. No one in my family does that. My mother loves all her grandchildren equally and does NOT favor the ones named for her father. Sorry, I don't think that's a beautiful thing at all.
I have a friend whose father was very cold and distant. She refuses to name any of her children for him and I know that her mother is disappointed and I'm sure people in the community think it's strange that she never named any of her sons after her father but I 100% respect her for her choice.

MyUsername

Mon, Jan 09 2017, 3:14 am

My family are strong believers that the name affects the child. So, they have a few ways to deal with naming after someone less than ideal (died young, was childless, had a miserable life, was very sick for many years, had bad character traits, etc):

1) Name after 2 relatives - for example, if you want to name after a relative who died young use that as one name and add a middle name after a relative who lived a long life

2) Change the name somewhat - For example, if Meir had a very bad life, then use a similar name instead but that is related, such as Yair.

3) Add a name that has the trait the person was missing - for example, if Grandpa Yosef died young, then cal the kid Yosef Chaim (chaim = life), or if Grandma Esther was always depressed, then call the kid Esther Rina (Rina = joy).

4) Name after someone else entirely and ignore the fact that the family might be talking about it behind your back

5) Pray that your child will have good middos and a good life

amother

Indigo

Mon, Jan 09 2017, 9:33 am

essie14 wrote:

I don't know how it is by other people. All I said was that my grandfather feels a special connection to that son. He treats all my children wonderfully and lovingly and gives each special attention. When he speaks to us, we notice he asks about that son more often. Can elderly people not be human? Do you think toward the end of one's life, one doesn't have continuity and legacy on their mind? It is human for him to feel in some way that his father's memory is being carried on.