So, did you get a thank you from your son's rebbi?

Simple1

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 10:16 am

amother wrote:

So now do the parents need to write a thank you letter for the thank you note for the thank you gift?
and when does "common courtesy" stop?

To me, a gift to a Rebbe/teacher is my way of saying thank-you, in the same way the a heartfelt note is. There have been many years when, under financial strain, we could not afford to send gifts to all the teachers (at the year's end, obligatory chanuka gift is not a "thing" in our oot school) so I instead wrote a poem or heartfelt note. To me, that expressed my hakaras hatov just as much (or more) than a check would. But its ludicrous to expect a thank you note from the teacher for my thank you note, right? So why is this any different?
If you didn't feel swelling hakaras hatov for the teacher and only gave because it's a "thing" and you have to, I see why you feel like the teacher "owes" you a thank you. But to be annoyed because you didn't get a thank you card... maybe don't give a gift next time, because you obviously gave it not wholeheartedly.
( now is it wonderful middos if a teacher does write a thank you note? Of course, and it means he also had the time - which for many is in short supply. But the inverse is not equally true)

The thank you is for the gift not for the "Thank you".

Again, though, I'll repeat that I'm not one to force obligations on anyone, and would try to look away if a note is forgotten.

I did have some teachers tell me how much they appreciated my note. Typically a note to a teacher will be more meaningful than the average obligatory thank you notes for gifts.

Simple1

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 10:21 am

amother wrote:

Not from your Honey amd not from your sting.
I can imagine what type of parent you are. Probably not the easiest one. You have a todays days attitude, I pay tuition why do I need to tip them? Are you in lala land? Do you know I work like a dog and I am owed November and December? Your $25 is towards my breakfast. Im not going on cruises.

No offense, but I don't think I'd want you teaching my kids. And I'm an easy parent who never complains. Not saying I'd be a better teacher - that's why I never tried getting a teaching job.

Simple1

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 10:24 am

GetReal wrote:

This is an enlightening thread to me. I never thought to write thank you notes for presents from parents, as a teacher. I would verbally say thank you to the kid or to the parent if I saw them. Now as a parent I put effort and money into gifts and I never expected thank yous. This Chanukah I gave 15 and got two handwritten thank you cards and one email. So maybe now that I see the other side, I'll try to write notes if parents give me gifts in the future. As a parent though I still don't feel that they are necessary. Thank you for the thank you feels a little much. But thanks for everyone on this thread for showing me the other perspective.

A verbal thank you is still a thank you. But I would tell the parents, because maybe the kid won't give over the message. Maybe for very generous gifts, a note is more proper.

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 10:26 am

am I the only one who couldn't care less if the Rebbi sent me a thank you or not? I sent a generous tip because I think the Rebbi deserves it and because it's the right thing to do. I know the Rebbi appreciates it regardless of if he bothers to say it or not.
is it mentchlich to say thanks? for sure.
do I wait for it or keep track of my thank yous? no way!

amother

Bronze

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 10:30 am

amother wrote:

You don't like it? Find another job. I work like a dog and can't always spare $25. It is NOT a requirement to give you anything beyond tuition costs. The school is to blame for mismanaged finances. (It may be an impossible situation for the school, but don't blame parents who pay tuition!!).

All we "owe" is a verbal thank you. Anything beyond that is a gift. Don't be entitled.

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 10:34 am

amother wrote:

Could also be the parents are stretched beyond their limits and making sacrifices to pay tuition. They may be paying full tuition despite your paychecks being late. It could be they had to give up something they needed or put more money on a credit card they don't know how they'll pay back, to write your $18 check.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 10:34 am

Indigo amother, no I couldn't care either. I've never received a thank you from my kids teachers, and when I taught I had no idea this was a required thing at all. (people do send thank you's for wedding, baby gifts etc) I see it in the same way as when you do someone a huge favour eg take care of their kids for a week while they go on vacation and they bring you a nice gift. You don't send a thank you card in that case, nor should teachers.

Of course, there are always people who go above and beyond and thats very nice. But it doesn't mean other people are rude not to do so.

Bronze amother, I also can't afford to give my kids teachers gifts. But we give what we can. More then we can afford. Because we think they deserve it. AND WE STILL DON'T NEED A THANK YOU CARD.

Maybe My Family

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 5:07 pm

amother wrote:

Excuse me ?!?! U can imagine what type of person you are

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 6:29 pm

amother wrote:

I see it in the same way as when you do someone a huge favour eg take care of their kids for a week while they go on vacation and they bring you a nice gift. You don't send a thank you card in that case, nor should teachers.

Totally different scenarios. One is an unpaid HUGE favor. The other is a professional being paid to do a job.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 6:55 pm

amother wrote:

Totally different scenarios. One is an unpaid HUGE favor. The other is a professional being paid to do a job.

underpaid to do a job.

You don't give your lawyer or ob gyn cash gifts. Because they are paid well. But people give teachers cash gifts since they are not usually paid well.

amother

Linen

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 7:24 pm

amother wrote:

underpaid to do a job.

You don't give your lawyer or ob gyn cash gifts. Because they are paid well. But people give teachers cash gifts since they are not usually paid well.

No I give teachers/ cash gifts because they take care of my precious children and spend time with them for more of their waking hours than we parents do ..... Nothing to do with their pay at all .......