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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Why doesn't my child like going to playgroup?



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Lizzie4




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 4:13 am
It's getting embarrassing. embarrassed
We knock on the door to the playgroup, and my 2 1/2 year old shies away and refuses to go inside. I usually have to "persuade" him by saying "wanna show Morah your Mitzvah note?" or "today's Friday! You're going to get shabbos party!".
Let me preface this by saying that the Morah I send him to has over 20 years of experience and runs a fully legal, and structured program. She is great with the kids. There are 10 children with her and an assistant, who I know personally.
All the kids are cute and the Morah said they are all well-behaved and there is no "bullying".

I just don't know what to do!
Any ideas or input?
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Tzutzie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 5:49 am
He likes staying home with mommy better? Some kids are like that.
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utissis




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 6:08 am
I had a child who didn't like going to playgroup and I realized it was a bad personality match. Some kids are super easy and blend with any Morah and some need something more specific. I never would have thought it a big deal until I saw it with my child. My child needed a warmer more loving Morah and the Morah I sent to with all her experience and an assistant was more rigid and structured. When I look back I regret not having pulled that child out and found a more suitable place.
My sister also had a child who cried to go to playgroup and when she switched him he went so happily to a different Morah.
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justforfun87




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 7:09 am
How does your child act when picked up? Do the children look happy?
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amother
Denim


 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 8:47 am
if your child has been complaining consistently I would find out how he is during the playgroup, notice how is he when you pick him up?

If you think he's unhappy than either this particular playgroup or playgroup in general is not a good fit for him. Is keeping him home an option?
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 9:16 am
Never force a barely verbal child to to go a playgroup they do not like. In my experience with my barely verbal child, I later found out the perfectly nice, experienced Morah was abusing the kids. We only found out once he stopped going and felt safe to tell us.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 11:14 am
Maybe has has separation anxiety? How is he once he is there? Does he cry the whole time or is he happy there?
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 12:16 pm
Lizzie4 wrote:
It's getting embarrassing. embarrassed
We knock on the door to the playgroup, and my 2 1/2 year old shies away and refuses to go inside. I usually have to "persuade" him by saying "wanna show Morah your Mitzvah note?" or "today's Friday! You're going to get shabbos party!".
Let me preface this by saying that the Morah I send him to has over 20 years of experience and runs a fully legal, and structured program. She is great with the kids. There are 10 children with her and an assistant, who I know personally.
All the kids are cute and the Morah said they are all well-behaved and there is no "bullying".

I just don't know what to do!
Any ideas or input?
when my 2 year old was reluctant to go, I realized that even though he wasn't being bullied, he perceives it as such when other kids grab his toys and he's too timid to respond.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 12:36 pm
I have kids in my group who actually are the bullies and still shy away at the door, bc they don't like getting the consequences- if they pull a friend or take a toy away, they need to go to the side and play with a different toy. One of them does it as a shtick- she knows that if she kvetches enough mommy will stay for longer and longer.

The best way to drop off is to make it quick and sweet. Don't come in, bring the child to the door, 'have a great day!' And leave. No reassuring, bc that means there is something to be nervous about. No lingering, bc that worries the child too. Quick, short, not even to come in for a hug and kiss and help hang things up.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 4:22 pm
Is he crying or just hesitant? Upset? How's his sleeping, eating, and other behavior at home?
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Lizzie4




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 4:27 pm
Thank you to everyone who responded. Good point utissis, that could be. My child is very dreamy and it is more structured. And Tzutzie- he loves staying home. During Chanukah vacation, he didn't miss Morah at all and looked annoyed when I brought the subject up.
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Lizzie4




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 4:29 pm
amother wrote:
Never force a barely verbal child to to go a playgroup they do not like. In my experience with my barely verbal child, I later found out the perfectly nice, experienced Morah was abusing the kids. We only found out once he stopped going and felt safe to tell us.


That's terrible! Crying
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Lizzie4




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 4:33 pm
flowerpower wrote:
Maybe has has separation anxiety? How is he once he is there? Does he cry the whole time or is he happy there?


He's totally fine once he's there. The other kids look happy as well. Sometimes he dilly dallies leaving to go back home! so I know he's having a nice time in general. it's just the getting him in part that worries me.
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Lizzie4




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 4:39 pm
ectomorph wrote:
when my 2 year old was reluctant to go, I realized that even though he wasn't being bullied, he perceives it as such when other kids grab his toys and he's too timid to respond.


Very interesting. The morah mentioned that when someone takes his toys, he makes a pouting face, instead of reacting, and says "mine" even if it was a toy he was playing with earlier.
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Lizzie4




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 4:41 pm
amother wrote:
I have kids in my group who actually are the bullies and still shy away at the door, bc they don't like getting the consequences- if they pull a friend or take a toy away, they need to go to the side and play with a different toy. One of them does it as a shtick- she knows that if she kvetches enough mommy will stay for longer and longer.

The best way to drop off is to make it quick and sweet. Don't come in, bring the child to the door, 'have a great day!' And leave. No reassuring, bc that means there is something to be nervous about. No lingering, bc that worries the child too. Quick, short, not even to come in for a hug and kiss and help hang things up.


Good points!
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Thu, Jan 12 2017, 4:51 pm
I had this last year when my DD was almost 2.5 - 3
she would be sad/upset many mornings and say I dont want go, I want to be with you, I want to be home with my toys, ect ect ect
the morah was wonderful and patient so I doubted it was that.
I honestly think with her it was age and separation - in general shes pretty attached to me and a natural home body.
this year, shes a different kid- for the first few days she would say be nervous/crying/sad but made a total turn around and is thrilled in school.

maybe its age?
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