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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Polite response to MIL



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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 10:57 am
My MIL invited my son for a Shabbos away and even though he is 10 years old, he is having toilet issues which make us not want to send him (we are dealing with the issue with dr.), without getting into details which would embarrass my son, how can we say no without saying that my son does not want to go.
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 11:02 am
Why can't you tell her the truth. Is she not able to be discreet and keep it to herself?
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Talya




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 11:03 am
MiracleMama wrote:
Why can't you tell her the truth. Is she not able to be discreet and keep it to herself?

Do you want people sharing private/embarrassing info about you to protect others feelings? Her son is a person and is entitled to his privacy. I don't think it's an issue that should be shared with others.

OP can you tell her it's not good timing during the school year? Maybe that will buy you time till the summer?
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 11:04 am
Say he's not feeling well...Or maybe has a big test to study for...do they have tests at that age? Or friend is making a party then?

I don't agree with the poster saying you should just tell MIL. At 10 years old a child's privacy should be respected.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 11:08 am
MiracleMama wrote:
Why can't you tell her the truth. Is she not able to be discreet and keep it to herself?


Yes, she will not be discreet and I don't want the whole extended family in on this.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 11:09 am
amother wrote:
Say he's not feeling well...Or maybe has a big test to study for...do they have tests at that age? Or friend is making a party then?

I don't agree with the poster saying you should just tell MIL. At 10 years old a child's privacy should be respected.


I would think of a valid excuse for this week but then she will want him to come next week instead (and if not then the week after Smile)
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 11:11 am
Talya wrote:
Do you want people sharing private/embarrassing info about you to protect others feelings? Her son is a person and is entitled to his privacy. I don't think it's an issue that should be shared with others.

OP can you tell her it's not good timing during the school year? Maybe that will buy you time till the summer?


I like the idea of saying that it is not good timing during the school year. How do I answer the next question on why not? From experience I know that the next question will come.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 11:12 am
amother wrote:
I would think of a valid excuse for this week but then she will want him to come next week instead (and if not then the week after Smile)

Oh I misunderstood I thought it was a special week or something. Hm, maybe just say he has a hard time spending shabbos away from you? He gets homesick? He's still young, I think that makes sense.
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 11:41 am
amother wrote:
My MIL invited my son for a Shabbos away and even though he is 10 years old, he is having toilet issues which make us not want to send him (we are dealing with the issue with dr.), without getting into details which would embarrass my son, how can we say no without saying that my son does not want to go.


"We've discussed it with Shloimy, and we just don't feel that he's ready for a Shabbat away yet. We'll discuss it with him again in a few months, and he promises that when he's ready, you're the first place he wants to go."

Assuming that he doesn't want to. (If the issue is bedwetting, he can wear disposable underwear, and put them in his bag with a solid deodorizer to contain odors. If he wants to go notwithstanding the issue.)
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Talya




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 11:43 am
amother wrote:
I like the idea of saying that it is not good timing during the school year. How do I answer the next question on why not? From experience I know that the next question will come.

Is she local? Because that will make it harder to get away with but if not I would say it throws him off schedule too much and he really thrives on his routine.
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rachel6543




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 18 2017, 12:59 pm
From my understanding, you can now get overnight "diapers" for big kids that look like regular underwear. Would something like that work so your son could still go away and keep his privacy? Just a thought in case you hadn't looked into this option yet.

Otherwise, I would probably just tell my MIL, "sorry, now is not a good time for our son to go away for overnight visits. But let's revisit the idea in the summer". And I wouldn't go into anymore detail than that. If she asks why, just keep repeating the same answer. I do agree with keeping your son's privacy esp since you said she would share this info with other family members.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2017, 12:26 pm
respect your son & his private issues ... I'd go with what SixOfWands says: when he is ready
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2017, 1:27 pm
My nephew has the same issue, when he goes to someone house he wears a pull up for the night, no one needs to know, he is in second grade
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2017, 4:33 pm
Let your husband make the phone call.

She'll take it better from her son.
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shirachadasha




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2017, 5:42 pm
"He's going through a phase. He likes to sleep at home."
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