Frum magazines are attacking sheital weairing women?

allthingsblue

Thu, Jan 19 2017, 6:43 pm

livinginflatbus wrote:

The thing I don't like about these magazines advocating different things is that it inspires guilt if you are not doing it. People think oh wow it's so special and amazing that they can do that why can't I ? But lots of times it's just not feasible but you feel bad and kind of substandard

Theoretically you can say the same thing about any article. Articles about good marriages might make some people feel bad. Articles about many children might make some people feel bad. Articles about full time working women might make sahm like me feel bad, and vice versa. The gorgeous and elaborate recipes and tablescapes might make people feel inept- and forget about those elaborate moshloach manos!!
The series about eating healthy might make some mothers feel guilty...
You get my drift? Articles are intended to inform or entertain readers. If you aspire to that, kol hakavod! If it doesn't interest you, turn the page. That's the point of a magazine.

PinkFridge

Thu, Jan 19 2017, 7:08 pm

amother wrote:

I am tending very much to tichels but in the back of my mind wondering - how is this different than the Burka women or shawl women? All seem to me to be women taking their dress into their own hands with more or less Rabbinic or husbandly approval. Is it totally different or only a matter of degree? (And does this need its own thread?)

I don't quite see them as analogous. Burkas scare me, but I won't pass judgment on the shawl women. In either case, they say that extra layers are necessary. In the case of tichels or non-sheitel head covering, there is no extra layer, there is just a different way of achieving the same goal, to cover one's hair.

And there is Rabbinic approval. Many rabbanim have said that tichels are preferable. However, many other chashuv rabbanim haven't said that, so one is safe following one's own mehalech.

amother

Brunette

Thu, Jan 19 2017, 7:16 pm

My husband and I feel that wearing a shaitle that is below my shoulders is not tznious. So my shaitle looks fine--it is good quality, a good cut and color, it is pretty. But it is nothing like the glamorous ones seen everywhere today. From day one I hated wearing my shaitle because I am sensory and it was so uncomfortable. My husband would never pressure me in any way about how I cover my hair, but he thinks tichels are more tznious because the covering is obvious. I lived in a neighborhood where the only acceptable covering other than a shailte was a cheneil snood or pretied, both of which I didn't really like, but I wore most of the time for comfort's sake. Then we moved and I saw tons of people in tichels. I was overjoyed that it is acceptable to wear colorful scarves! I felts so much prettier and put together in them, and I was comfortable! Now, I wear tichels all the time unless I am going to an event or place where I will be literally the only one (shul on shabbos, a bris etc). For me, tichels were 90% for comfort and 10% for tznious. Everyone finds their way and it is so personal.
As for the magazine pressing an agenda with judgmental undertones, I disagree. The magazine gives tons of windows into different people's lives. We real about people in bad marriages, with OCD, with stillborn, with addiction to internet or money or food. I love to understand more about other people and their worldviews, even if I disagree completely.

thunderstorm

Thu, Jan 19 2017, 7:18 pm

I did not read this article but I have the same feelings Watergirl had regarding sheitel frustration. I am seriously considering switching to tichels. This past Purim I dressed up wearing a colorful Tichel. I have never received so many compliments on my beauty as much as I did that day. My DH loves the way I look in it and so many relatives and friends told me I should go covered like that all year round. I'm very artsy, so scarfs to match my clothes and mood would be so enjoyable for me. The only thing stopping me is weddings. I can't picture going to a wedding in a gown with a tichel on my head. I would love to be able to switch from sheitel to tichel depending on the occasion. I just know that it's a bit weird. Anyone ever do that?

watergirl

Thu, Jan 19 2017, 8:07 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

I wear tichels to weddings!! There are some very fancy ans appropriate ways to do it. Go for it if you're comfortable.

cozyblanket

Thu, Jan 19 2017, 9:05 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

I know people who wear tichels during the week and a sheitel on shabbos. Just like someone can go back and forth between a snood and a sheitel... why not substitute tichels for the snoods?

mummiedearest

Thu, Jan 19 2017, 9:23 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

I wore a tichel to my BIL's wedding. I got lots of compliments. it's definitely doable. if you want to do it, give it a try!

tichellady

Thu, Jan 19 2017, 10:08 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

Yes I do that. Why is that weird?

nyc123

Fri, Jan 20 2017, 12:44 am

amother wrote:

I have found that a lot of sefardi women who are baalei teshuva are the ones pushing for no shaitels. They key is to be tznius. Everyone should have a rav to go by and if your rav says that a shaitel is fine there is no need to listen to a different rav. My friend was so anti shaitels. She had all types of hats and scarves as did many of her friends who were all sefardi baalei teshuva. It was nice that they tried so hard to do the right thing and be tzanua the way they were taught. Many years later this friend is wearing a shaitel - nothing custom or glamorous. She realized that very often hairs would stick out from her scarves and wearing a shaitel is more refined and tzanua. As with everything is life there is a middle ground. Very often baalei teshuva will go to an extreme.

Wow. Since when is it an extreme to cover your hair without a sheitl??

I can think of many reasons why Sephardi BTs in particular would wear scarves, and it has nothing to do with extremism.

Generally speaking, Sephardim go by Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, who outwardly states that wearing a sheitl is the same as going with your head uncovered. Now a little background on BTs to make this all come together... many BTs did not grow up in a community of people wearing sheitls. It was probably never considered "cool" or trendy. I can't speak for everyone, but many people (secular Jews, non Jews) have told me that they grew up thinking that it was "strange" when they found out that observant Jewish women wore wigs to cover their own hair. I think that a main reason for women wanting to wear wigs is to "fit in" better and blend in with the secular and non Jewish world (And of course all the observant Jews who wear them too).

Interestingly enough, the source that so many people quote for wigs being preferable, has gotten so twisted from its original context:

"There are more gentiles than Jews in this world, and things are going well for them. Does that mean that we are to imitate their ways. Were we to act in such a manner, the Jewish people would have ceased to exist, G‑d forbid, a long time ago. When a Jewish woman walks in the street without a sheitel there is no (discernible) difference between her and others. However, when she wears a sheitel one can tell that here is a Jewish religious woman."

The Rebbe actually said that a wig is preferable because it's an obvious marker. This definitely does not apply to many of today's wigs. Most men, most secular men and women, and most non Jewish men and women, are shocked to find out that a Jewish woman they met was wearing a wig. There is no discernible difference to the "common" eye.

I think the reason why Sephardi BTs as a subgroup do typically wear scarves more is likely because
1- their rabbi holds that they are forbidden (as do the majority of the poskim)
2-they are not interested because they don't have that tradition and weren't exposed to it in a positive light growing up
3-they're in general not as concerned with "fitting in"- many are going against the grain of most of their childhood friends and family to become observant, so why try to fit in now? They're not becoming religious for social reasons, but spiritual ones.

amother

Cerise

Fri, Jan 20 2017, 1:53 am

amother wrote:

I clicked on the link. I really can't believe the music in the background. This is very disappointing. A bunch of ladies here are deciding that this is a better thing to do but who is the rav behind it? Something is not right. I can't imagine that a rav would even allow for these long , colorful, flowing scarves.

I hate the condescension behind the phrase 'a bunch of ladies'. It comes up time and again on imamother.
These are thinking, intelligent women who have the right to make their own decisions.
And for the record not all of the frum world is decked out in drab black. What do you think Jews in Morocco or Yemen wore throughout the centuries? A black chenille snood?

naturalmom5

Fri, Jan 20 2017, 3:40 am

nyc123 wrote:

Right on
BRAVO.....

amother

cornflower

Fri, Jan 20 2017, 5:55 am

ValleyMom wrote:

My aunt wore a tichel when she was dying of cancer.
Tichels make me very anxious.

WHY is it not modest to wear a long flowing wig?

Are women not supposed to look attractive anymore?

Personally I don't cover my hair at all except for shul but why all the HATERS????

No hate here, but long flowing hair is attention grabbing and immodest by definition. Professional women (except for those practicing the oldest profession) rarely wear their hair long and flowing. Why is that? Because it distracts.

You can't have rules like X inches is okay, but X+1 is not. Tznius, like class, is internal. If you need rules, you don't have it.