Deleted | Imamother

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Jan 23 2017, 12:23 pm

gold21 wrote:

Why 10 names?

Other than your grandparents, who would you name after?

Don't forget that it is an honor and a privilege to name after a loved one- you are lucky to be in this position, not unlucky. BH.

I'm certainly lucky to have met so many of my ancestors. In our family, it's expected that somebody will name after all the grandparents who've passed away, as well as the two great-grandmothers who did since the last girl was born. There's also at least one complicated situation with a parent of mine or dh having stepparents or others who helped raise them, and yes, it ends up around 10.

I'm happy to name after some of these people- but not all 10!

gold21

Mon, Jan 23 2017, 1:33 pm

amother wrote:

Oh my lol, but I mean, who said you're gonna even have ten kids? I would probably just place most these names as second names then, if it felt very overwhelming.

Chayalle

Mon, Jan 23 2017, 1:46 pm

BTW OP since it's validation you are asking for, I really do feel for your position.

My mother A"H had two uncommon names - not like yenta shprintza but you'd be hard pressed to find those names on one person in a whole community - and now two of my SIL's have named their daughters those names (one this past Shabbos!) I feel for my SIL's because I don't think it's easy for them to give the name - and it's not even their first child (though for SIL that just had a baby, it's her first girl!).

My mother herself said she was teased when she was younger, and didn't like her names, and she sometimes said we shouldn't name after her, or we should give a nickname. The first SIL to name after my mother made her peace by doing just that - she chose a very cute popular nickname that is somewhat similar sounding to my mother's name and that is what dear niece is being called. I haven't heard about the latest niece yet, we are all wondering if she will also get some sort of nickname.

Is there any such option for you? Even my own DD, named a very common name (one of the imahos), after my MIL A"H, has a nickname, which DH instigated. I think that (at least subconsciously) it was painful to DH to call DD his mother's name, maybe it was too soon...so nickname it was and has been....

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Jan 23 2017, 1:50 pm

gold21 wrote:

Oh my lol, but I mean, who said you're gonna even have ten kids? I would probably just place most these names as second names then, if it felt very overwhelming.

With my pregnancy issues, we're unlikely to go past 5- maybe 6 if future pregnancies and babies are easy. But of course every side wants their side named for! Second names are a great option, and one route we already went was combining two names from the same side. They didn't feel like we short-changed the grandparent by giving their name second, since they were delighted we thought at all to name for the grandparent's parent. The blessing of growing up in a family whose average lifespan is probably about 90! And I personally feel like I want to name for those who died earlier, since I remember them best of my siblings, even if they weren't my biological grandparents.

agreer

Mon, Jan 23 2017, 2:05 pm

No validation from me, OP. Sorry.

Since you don't hate the names, and your grandparents were kind people, I think you should make your father proud. You only have one father, and it is TREMENDOUS kibbud av - you cannot imagine.

Most likely, you WILL grow to like/love the name, and if you don't, at least your father will be so, so happy. That should be enough.

I agree with Chayalle - leave your SIL out of the equation. What would have happened if she had 2 girls, then a boy, the a girl? She would have never been able to name the girl after your grandmother, and the boy would've been "her turn"...essentially, it shouldn't make a difference in what YOU do for YOUR father and YOUR grandparents.

I do think that the best thing to help you come to terms with this would be to choose a nickname you love. It doesn't even have to be related to the name! You can call your kid "Lizzie" while your father calls her "Golda" and everyone will be happy.

Raisin

Mon, Jan 23 2017, 2:51 pm

I'm not sure what your brother has to do with it. Why should his grandparent have precedent over his wife's grandparent? And obviously he can't give his kids his wife's name.

Either way, if he had given a son your grandfather's name, would you not use it?

My relative had to name a child a truly unusual and not very pretty yiddish name. They added the name Nechama.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 23 2017, 2:54 pm

When DD was 2, she couldn't decide what she wanted to be for Purim, either a ladybug, or a princess. She finally decided that she wanted to be a ladybug-princess, so I made her a ladybug costume with crown that sat between her antennae. LOL

From that day on, she INSISTED that everyone address her as "Ladybug Princess". She had the whole community calling her that, and all of her friends. This went on until about 5th grade! She's 13 now, and I still call her Ladybug.

In the long run, the names don't matter so much to the kid. They will find their own identity. Having a Hebrew name that connects back to the past is like an anchor that keeps them tied to their roots.

agreer

Mon, Jan 23 2017, 3:01 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Another time I wish we had a love button. This is SUCH a great story!

dr. pepper

Mon, Jan 23 2017, 4:15 pm

rowo wrote:

All my children are named after our grandparents or great-grandparents.
It was totally our choice and something that is very important and meaninglful to me.
They are not names that I would have chosen otherwise.
My oldest is nearly 10 and his name is still not on my favourites list. But the meaning and connection behind that name are so special.
His pride in being named after his great grandfather and the connection it gives him to his history are priceless.
I have a friend who likes to create new names for her children - let them create their own path and indentity. That's her choice and she has beautiful children.
But to me, such a large part of who we are is our background and where we come from. A name is (again, what I feel) a beautiful way of tapping into that and connecting our children and families with their heritage. We build on the stregnth of our past to grow into the future.

Wow, OP, I totally relate to your frustration. And I love this post!

I was like this with my first. I've since moved to the camp of the above poster. I am grateful to be a part of a large frum family and have relatives who were exemplary role models in every facet of Torah and Middos to name after.

Having said that, there is one name that I feel I cannot use and I am sad about it but unapologetic. I've come to appreciate the difference between "not my type and will never like and will feel resentful."

I've used four others that are not favorites by any stretch of the imagination but doable and I've come to love them.

I try to ask myself each time I face this challenge (albeit a bracha at the same time)-which decision will I regret in the long wrong: Using the name I don't like as much or kicking myself forever if I don't use the name and then not have a baby that is this gender ever again.

Hatlzocha and b'sha'ah tova!

amother

Brown

Mon, Jan 23 2017, 4:45 pm

When naming my kids we could have either given them names that we love or name them after people we love...
I LOVE the people that my children are named after. All grandparents. I am SO SO PROUD to have my beloved grandparents names alive in my house.
How can anyone resent naming after beloved grandparents? It is a humbling moment when you pass on a name and realize that life isn't forever and life isn't just about what makes me happy - its a bit deeper than that.

Imagine this child that you are going to give birth to - imagine his or her child having this conversation about you (after 120) - resenting using your name.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Jan 24 2017, 4:39 pm

One point I want to add- for me, if one of my grandkids should announce they've named their daughter Shira after my father (may he live to 120!) because their fondest memory of Zeide is the wonderful singing he encouraged at his Shabbos table, I would be thrilled, though the name bears no connection to his. The important thing to me is remembering the individual.