Is it right to take it?

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Jan 24 2017, 10:37 am

When I was about 10-12 years old, we helped out a family who was visiting our city's hospital for treatment. My mother was heavily involved, but I was also, often going with others who were also helping them out. As a gift, they gave my mother a silver lichter candle holder (that lights the other candles). My mother only lights 3 candles, so she's fine with a match and never really pays much attention to this gift, in fact I'm the only one who EVER used it . Now that I'm an adult with my own growing family, I would appreciate that type of thing. She always lets me have things that I ask of her, but I don't want to take advantage of the situation, especially since her memory isn't what it used to be and she probably doesn't even remember them. Since she never took "ownership" of the gift, do I need to ask her for it? Is it right of me to take it without consulting my siblings (who were not really involved either)?

33055

Tue, Jan 24 2017, 10:43 am

amother wrote:

Will it bother you to take things that your mom doesn't remember? Will your siblings be upset if they perceive you are taking things? Will you be upset if they similarly take things because your mom doesn't remember?

If the answer to any of them is yes, then you need to ask.

amother

Violet

Tue, Jan 24 2017, 10:46 am

for many reasons... Yes yes yes talk to your siblings before you take the candle sticks. Make that part of a bigger conversation about how to take care of your mom going forward....and yes, they do belong to your mother, even if she never used them, or cared about them.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Jan 24 2017, 11:38 am

amother wrote:

I agree she should ask, but I think you may have misunderstood...she is not talking about candlesticks but a silver lighter.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Jan 24 2017, 12:02 pm

greenfire wrote:

ask your mother before you take anything in her possession

https://www.amazon.com/Candle-.....5364U

it's like a candle lighter that holds a smaller candle to use like a shamash of sorts

Thats nearly 3k! Wow!

amother

Violet

Tue, Jan 24 2017, 12:26 pm

amother wrote:

I agree she should ask, but I think you may have misunderstood...she is not talking about candlesticks but a silver lighter.

You are right, I did misunderstand (and my own mom uses one!). Actually I got one as an engagement present, and never used it..

If OP even thinks "should I consult my siblings?" she should consult her siblings. Better to get permission then to defend the action later (even if the defense it "I acted in accordance with Halacha). I really do think its time for a broader conversation about mom's health and what decisions she is capable of making for herself...and what the next steps are.