How do you handle when your kids are mean to you?

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 4:13 pm

DBT therapy will teach you how to regulate your emotions. Great tools for anyone but especially for those who are prone to more intense emotions.

amother

Emerald

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 4:35 pm

I also am very sensitive to my children bring upset or baby crying. And like you I grew up in a hurtful environment.

These are things that helped me. I am in therapy and this is one area that we have worked on a lot.

1. Like one poster said I tell myself when the baby is crying that she is just talking and telling me she is upset or that she wants something. She is not necessarily telling me that I am a bad mom or that she is being abused or neglected.

2. When my son touches me or hurts me I tell myself that this is a trigger for me and it is normal and ok for me to feel very hurt and at the same time he is not necessarily abusing me.

3. I remind myself that I love my kids and I want the best for them and this helps me stay in control of my actions.

4. I tell myself that they are kids. This is normal.

5. I did a lot of exploring on why I get triggered. This you may need to do with a therapist.

I hope this helps. I am with you in this pain.

Learning

Tue, Jan 31 2017, 4:50 pm

Everybody is giving such great advice the only thing I can add is that you have few years to learn how to deal with it. When they become teens it is 100 times harder. It only stops when they grow to be 18 or so.

amother

Orchid

Wed, Feb 01 2017, 5:35 am

When my kids are behaving like that with me (hitting, throwing things, calling me mean, etc etc) it is usually because he/she is feeling bad about something, and that Mommy isn't on their side, feels disconnected and alone. He/she actually needs to feel closer to me.
Depending on the situation, I will give the child time alone to calm down before having a conversation to dig the real issue out of the child. Sometime it is simply giving more attention to all the children - and if I can't, explaining why I'm busy and when they can next expect me to sit with them for a special activity, reminding them I'd rather be with them, they are the most important, etc. This includes when I need time alone to read or rest. They understand and cooperate more when they feel you are with them, even when you are not physically there playing with them or entertaining them.