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When people think you are better than you are
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 6:29 am
Interestingly enough, I always post under my screen name. Never anything major, but both positive and negative. It seems that some posters made up some imaginary life that I have based on the fact that I mentioned I have a cleaning lady and enjoy shopping. I've also mentioned my difficult son and another son's rare medical condition. That is always left out of the equation. It seems some are determined to see my life as perfect. From their mouth to G-d's ears!
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 6:52 am
It's all about context.

"Hi, how are you?" "Fine, thanks" is small talk, the social lubricant that (at least in the US) makes casual interactions go smoothly. It isn't meant to be a serious conversation in many cases. If you're not really fine, you could say "I've felt better, but thanks for asking" or something equally light to avoid giving an untruth. Sharing your deepest sorrows with anyone you happen to see at the grocery store is over-sharing, and usually not the point if the conversation.

If you see a close friend who asks how you're doing, and you feel like sharing, then it makes sense to reply "not so great; do you have a minute to talk?"

Choosing not to share every tidbit at all times is not necessarily putting up a false front; it's protecting your privacy while interacting appropriately in different social settings.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 6:59 am
ora_43 wrote:
Not telling everyone everything you struggle with isn't dishonest. I think you're making wrong assumptions about what people with problems "should" look like.

I agree. People with problems usually look normal, just like you and me, and you and me usually have problems too.
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 8:29 am
Not everyone can handle the pain others share. I am very sensitive and I get depressed easily and take every comment very seriously. It hurts just to read many things I read here. Imagine I would hear all this first hand.

I have so many problems. I doubt you want to hear of them. I don't want to overburden you. Everyone deserves dignity and respect. It's ok to share sometimes depends with who though.
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 8:37 am
tweek wrote:
There was a specific time that we were going through something quite difficult. Of course my husband and I were constantly talking about it, and my siblings were also a great support system.

Subconsciously, I made the decision not to talk about it at work. It wasn't always easy, especially since there are two friends at work who I am really close to and whose perspective on life I really admire.

There were so many times when we would talk about unimportant, day to day stuff that I wanted to just lay it all out and tell them what was really going on, but on the other hand, there was something nice about having work be a "free zone" for me where I could pretend that everything was great.

The main thing I learned from that experience is that you never really know what people are going through and to keep that in mind when interacting with anyone.

This
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amother
Red


 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 8:43 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Interestingly enough, I always post under my screen name. Never anything major, but both positive and negative. It seems that some posters made up some imaginary life that I have based on the fact that I mentioned I have a cleaning lady and enjoy shopping. I've also mentioned my difficult son and another son's rare medical condition. That is always left out of the equation. It seems some are determined to see my life as perfect. From their mouth to G-d's ears!
its becuz u post positive & negative that ppl weigh it in their mind & conclude u have it good. otoh if u'd only share pos [under screen name] u'd leave that aura of mystery with ppl concluding who knows what else she has going on.
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 8:58 am
People always think it. BH Hashem has given me a lot of good. Along with it He also gave me many challenges in other areas. I have learned that no one really knows what is going on by other people.

My mom always wanted to be a sahm and was thrilled that I am. But I think she romanticizes it. She imagines I spend the day with the smiling children in the pictures I send her, feeding them and cuddling happily.

One day my mom came to visit me. She spent the day and said, you know ectomorph, it's very hard to do what you do! I felt very validated.

(I have one child dairy free, another with several BH minor medical issues that need watching who is extremely demanding personality, and my husband works crazy hours. And that's what I feel comfortable sharing.)
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 9:00 am
amother wrote:
its becuz u post positive & negative that ppl weigh it in their mind & conclude u have it good. otoh if u'd only share pos [under screen name] u'd leave that aura of mystery with ppl concluding who knows what else she has going on.


Don't worry. I don't post the really bad things, or the really good things for that matter. Not everything needs to be shared.
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amother
Red


 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 9:03 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Don't worry. I don't post the really bad things, or the really good things for that matter. Not everything needs to be shared.
I dont care either way. I dont know you irl. just put my opinion out there as you seemed to be wondering. maybe put this disclaimer as your sig line Wink
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 9:17 am
I don't get it. mommy2b2c- you seem like a lovely person but honestly I would never in a million years want your life-and I'm sure you would never want mine Wink why do pple think she has this idealized life- she's posted enough negative that for her sake I was hoping that that was the really bad stuff!
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 10:43 am
Hmmm. Thanks for the replies. They are pretty unanimously in favor of the status quo.

On the flip side -,I think that some people are very very private people to the extent that not a lot of people get to know them. And it could be that these people are by being so private, they are not letting their essential self be experienced by the world. As such the world is deprived of their essence, and suffers as a result.

By "people" - I guess I mean me (so as not to offend anyone). OTOH, when person (not me) who is normally very private shares something with you about what is really going on, you get to know them and understand them better and I think this is a good thing.

It's a balancing act I guess.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 11:07 am
amother wrote:
I don't get it. mommy2b2c- you seem like a lovely person but honestly I would never in a million years want your life-and I'm sure you would never want mine Wink why do pple think she has this idealized life- she's posted enough negative that for her sake I was hoping that that was the really bad stuff!


Don't get me wrong! Bh I do have a wonderful life! There is so much good. But I have my share of pain as well.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 11:16 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Don't worry. I don't post the really bad things, or the really good things for that matter. Not everything needs to be shared.


you mean that really long list of all the fancy gifts you got after giving birth is not even the REALLY GOOD stuff? Wink Wink
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 11:34 am
amother wrote:
you mean that really long list of all the fancy gifts you got after giving birth is not even the REALLY GOOD stuff? Wink Wink


Lol. I didn't tell you about the yacht I got for my last birthday, or the fifth mansion I got for my anniversary.

On a serious note. I think I'm a bit disconnected from reality. When I answer all these random questions I totally do not realize that there are people actually paying attention to my answers. I'm the nerdy type who actually enjoys answering surveys. I didn't think anyone would actually be interested in what I write. Lesson learned. I will be more careful in the future. I'll be sure to only post bad things that happen to me.


Last edited by mommy3b2c on Mon, Jan 30 2017, 11:38 am; edited 1 time in total
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 11:37 am
amother wrote:
Hmmm. Thanks for the replies. They are pretty unanimously in favor of the status quo.

On the flip side -,I think that some people are very very private people to the extent that not a lot of people get to know them. And it could be that these people are by being so private, they are not letting their essential self be experienced by the world. As such the world is deprived of their essence, and suffers as a result.

By "people" - I guess I mean me (so as not to offend anyone). OTOH, when person (not me) who is normally very private shares something with you about what is really going on, you get to know them and understand them better and I think this is a good thing.

It's a balancing act I guess.


I'm a very closed and private person. So what... I should start worrying that the world is being deprived of me? lol. What do I care about the world. Anyone I care for knows what's going on in my life, to various degrees. And trust me my essential self is not getting the short end of the stick, whatever you imagine that to be.

If I go out looking gorgeous and get tons of compliments, I smile and say thank you. No one needs to know the details - what I paid, where I got it, how long it took me to do my makeup, whether the jewelry is real or not. And everyone can think whatever they want.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 11:38 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Lol. I didn't tell you about the yacht I got for my last birthday, or the fifth mansion I got for my anniversary.


touché
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amother
Coral


 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 11:41 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Lol. I didn't tell you about the yacht I got for my last birthday, or the fifth mansion I got for my anniversary.

On a serious note. I think I'm a bit disconnected from reality. When I answer all these random questions I totally do not realize that there are people actually paying attention to my answers. I'm the nerdy type who actually enjoys answering surveys. I didn't think anyone would actually be interested in what I write. Lesson learned. I will be more careful in the future. I'll be sure to only post bad things that happen to me.


your post had me laughing. thanks.
re the bolded, please don't. there's enough sadness on this site. I'm always happy to hear that others (I.e. strangers, I know, I'm a dear) have it great.
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mamushkadov




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 1:08 pm
I think this is an interesting topic. I think we should all do what we are comfortable doing, in all areas. If you are able to say "Yes, my child is well-behaved bh right now, but this isn't all the time!" and you are comfortable doing it, then do so! I would never want anyone to feel worse about themselves because of me, just as I don't like feeling worse about myself because of other people. I don't like the idea of "owing it" since I think we are all trying to get through the day.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 1:24 pm
It bothers me when people taper your compliment with a complaint.
"Your son is so well behaved!" "For now ..."
When people compliment you, accept it graciously. They are noticing the good, not searching for the bad.

Everyone knows that each person has their pekele.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 30 2017, 1:36 pm
It's very tricky. If you seem to "have it all" people envy you. If you share your issues people look at you as a complainer or negative person. I learnt that no one has it easy. Everyone has their share. Some complain about extremely minor "issues" and some smile while they are going through a lot in life. My motto is "be nice and smile to everyone, you don't know what they are going through". People should stop being jealous at others and people should stop being happy when others suffer.
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