I wish I didn't have to name after family

Simple1

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 7:43 am

Your in a tough situation and btdt. But I don't think people not in those Sephardic communities which have this Minhag can possibly understand. It's like a major faux pas and insult not to name after parents. From the very modern to the very frum. I don't agree with this, just saying it the way it is. You can't necessarily say that she had her turn because she also had to name certain names. I named my babies names I didn't really love, but I feel like it's the names meant for these kids from Hashem and had no trouble bonding with them. I do understand how difficult this is for you op and hope you find a good solution. I think it would be good to consult with a rabbi or mentor.

debsey

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 12:22 pm

I'm going to chime in on this with what will clearly be a minority opinion.

I named my oldest child (and my fourth child) a name that I really don't like, because it was meaningful to my mother. It was a struggle, but as the child grew into the name, I forgot why I didn't like it. That child became that name, and it sounds totally different to me now.

Older people, especially people in my mother's generation, the children of the Holocaust survivors, feel very strongly about names and preserving continuity in the family. When I was younger, I didn't understand this as much as I do now.

My mother is getting older. I'm so happy that I did something that gave her joy. There are less and less things I can do for her, as she ages. This is something I can always remember I did for her. Even more so, when a name is given and it's not the name she feels is missing, it's an ongoing pain for her. One of my sisters in law didn't like my grandfather's name, so she named a similar sounding name. It causes my mother pain to this day, especially since that sister in law had a grandmother with a really odd yiddish name that she is now insisting on all her kids using. Every time it happens, my mother talks bitterly about how my sister in law didn't give her father's name.

It's so meaningful to them, and I saw how my feelings about the name changed as my child grew into it. I'm glad I didn't do what I wanted to do.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 3:01 pm

Every time it happens, my mother talks bitterly about how my sister in law didn't give her father's name. //

I'm sure u love your mother, but pleasing her in this area sounds ridiculous if every time she hears the name she bitterly complains. She should be thankful she has grandchildren. Her behavior is disgraceful.

debsey

Thu, Feb 02 2017, 4:16 pm

amother wrote:

How dare you call a Holocaust survivor's behavior disgraceful? She came to this country as a newborn baby, the only child remnant of her family. She grew up hearing about the massacre of not only her entire family, but her entire town! Neither one of her parents had even one surviving sibling, and all her siblings, whom she never met, did not survive either. From hundreds of people - a beautiful family- only one small baby was left. My mother.

Of course she wants to perpetuate their memory any way she can! Only a woman of this generation could ever think of passing judgement on the tzadikim of that generation. Do you know what it's like to grow up with the responsibility of being the only kiyum of two entire families? Entire villages? I consider it an honor to respect her wishes.

Happens to be, the two children I named my least preferred names have a certain chain and a certain social savvy that is rare in kids their age. Maybe that was a gift from Hashem. I will tell you that the name no longer bothers me, to the point where now I wonder what it was that I objected to.