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amother
Babypink


 

Post Tue, Jan 31 2017, 5:57 pm
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Gerbera




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 31 2017, 6:42 pm
I have heard many rabbis speak about how parents should not meddle/interfere with the naming of their grandkids. It is a minhag and not Halacha. I'm of Ashkenazi background....my husband is Sephardic-Moroccan. I will never be naming a child after my mother in law as I really dislike the name....her own daughter has had four girls and hasn't named after her. My son has my father in laws name but we don't call him that name. It's a middle name. He has three grandsons named after him and they all have that name as a middle name-is that an option? Speak to a Rav. If it means so much to you to name after your grandmother and your husband is on board....this is a decision I think you should make as a couple alone and as the parents of the baby. I really don't think it's for anyone else to interfere. I honestly don't understand how parents can pressure their kids into a name. I understand it's an honour and respect thing....but I feel the decision is ultimately up to the parents of the baby.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Tue, Jan 31 2017, 7:22 pm
No suggestions on how to handle the relationship...but absolutely use the name you want. You MIL and FIL will be hurt, but they will get over it. Perhaps after the baby is born, but before she is publicly named, DH should sit down and tell his parents the final name decision so they have a 'head up', so they won't be sourfaced in front of any friends or relatives at the baby naming. B'shaah Tova.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Tue, Jan 31 2017, 7:50 pm
I'm a huge advocate of naming a child whatever you want. I'm Sephardic, Persian, and we don't name after or for, so I get to choose all my kids and I can't imagine being told what to name MY child.

However, it's such a huge custom (I wouldn't call it a minhag, but a custom) in the SY community and such a slap in the face of you don't name For your in laws. This is the first time in any of these threads that I kind of hear where the in laws are coming from. I think you should really consider the impact it will have on them, how embarrassing the situation may be in their community for them, and the fact that it's not like ashkenazim naming after, that you can say, 'o their other children will name for them'--its expected thar every son named their first children for his parents.
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MrsEsther




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 31 2017, 8:14 pm
Firstly I feel bad for you because you didn't grow up with this tradition so it's hard accepting this tradition when you don't feel the connection.
When I named after my n law's our family bond only grew stronger.

With all this aside, Shalom& peace within the family is very important!!
I'm Sephardic and I feel very strongly that you should name after your mother n law - Your mother n law will respect you for it, I could only imagine how hurt she will be if you don't name after her.
It's a nisayon for you!!
May you be mevater and Hashem will bless you with all your hearts desires!!
Bshaah tovah!!!
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 31 2017, 8:28 pm
Can you do two names as a compromise? I really feel for you.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Tue, Jan 31 2017, 9:14 pm
Wow. That's such a hard decision.
I would probably ask a rov what to do.
You remind me of what Rabbi Paysach Krohn says- if you are old enough to have a child you are old enough to name a child.
Hatzlacha!
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 12:57 am
I am like you, ashkenazi and married someone sefardi. We asked my husband's rav about names. He said that for naming after the father the minhag is so strong that it's a slap in the face if you don't. For the mother, it's really special and respectful to name after but we don't have to. My mother-in-law has a very uncommon name so we didnt' use it. If I could do things again I would have chosen a name with the same first initial so at least she would feel that we had her in mind for the first born girl.

If I was in your situation and I liked MIL's name enough I would give two names, my grandmother and MIL's name, assuming they go reasonably well together.

But really, I would suggest asking a rav you respect who understands the significance of naming after parents.
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 1:09 am
Would it be at all possible to use both names?
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UnFarvosNischt




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 1:53 am
OP I feel for you! This is a difficult dilemma but I believe you shouldn't name the baby if you don't like it!
Maybe you can add the name of your MIL as a second name?
Or your husband (or even you) can speak to your PIL and explain them that you have a very strong feeling for that name, that it followed you through the whole pregnancy etc.! It will be hard but they will have to understand you.
The name of the baby is given to the parents as a prophecy, not as a MIL saying "call me" lol!
Beshaa tova!
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amother
Coral


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 5:10 am
I truly really feel for you. Please ask advice in real life. If you didn't grow up in such a community, you can't understand what a huge deal this is.

I had to name a name I didn't care for. But it wasn't a decision, I always knew I would have to. Even when the other grandkids were getting that name - actually especially more so because everyone did it. I'm fine with the name now, because I feel it was destined from Above and I wouldn't want to fight it.
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