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11 y.o. DD refuses to wear sheer tights for pesach/summer
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 2:47 pm
My DD will be 11 right before the summer. Almost all the girls that age in our circles wear sheer pantyhose. Never mind that they are disposable and each 5 dollar pair rips after each use, she refuses to wear them. She claims they are sweaty, disgusting, not comfortable etc.. she hates tights now, and would rather freeze than wear them. No girl wear short socks anymore in our circles, and knee socks are supposedly nerdy, I'm told . Help!
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 2:49 pm
Let her wear what she's comfortable in. She's not a toddler. You don't have to dress her.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 2:53 pm
Leave her alone.

She hates them. I also hate them for all the same reasons. If I thought that to be "religious" I had to wear tights, then I would not be keeping shabbas any more.

Don't let that happen to your daughter.

Don't parent out of your embarrassment - you will always do wrong thing.

And thank you so much for posting because that last sentence was a good reminder for ME (about not parenting from embarrassment (about other issues concerning my own children)).
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 2:58 pm
Please leave the fights for things worth fighting for.... she's old enough do decide for herself what to wear.
Unless it's a tzenios issue let her be.
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bsy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:00 pm
I hate those tights too. I didn't wear tights to school until 10th grade. I wore cotton thigh highs or knee socks. Let her do what she feels comfortable in. Maybe knee highs would work for her in the summer.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:01 pm
amother wrote:
My DD will be 11 right before the summer. Almost all the girls that age in our circles wear sheer pantyhose. Never mind that they are disposable and each 5 dollar pair rips after each use, she refuses to wear them. She claims they are sweaty, disgusting, not comfortable etc.. she hates tights now, and would rather freeze than wear them. No girl wear short socks anymore in our circles, and knee socks are supposedly nerdy, I'm told . Help!


sounds to me like savings of $35 a week! lucky you Smile
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:02 pm
Force her to wear pantyhose on a hot sweaty day at 11...

At 18, she will have nose piercings and possibly a non-Jewish bf..


Seen it many timers unfortunately.... Crying Crying
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:05 pm
amother wrote:
My DD will be 11 right before the summer. Almost all the girls that age in our circles wear sheer pantyhose. Never mind that they are disposable and each 5 dollar pair rips after each use, she refuses to wear them. She claims they are sweaty, disgusting, not comfortable etc.. she hates tights now, and would rather freeze than wear them. No girl wear short socks anymore in our circles, and knee socks are supposedly nerdy, I'm told . Help!

I don't blame her. They're very nerdy at that age, even with everyone wearing them. I don't see how the right knee socks would be nerdy.
I think I started wearing pantyhose at 13, at my own request when I was ready.
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:19 pm
ra_mom wrote:
I don't blame her. They're very nerdy at that age, even with everyone wearing them. I don't see how the right knee socks would be nerdy.
I think I started wearing pantyhose at 13, at my own request when I was ready.


Exactly this.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:44 pm
Op here. I left out one crucial point. Only on shabbos would she wear them. For weekday girls still wear short socks or knee socks. Im wondering if it's a tznius issue for a Flatbush Bais yakov girl
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:47 pm
The answers here have been unanimous. Please stop wondering and leave her alone.

Please please.

We need people like your daughter to be keeping Shabbas.

Please please please love her as she is and leave her alone.

We NEED her on the Shabbas team.

Please!!!!!!!
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:52 pm
Op again...I have a funny question for you all. You guys wouldn't honestly care if your kid was dressed totally different than all her age, and people thought you or she was weird?
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nylon




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:55 pm
I was the oddly dressed kid and it bothered my mother a lot more than me.

but tbh tights are often a sensory issue for kids. Fighting about it may just make it worse.
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:55 pm
amother wrote:
Op here. I left out one crucial point. Only on shabbos would she wear them. For weekday girls still wear short socks or knee socks. Im wondering if it's a tznius issue for a Flatbush Bais yakov girl


If it's not a tznius issue to wear socks during the week, how can it be a tznius issue to wear socks on Shabbos?

I don't blame her either. Not only are tights sweaty and uncomfortable, but in my opinion, young girls look really stupid in them. In my neighborhood the 8 year olds are already wearing sheer tights in the summer, not my kids, they get them when they ask for them. This past summer my 12 year old decided it was time to wear tights like all her friends, she hated them and hardly wore them. Good for her, she will iy"h have many years of wearing uncomfortable things in the name of beauty.
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amother
Green


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:56 pm
amother wrote:
Op again...I have a funny question for you all. You guys wouldn't honestly care if your kid was dressed totally different than all her age, and people thought you or she was weird?


If all these kids are dressing nerdy and my child doesn't want to I would be so glad.
Wouldn't force her or ask her to wear it. If she asked that would be something else.
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 3:58 pm
amother wrote:
Op again...I have a funny question for you all. You guys wouldn't honestly care if your kid was dressed totally different than all her age, and people thought you or she was weird?


No, I wouldn't care. No, she won't be the only one. She will be joined by my dd because neither of us has good tastes or would know a style if it hit us in the face. And, I don't think I'm the only one.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 4:04 pm
Yes I would. In fact I do, because I have children with autism they are weird. But it is irrelevant, because have to do what is right for them. And not what is right for my personal comfort. I do not always get it right. It is hard but it is very important.

Last week I posted about my Russian neighbor who spanked his 6yo kid at our house. One thing I didn't say was that right at the end of the spanking he said to the kid "when you behave like that you embarrass me". That's when I realized that the father's motives were not pure. I wasn't sure what to say to him.

The thing with you and the tights seems to be coming from a similar place. Please don't make this mistake. There are rabbonim that say that bare legs are ok. There are no rabbonim that say not keeping Shabbas is ok.

Please be careful.

This is a good lesson for me. Thank you and good luck.
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 4:11 pm
amother wrote:
Op again...I have a funny question for you all. You guys wouldn't honestly care if your kid was dressed totally different than all her age, and people thought you or she was weird?


My son starting age four refused to wear colored shirts on shabbos. He refused to wear a sweater on top of his shirt. He is six now and I bought him a vest suit. No one his age is wearing it and I missed how cute he used to look when he wasn't so hung up on dressing like Abba. But I love him.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 4:19 pm
whatever you do dont fight about it. no I dont think she will be otd if you fight about this. unless there are more issues. and this is one of them. its not about the tights. if you have deeper issues then that is the problem. all im saying is the tights wont make it or break it. just leave her alone. shes 11. you will have many more issues with her shes gonna be a teen. this will be the smallest of them. thats how teens are. let her decide on this as long as its not a tznius issue. I also had embarrassing moments with my teens. you learn what is the most important thing. and let go of the unimportant.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Wed, Feb 01 2017, 4:32 pm
I second that you make sure nothing is coming from 'embaresment'
Children are not 'nachas machines'.

What you could do if you want is buy her both knee socks and the 'clear tights' and shell decide weekly what she will wear.

I did that for my daughter who was also 11 at the time who wasnt sure what she wanted.
Like thus it was her iwn choice. And truly I HATE them my self. Ill wear it only if I must go out but not at home or even out on my block...

Remember this is a VERY delicate age. Tread with caution.
Your days of 'dressing her' are over. Shes her own person now
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