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Forum -> Parenting our children
11 y.o. DD refuses to wear sheer tights for pesach/summer
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 4:05 am
shevi82 wrote:
If a child is loved and gets his needs he will not be Mechalel Shabbos because of his Family Tznius standards.
.


But if he is a girl.....


Sorry that was a bit of joke....

Please see my post above about being sensory.

The debate between this mother and daughter seems to be fashion vs sensory.

Sensory HAS to win in this situation.
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Culturedpearls




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 4:08 am
amother wrote:
I am glad culturedpearls that none of your girls have sensory issues.

Had I been forced to wear tights (from age 3????) you would have had a lot of unnecessary issues from me.


Not at all . You would have chosen your clothing & fabrics (we do use a dressmaker a lot) and you would have chosen something in leg gear that was acceptable. But you would know it's not for me. It's for you. Your mitzva as a bas Yisroel. And a parent doesn't need to be apologetic about mitzvois.
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Culturedpearls




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 4:11 am
amother wrote:
I am glad culturedpearls that none of your girls have sensory issues.

Had I been forced to wear tights (from age 3????) you would have had a lot of unnecessary issues from me.


And please see my post . I do not force.
My girls were excited to wear tights at 3 , just like my boys were excited over a yarmulke & tzitzis.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 4:12 am
Ok. I'm genuinely asking now. And what if I hated hated hated anything touching my legs? And it felt like stinging ants on me? What then? Or do you think that Hashem wouldn't let that happen if you were truly acting leshaim shamayim?

Actually I think this last point is probably the most important. I'm glad we had this discussion to work that out. If a person acts truly leshaim shamayim Hashem will make it possible.
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treestump




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 4:23 am
amother wrote:
Ok. I'm genuinely asking now. And what if I hated hated hated anything touching my legs? And it felt like stinging ants on me? What then? Or do you think that Hashem wouldn't let that happen if you were truly acting leshaim shamayim?

Actually I think this last point is probably the most important. I'm glad we had this discussion to work that out. If a person acts truly leshaim shamayim Hashem will make it possible.


Scratching Head

Of course it's possible, but it comes with enormous agony and discomfort. And there is no halacha about wearing tights, whatsoever.

You can be doing it with the purest of intentions, but it will still be painful. Hashem works b'derech hateva. And for children and teenagers, to pressure them to do something which a - is not even halacha, and b- causes them a lot of discomfort and pain, in the name of tznius, it can lead them to have a lot of resentment and associate tznius with discomfort.

(In the name of fashion is even more inane, but I'm responding to your premise of tznius.)

One of my friends got eczema rashes on her feet whenever she wore tights in warm weather. And she had to wear tights to school. A few months a year, she was in pain, with horrible rashes all over her legs. She tried every type of tights, she tried wearing knee socks with longer skirts and got in trouble... Let's just say that her perception of tznius is not one you would want your daughter to have...
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Culturedpearls




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 4:26 am
amother wrote:
Ok. I'm genuinely asking now. And what if I hated hated hated anything touching my legs? And it felt like stinging ants on me? What then? Or do you think that Hashem wouldn't let that happen if you were truly acting leshaim shamayim?

Actually I think this last point is probably the most important. I'm glad we had this discussion to work that out. If a person acts truly leshaim shamayim Hashem will make it possible.


I have no experience in the sensory field. It sounds like a medical issue.
In that case I would seek medical advice & obviously in the interim not put anything on the child which would irritate.
Your question is not about tznius at all.
If my child had severe ezcma I would do the same.
Uncomfortable is not a the same thing.
Or are you implying that enforcing mitzvois is not done for the child's benefit? That any parent who is mechanech a child is only doing it for their own selfish reasons?
Hashem wouldn't let what happen ? Sensory issues? Ezcma?
Honey, I have news for you but bad things happen to good people.
But this thread isn't about that.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 4:33 am
You seem upset culturedpearls so I want to apologize. Other than that I'm not sure I understand the post but I don't want to further hijack the thread.

An treestump I'm scratching my head about I wrote there as well. I agree 100% with what you wrote.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 7:43 am
Culturedpearls wrote:
Not at all . You would have chosen your clothing & fabrics (we do use a dressmaker a lot) and you would have chosen something in leg gear that was acceptable. But you would know it's not for me. It's for you. Your mitzva as a bas Yisroel. And a parent doesn't need to be apologetic about mitzvois.


And,if you are,wearing tights from,age,3 you would be used to it and not find it uncomfortable. Unless you have a real sensory issue.
But I think that many people who find tights (cotton) uncomfortable its because its a new sensation forced on them.

Panty hose, I think most people hate.
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 8:36 am
Culturedpearls wrote:
I have no experience in the sensory field. It sounds like a medical issue.
In that case I would seek medical advice & obviously in the interim not put anything on the child which would irritate.
Your question is not about tznius at all.
If my child had severe ezcma I would do the same.
Uncomfortable is not a the same thing.
Or are you implying that enforcing mitzvois is not done for the child's benefit? That any parent who is mechanech a child is only doing it for their own selfish reasons?
Hashem wouldn't let what happen ? Sensory issues? Ezcma?
Honey, I have news for you but bad things happen to good people.
But this thread isn't about that.

Wow, I don't think I could more strongly disagree with your post. My 6 year old has sensory issues-- hates food smells, won't wear a jacket, etc. etc. etc. At the OT evaluation I was told to deal with it.
He won't wear a kippah or tzitzit. Manages to make it through school with a baseball cap and tzitzit and takes them off as soon as he gets home.
I would never never never "enforce mitzvot"-- he will IY"H come to it on his own. I don't believe Hashem cares if right now my kid can't deal with wearing a kippah.
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nechamashifra




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 9:42 am
This thread makes me think that a lot of people confuse religion with "conforming/blending in to the neighbours".
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 9:55 am
Pantyhose in the summer? Unhygienic.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 10:23 am
nechamashifra wrote:
This thread makes me think that a lot of people confuse religion with "conforming/blending in to the neighbours".


Exactly! I'm not sure how this thread became a discussion about tzniyus. It sounded to me that any concern the OP may have about her dd's tzniyus here was an afterthought. I think her real concern is about her daughter fitting in and wearing what everyone else is wearing - in a fashion sense, not in a tzniyus sense. She didn't say her dd doesn't want to cover her legs in the summer. She said dd doesn't want to wear sheer pantyhose. Why are people telling OP not to force her idea of tzniyus on dd instead of telling her not to force her concern for fashion/fitting in on her dd??
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 10:23 am
Deleted - posted double by accident
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 11:04 am
heidi wrote:
Wow, I don't think I could more strongly disagree with your post. My 6 year old has sensory issues-- hates food smells, won't wear a jacket, etc. etc. etc. At the OT evaluation I was told to deal with it.
He won't wear a kippah or tzitzit. Manages to make it through school with a baseball cap and tzitzit and takes them off as soon as he gets home.
I would never never never "enforce mitzvot"-- he will IY"H come to it on his own. I don't believe Hashem cares if right now my kid can't deal with wearing a kippah.


Uh the post you quoted said exactly what you did.
That if her child had real sensory issues then obviously she wouldn't make her wear things that irritate it.
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BetsyTacy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 11:11 am
At 11, if this is fashion and not tznius who cares. In all honesty, I would ask/bribe on a super special occasion if she would do me a favor to blend in for the family photo at a family wedding, but the truth is the truth. It would be a fashion favor for me. Now if I was on the fence to have a fancy-dinner bat mitzvah for her, and she wanted to wear thick knee socks, then with enough lead time, maybe we'd have a bbq instead.

Few people's fashion choices at 11 haunt them for life.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 11:14 am
amother wrote:


The debate between this mother and daughter seems to be fashion vs sensory.

Sensory HAS to win in this situation.


Once more for emphasis.
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yksraya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 02 2017, 12:02 pm
amother wrote:
Op here, on shabbos, even those that wear short socks (most kids her age are in knee socks)or knee socks during the week wear those dumb nude tights on shabbos, because I guess that's what everyone does!

Is there any knee highs/Thigh highs in the same color? Maybe she would be comfortable with them?

Personally, I don't like nude for kids, they have enough yrs to wear nude/beige when they grow up. Let them be kids.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Fri, Feb 03 2017, 6:17 am
Try knee high stockings, or thigh high stockings (if she's wearing a skirt, it won't be obvious that they are thigh highs.

I had 2 issues with tights - one was that the top was all elastic-y and bunchy and tight and uncomfortable. Thigh highs will solve this. The other issue is that the seams at the toes bother me - turn them inside out. Since they are in shoes anyway, no one will see that they are inside out and it will be more comfortable.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Fri, Feb 03 2017, 11:32 am
I would love it if my daughter didn't conform to peer pressure, even in something as simple as clothing! Good gor her for choosing her own style and comfort! PLEASE dont teach ur child to do stuff just because "everyone else is"!!!

Aside from that, she's 11! She has plenty of time in adulthood to wear panyhose. Let her b a kid as long as possible! !
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Sun, Mar 18 2018, 6:11 pm
Op, I’m wondering what happened last summer and what you will do this summer?

Last year my dd was 9 and most girls were wearing the nude pantyhose on shabbos ... she’s tall but we got away with socks (matched knee socks to her shoes and outfits) because she was 9. This year she’s 10 ... and as we are putting together her summer wardrobe I’m wondering what we will do about the socks/hose issue. Yes, around here the big girls do wear sheer pantyhose with shabbos outfits... my dd probably would but it’s me who doesn’t like the look... and at the same time don’t want to stick out.
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