Moral dilemma-am I selfish for cancelling due to miscarriage

greenfire

Tue, Feb 07 2017, 4:08 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

...
Unquestionably, you did put her in a bad position. She thought she had a place to stay. Maybe she could have made other arrangements if you had declined originally, and is unable to do so now, particularly as others may now be staying at the other places she could have called -- IOW, she might have been able to make alternative plans earlier, but be unable to do so now. ...

do you think op deliberately planned her miscarriage so she can put this would be guest in a bad position ?!

nobody plans death ...

finallyamommy

Tue, Feb 07 2017, 4:18 pm

Saw that she found another place, but I was going to offer to host her if we could. OP if it becomes relevant again feel free to pm me. And refuah shleima, I've never had a miscarriage but I went through almost five years of infertility and I know what it's like to long for a healthy baby.

bepositive

Tue, Feb 07 2017, 4:21 pm

finallyamommy wrote:

Thanks so much. This miscarriage us actually my 4th loss and I'm married 4.5 years...

SixOfWands

Tue, Feb 07 2017, 4:25 pm

greenfire wrote:

do you think op deliberately planned her miscarriage so she can put this would be guest in a bad position ?!

nobody plans death ...

Is there a particular reason that you snipped my comments, without noting that you did so, and took my comments out of context to make it appear that I said something that I didn't?

Let's look at my post, as a whole:

Quote:

I'm sorry for your loss.

How much notice did you give her of the change of plans?

Unquestionably, you did put her in a bad position. She thought she had a place to stay. Maybe she could have made other arrangements if you had declined originally, and is unable to do so now, particularly as others may now be staying at the other places she could have called -- IOW, she might have been able to make alternative plans earlier, but be unable to do so now.

That doesn't mean that you're wrong in cancelling. You've suffered a loss. You're not up to hosting. That's quite understandable. You've no need to feel guilty.

But I think we still have to recognize that the jilted guest has been put in a bad position as well, and not (as others -- not OP) seem to think, nothing more than a freeloader whose feelings shouldn't be considered.

Sometimes one person can be right (OP) while the other (guest) can still be wronged.

Hmm.. I acknowledged OP's loss. I told her that she's not wrong in cancelling, and that she need to do what's right for her.

But then I indicated that the fact that OP was not wrong in cancelling shouldn't stop us from sympathizing with the guest.

You can sympathize with two people at once. Or at least I can.

greenfire

Tue, Feb 07 2017, 4:37 pm

I read your entire post & it is in full view above for everyone to read ...

my focus is on what I consider to be quite offensive regardless of the other sympathetic words. op did not put her in a bad position - op cannot control acts of god & an unforeseen miscarriage aka the death of her fetus a life inside her

to reiterate, would you feel the same if a family member died vs a fetus ?