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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
What does "Autism" mean?



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amother
Lime


 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2017, 3:25 pm
Someone I'm very close to (I'll call them "friend") recently got word that their sister's child was determined to have autism.
I've never met sister or child, but seen many videos and would never have guessed from looking at it. In a prior career, I've worked extensively with adults and children with autism, but more as an aide, so I'm far from a professional who has the capacity to diagnose, even if I ever had met the child.
Friend is taking it a bit hard, it's making them very sad, as they love their niece. I'm trying to not say the wrong thing but still be there for them, so I don't want to say something like, "Autism isn't a bad thing, don't worry!" I know it is overly stigmatised but at the same time, I don't want to dismiss friend's sadness. (I'm very sorry if talking about friend's reaction is hurtful to any people on here... I really just want to know how to be there and what exactly this means.)
From the videos I've seen, niece is without a doubt extremely high functioning, if she is autistic.
She's responsive to the adults around her (ex.- in a video, someone says, "thumbs up!" And she gives thumbs up). She's active in the videos, and seems to have no problems talking. I'm told in social situations she's extremely shy, sits apart from all the children, etc. Friend also says that as a baby, she used to stare at people's faces and not react to their expressions.

My experience with this was obviously working with people who were far less functioning. Even the high functioning individuals (could dress themselves, eat) were extremely not responsive to general talk around them.

I guess my questions are: What makes someone autistic as opposed to very shy? How is this determination made? Is the determination subjective?
Finally, how do I be there for my friend who is less familiar with autism and is now feeling very sad for their niece?
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LiLIsraeli




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2017, 3:50 pm
These are the criteria by which autism is diagnosed: https://www.autismspeaks.org/w.....teria

HFA (High-functioning autism) does not refer to someone who can dress and feed themselves. While autism is a developmental disorder, it very often does not interfere with motor skills or intelligence. To the contrary - many people with autism, especially high-functioning autism, are extremely intelligent and can function independently.
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2017, 4:01 pm
My son, who is also diagnosed on the spectrum, sounds a lot like what you're describing. What I like about it is it gives me a way to understand him better. It's not that he's trying to be difficult, it's that his brain doesn't work quite the same way mine does. It's also made it easier for us to access the help he needs. I have no doubt that my son will be able to grow up and live a full and happy life.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2017, 6:24 pm
Autism is no longer a diagnosis on its own. It is now considered a "spectrum" disorder. Meaning, there are many levels of functioning on the spectrum, from very mild to extremely severe. Some people are very high functioning but are still diagnosed on the Austistic spectrum. This child can fall anywhere on the spectrum and still be called autistic. The DSM is the manual that lists the criteria that are used to make the diagnosis.
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Forrealx




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2017, 6:46 pm
There are many persons, and everyone is unique in their own way. So what I'm telling you now is my own personal story with autism. I have it. No one would have ever guessed. I'm not good in physics or maths I never played with trains. It was just I was always missing things. Like I wanted to make friends and I did not knew how to make them. So I claimed or pushed people away. I could not stand a crowd I began to cry or I went very silent.
They gave me a lable autism. A friend of me he has ADHD and he is a Md. We talked a lot about those things, you don't have autism or adhd, you are not are like that. There are certain things in the DSM what is charachtistic for you. Like I can't handle a bunch of impressions. So after a long day at the university I want to sit down and I can't bring it up to go to a bar or a friend with my husband. Because I really need to rest. But ey, give me a new language and I learn it in a hurry, or a theory in sociology, psyhology and religion I know it... but in somethings I'm not useful and those things has been called autism. And maybe my hb has also his things maybe he is a little ocd with his cleaning things and I'm the chaotic person here but that made him him and I felt for that and he felt on my autistic parts.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2017, 7:26 pm
One of the truest things every said. "If you've met one person with Autism, you've met ONE person with Autism." Meaning that no two are ever alike. Brains are complicated things, and even on the spectrum, they can present very differently, even while having striking similarities.

I have an online friend who is a brilliant writer. She's funny, smart, personable, in touch with her feelings - yet highly Autistic and non verbal. She cannot tolerate any bright lights, annoying sounds, or strong scents. She never leaves the house, except once a year for a doctor's appointment. The stress of the appointment leaves her in bed for weeks afterward. I followed her blog for a year before she mentioned that she can only communicate through typing. I never would have guessed.

I have another friend who says she knew her baby was Autistic the day he was born. She said he came out screaming like something from the Exorcist, and has never stopped. He's 23 now, extremely violent, and living in a special care home, after breaking 3 of her ribs during a meltdown.

Many people with Asperger's hold highly prestigious jobs. You wouldn't know they were "different" until you tried to talk to them in a social setting. Then they will be awkward, sometimes inappropriate, laugh at the wrong times, and only want to talk about things that are specific interests to them. (Like my DH.)

My advice, is to let your friend mourn the child she thought she had. A diagnosis is often the death of one dream, but with time, it becomes the birth of a different dream. It's a process. Just validate her feelings, and let her vent when she needs to. Otherwise, don't make it the center of conversation. Having a special needs kiddo can be overwhelming, and sometimes the best thing you can do is "be normal". Go shopping and drink coffee with her.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2017, 11:40 pm
What I would say to someone like your friend (and you) is that the child is still the same child s/he was yesterday/before the diagnosis. All the things you love about her are still there. All the things that make her great are still there. They're not going anywhere (true sometimes kids regress, but it's not like muscular dystrophy where by definition you're going to lose what you have.) Even their challenges haven't changed - clearly they had some challenge in the first place that made them get evaluated, so all the diagnosis means is that now we have a language with which to understand the challenges and help them more appropriately.
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