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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
amother
Saddlebrown
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Sun, Feb 12 2017, 1:43 pm
If I give to X, and she doesn't have one ready for me, let's assume she feels bad (I'm assuming she pulls the label off of another and/or cobbles together something for me if necessary, so I won't know the difference, and thus I feel good). Likewise, vice versa. If I give to X and she has one for me, we both feel good. If neither of us delivers to the other, no one feels bad but repeat that enough times in a community and somebody is sad because she didn't get any except reciprocal ones from people she delivered to.
My particular question is regarding the shul or school MM where you check off all the families you want to give to on a printed or electronic form. We're participating in one this year for the first time through our shul. I can think of one person we can safely give to, since she's the one who persuaded me to join, but we only know a few families beyond hers and I've no idea what most of the young families do. What's my safest move? There's a good chance we won't be in this neighborhood next year, so let's assume we're talking about promoting good feelings between now and Rosh Hashana with no chance to make amends next Purim.
All logical analysis welcome, both particular to my case and more general.
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simcha2
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Sun, Feb 12 2017, 2:17 pm
When we first moved to a community we carefully went through the shul list to see who we should give to. When we received our shul mm with the list it was full of people we didn't know.
Most people just check the "everyone" box!
The people who we specifically sent to had no idea that we had done just for them, they probably assumed we also sent to the whole shul, or more likely didn't notice one way or the other.
We now just do to everybody.
It is a fundraiser for the shul, so I figure the extra few dollars between the cost of sending to the families is tzedaka money. (Not that I take it from our maaser). Sending to everybody is one price and relatively cheap compared to the cost x number of families total.
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amother
Blonde
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Sun, Feb 12 2017, 2:46 pm
In our shul you either participate or not. In other words, there's one price and everyone who gives gives to all. Imho, the whole thing goes is kinda pointless. We get a nicely wrapped mm with a zeroxed list of other participants, who you are "getting" it from. I don't bother to read the list, because none of them are giving it to me! Not sure what the meaning of it is. Dh is into it, otherwise I'd bow out.
Dh is very into the whole looking good, being part of the community, etc business. I find it sucks all meaning out of it.
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cm
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Sun, Feb 12 2017, 2:51 pm
At my shul you can send to all for a fairly low price (equivalent to sending to about 25 families), so that's what most people do.
If you do not want to do this or if a reasonably-priced "send all" option is not available, see if a reciprocity option is offered. In this case, mm will automatically be sent in your name to anyone who sends to you. You will receive a bill afterwards. Note - if "send all" is available and not too expensive, expect a lot of names, and a sizable reciprocity bill. Better to "send all" yourself if you are on a budget.
Or, just check off the names you know within your family budget.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Sun, Feb 12 2017, 2:55 pm
I like the idea in theory- my mother got very worn out with making 150+ every year, and I think at that point you miss out on the "ish lere'ehu" anyways. If this keeps things sane, it's wonderful. We only gave 3 last year, I think, though we had a couple extra just in case someone unexpected came. (No one did, but I'm assuming it just isn't done here to make more than a few and we weren't on anyone's shortlist but one of the people we gave to.)
I get the feeling we're more financially stable than most couples our age, so there's also the matter of not making others feel bad who can't afford the whole list. If this is generally accepted as maaser, though, that's less of an issue.
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