$$ | Imamother

amother

Navy

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 7:25 pm

Dunno why he considers himself lucky. That salary is the pits. What does he do? As an accountant my husband just graduated and got a job for 54k+6k bonus and we were thrilled because of job potential not salary. Maybe this guy is the same.

On a side note, you seem to just want to bash people for their poor financial decisions and want everyone to feel just as anxious about finances as you do. When I find myself in this mode I try to remind my self to a. Have more faith in hashem b. Take steps to make myself feel more comfortable with our financial situation so that I'm able to not resent people who seem to be happy and OK with so much less than us.

cnc

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 7:38 pm

esther990 wrote:

The difference between our yeshivish school and MO school is about 2.5k per kid.
I understand all the variations, I just want someone to show me the math Smile

Well the difference between my school and my aunts is between 15-17k PER child . Yes you read that right. (And I should add that I send to the most expensive school in my area. Most of them are a couple of thousand dollars cheaper a year.)

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 8:18 pm

Brooklyn girl here...I've always wondered how people pay for these tremendous expenses. These type of threads usually give no answers as the give examples of the exceptions not the rule. Most people didn't save $30k of their babysitting money. Most people didn't have an account that they put $100 since they were 5 years old. I think way more than half the girls (and boys) from bklyn go to israel for a year post high school. I think it costs around 25k. My coworker was complaining for the last 2 years that she wouldn't be able to send her twin girls to Israel this year. Sure enough they are both there. It probably costs 2 full years of her salary. How did she pull this off? I have no idea. Chassidim are in a different category because their tuition is much cheaper, they don't go to expensive sleep away camps, and most 30 year olds aren't homeowners. How do these bklyn families do it? It seems that they so many of them live a lifestyle that would indicate a 250k+ income. Surely that's not always the case. It doesn't make sense to me.

amother

Cerise

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 8:57 pm

The thing is, I think most people are exceptions in that everyone probably does it differently. There's no "this is how it's done". Many people from wealthier families probably get support, etc, and there are scholarships and gemachs and so on. But for example, I started working when I was 10 at a small job and have been working and saving ever since. I grew up in a frugal family and I try to live within my means as best as I could, even when paying full tuition means that yes in many ways I don't have certain things that are a "given" for families that are on scholarships. My husband is in kollel and chinuch and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But I don't have or do some of the things that everyone "expects" or "needs".

PinkFridge

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 9:01 pm

esther990 wrote:

Lets rephrase
How does a yeshivish family/heimish/Mo/any other observant family in which the parents are employed in low skill/low paying jobs with no other significant financial reserves, who clearly struggle with basic expenses can come up with extra 10-50K for weddings/kollel support multiply by the number of kids.

I recently was at a wedding, a yeshivish black hat type (if that matters)of a family whom I know for a fact do not have $. The wedding was over the top. Its their 3 kid (3 more to go) and even if they paid for 1/2 of it, it was way more then they could afford. I understand its not the norm, but what is the point?

Thanks.

I can't help you with the mink coat but I've read enough "true as told to" stories to be dlkz the chasuna. It could be that a relative sponsored it. Or someone else sponsored a mechanech's chasuna the night of their own, and insisted it be commensurate in standards with theirs.

All I can say is, if you have an acquaintance with them and are making a chasuna yourself, you can call and ask for eitzos and see what they say.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 9:03 pm

amother wrote:

Only the first part of the bolded is actually true.

amother

Silver

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 9:04 pm

amother wrote:

Horror of Horrors I have heard of people who take thier kids savings and use that as "support."

If a girl wants to start off in kollel and has the savings, that can certainly be offered as the support. At some point in the relationship it would be a good idea for the girl to explain to the boy. And if they're both ok with it, fine.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 9:25 pm

honestly if I wanted to marry a kollel guy I would expect to use MY savings not my parents. I would have a problem with the parents using a different child's savings but the child who they are supporting- it should be discussed with the child but if they want a kollel guy than that's the way it'll be.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 10:37 pm

amother wrote:

Only the first part of the bolded is actually true.

Interesting. So your saying chassidim are spending $3500+ per kid for sleep away camp? Many of the common litfish camps such as romimu, rayim, dora golding, and munk charge even more.

amother

Puce

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 11:00 pm

amother wrote:

Interesting. So your saying chassidim are spending $3500+ per kid for sleep away camp? Many of the common litfish camps such as romimu, rayim, dora golding, and munk charge even more.

No way! I think we paid like a 1/3 of that.

amother

Puce

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 11:02 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Haven't seen all the mink coats u people are talking about. And definitely didn't hear about it or know anyone ,(including my SIL from a very well off family) that got it for "shtofir".

amother

Red

Mon, Feb 13 2017, 11:15 pm

amother wrote:

Yup. My parents saved money for each child. To be used for wedding, schooling, 2 years of kollel support, or buying a house. Our choice.

They started saving very early. Once the amount of kids was stable, they split it evenly.

myym

Tue, Feb 14 2017, 2:02 pm

"On a side note, you seem to just want to bash people for their poor financial decisions and want everyone to feel just as anxious about finances as you do. When I find myself in this mode I try to remind my self to a. Have more faith in hashem b. Take steps to make myself feel more comfortable with our financial situation so that I'm able to not resent people who seem to be happy and OK with so much less than us."

I couldn't agree with this more. It seems OP, that your issue is fargining someone to make a nice wedding when they clearly aren't as educated or as well to do as you. Hashem runs the world. Its not for you to be so concerned how others make it. Be happy they can, and that you can.

cnc

Tue, Feb 14 2017, 2:04 pm

amother wrote:

Interesting. So your saying chassidim are spending $3500+ per kid for sleep away camp? Many of the common litfish camps such as romimu, rayim, dora golding, and munk charge even more.

I don't think Chassidish camps are in that price range.