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amother
White


 

Post Wed, Feb 15 2017, 6:24 pm
And by the way if I bump into you one day with your longer wig and maroon nailpolish I really won't care. Promise. So please don't make any assumptions about me just because I live in Toms River ( or Lakewood!!!!) Deal?
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L K




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 15 2017, 6:47 pm
amother wrote:
I think what "appalled" her was the fact that her child is in a school that does not encourage TVs and the poster suggested that having a TV is totally accepted there. Now take a deep breath and don't worry, no one cares what you do in your bedroom.


This. The only correction is that that particular school doesn't just not encourage tvs but forbids them.

I wonder, why is it considered fine to encourage those who want to break school rules.

Conversely, why is it fine to label proponents of following school rules narrow minded bigots?
Is it such an anomaly to (gasp) abide by school rules and expect others to do the same? Tell me which mitzvah lo saaseh we're being over by believing school rules should be followed.

Following the logic, we really should celebrate both those who break rules and those who cheer them on.
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livinginflatbus




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 15 2017, 9:12 pm
This thread is very disturbing to me . One thing I don't like about Lakewood is about how everyone has to fit in one box . Even though I know many types are moving in , the general attitude looks down on you if you don't conform to their standard. As a matter of fact I went away with my friend from Lakewood and she said she can finally wear her trendier clothes that would be judged at in Lakewood . And she is very with it. Before I get jumped on I want to say that there are many wonderful people in Lakewood and a lot of good things take place there . Just my two cents
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Wed, Feb 15 2017, 9:17 pm
Its true that pple feel like they need to conform but there is a positive side to that...which is a feeling of needing to dress tznius...in other towns I have watched family members move down levels and becoming less tzniusdik because they feel comfortable doing so. Just my two cents.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 12:14 am
amother wrote:
Its true that pple feel like they need to conform but there is a positive side to that...which is a feeling of needing to dress tznius...in other towns I have watched family members move down levels and becoming less tzniusdik because they feel comfortable doing so. Just my two cents.


Its all so fake though. Sorry from someon looking in
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 6:26 am
What's fake about trying to follow the rules and Halacha? I u derstand you don't feel comfortable with too many rules, but if people want to follow them why is it fake? They are gonna get schar for going above and beyond.

For those who are following it because of fitting in, ok they reallyshpuld examine their whole mindset and figure out what is going on with their belief system. But for those who are choosing to happily? I commend them? They are going above and beyond. They believe in this. I know many such people here in Lakewood.
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 10:46 am
I guess it's easier to say it's fake then to respect it , but admit it's not for you.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 10:49 am
amother wrote:
Its all so fake though. Sorry from someon looking in


Sorry - judgementalism goes two ways. That's an unfair comment.
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amother
Lime


 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 11:06 am
L K wrote:
This. The only correction is that that particular school doesn't just not encourage tvs but forbids them.

I wonder, why is it considered fine to encourage those who want to break school rules.

Conversely, why is it fine to label proponents of following school rules narrow minded bigots?
Is it such an anomaly to (gasp) abide by school rules and expect others to do the same? Tell me which mitzvah lo saaseh we're being over by believing school rules should be followed.

Following the logic, we really should celebrate both those who break rules and those who cheer them on.



Imvnsho

You are being oivr the biggest lov of the whole Torah

DON'T BE A SHOTEH

Im not talking about normal rules shabbos, kasrus tv etc..
But nailpolish driving
At some point in time yiu need to think for yourself

And say the only thing thats needed for evil to flourish is for good ppl to stand by and do nothing

RBSO

We have 1000s of children going OTD and were worrying about wigs and nail polish
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 11:37 am
I find it interesting that people are moving to a city they despise and mock that was originally built on that foundation.
Why? There are so many other cities - like in Northern NJ that are much more open minded and accepting. Why Lakewood?
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 11:39 am
We have 1000s of children going OTD and I'm worrying about what to make for supper too.

Just trying to figure out why having 1000s of children going OTD means we shouldn't care or talk about about anything else.
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 11:46 am
The people mocking and degrading it are not the ones moving there, generally. They are the ones who think about it but then don't see themselves fitting in. Not sure why they can't just move on as you suggested.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 11:47 am
I don't think nail polish and long wigs are such big issues in Lakewood - but having a TV is a no-no - even though, like I posted, I know people have them.

In fact, in OP's first post she did not mention the TV - just the long wig and nail polish - and I responded positively that she can find her place here. Further down she posted about the TV.

I have seen people with long wigs and nailpolish in BF, which I send to...I don't wear a loooong wig but it's not short. And I will go for a manicure for Yom Tov myself, though I favor light colors. But when I registered DD for BF, I signed that I have no TV in my home.

Others can chime in, but I think that's pretty standard here for most schools. Perhaps there are some that don't have that policy.

And there are those who keep that info to themselves. The lack of honesty aside, I would say that that bothers me more if the kids watch, than if the parents occasionally watch behind closed doors. Though to be honest, I had high school friends who watched TV when their parents were out - in homes that had a no-tv-for-the-kids policy. And they did not stick to stuff their parents would've been semi-ok with, either.

OP, if you have a TV, you need to consider that your children might not follow your rules as they get older.
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L K




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 12:25 pm
amother wrote:
Imvnsho

You are being oivr the biggest lov of the whole Torah

DON'T BE A SHOTEH

Im not talking about normal rules shabbos, kasrus tv etc..
But nailpolish driving
At some point in time yiu need to think for yourself

And say the only thing thats needed for evil to flourish is for good ppl to stand by and do nothing

RBSO

We have 1000s of children going OTD and were worrying about wigs and nail polish


I'll try to forgive your nasty and irrelevant post because apparently you just didn't read my posts and confused me with other posters, or lumped all aspects of the op's lifestyle together and decided I was going against all of them in bulk.

I was super specific in my posts that I didn't appreciate the fact that one poster recommended the op (who owns a tv) to enroll her kids into my kids school (that forbids tvs).

As to my opinions on nail polish and sheitel length: I never articulated them on this thread, so you don't even know what they are. In general, I believe I have a right to have an opinion about nail polish, sheitels and even about weather in Honolulu today.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 1:43 pm
amother wrote:
I find it interesting that people are moving to a city they despise and mock that was originally built on that foundation.
Why? There are so many other cities - like in Northern NJ that are much more open minded and accepting. Why Lakewood?


No one I know who is not yeshivish and is moving to Lakewood is coming for the "wonderful" externally values community. Where you need to marry off your daughters to a boy in BMG with blood money (bec CV a boy going to college instead of BMG is a label) where gasp nail polish makes you a zonah, where being judgmental makes you "frum". People are moving because you can buy a beautiful property, live in tristate area and have extremely cheap tuition compared to anywhere else. People are being priced out of NY area and even 5 towns which was once affordable is not an option for many. I started this post to know if Lakewood is evolving. Based on the extremely judgmental and "lakewoody" style comments I certainly am not risking it.
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amother
White


 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 1:52 pm
Based on your characterization of most of the comments as "lakewoody" and "judgmental," --even though many of the replies are clearly NOT - I have a feeling you didn't really wanna move here to begin with ...
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 2:02 pm
amother wrote:
No one I know who is not yeshivish and is moving to Lakewood is coming for the "wonderful" externally values community. Where you need to marry off your daughters to a boy in BMG with blood money (bec CV a boy going to college instead of BMG is a label) where gasp nail polish makes you a zonah, where being judgmental makes you "frum". People are moving because you can buy a beautiful property, live in tristate area and have extremely cheap tuition compared to anywhere else. People are being priced out of NY area and even 5 towns which was once affordable is not an option for many. I started this post to know if Lakewood is evolving. Based on the extremely judgmental and "lakewoody" style comments I certainly am not risking it.


and here I feel like you are judging all the women of Lakewood with your comments. No one said anything you said. Judgement goes 2 ways.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 2:03 pm
ok the funny part of this whole discussion is that we all send to schools that dont allow tv internet yet were all here. ha ha.

ok ok I get it. I wouldnt be ok with my kids here too. but its just interesting how we dont want our kids exposed yet we are so very. whatever. im doing it too. because I disagree with not being educated. and I have a thirst for knowledge and I want to be able to access google for a lot of my questions. whatever most people today have internet in some form.

tv isnt the issue at this point. the fake isnt here. its the fact that the world has changed in a very big way. we still want to shelter our kids. even the non jewish world talks about shelting their kids.

I still wouldnt want my child to watch tv in my house or someone elses house. I didnt as a child either. but if you do I certainly dont see anything wrong. see how I can understand that you allow your kids tv but I dont want mine to.

todays day in age the ones who are so to the right want to shut their eyes to the reality. its a losing battle. I think. I just think that the way things are is not gonna hold for too long. I am worried for my kids.

PLEASE DONT TELL MY I SHOULDNT RAISE MY KIDS THIS WAY OR I CANT GIVE THEM A CHANCE theres a reason I am doing it this way. ok many more reasons. and I still WANT to raise them this way.

just like every place has problems we do too. its the nature of the beast.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 2:05 pm
was I just rambling? I guess I just allowed myself to go on
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Thu, Feb 16 2017, 2:29 pm
amother wrote:
No one I know who is not yeshivish and is moving to Lakewood is coming for the "wonderful" externally values community. Where you need to marry off your daughters to a boy in BMG with blood money (bec CV a boy going to college instead of BMG is a label) where gasp nail polish makes you a zonah, where being judgmental makes you "frum". People are moving because you can buy a beautiful property, live in tristate area and have extremely cheap tuition compared to anywhere else. People are being priced out of NY area and even 5 towns which was once affordable is not an option for many. I started this post to know if Lakewood is evolving. Based on the extremely judgmental and "lakewoody" style comments I certainly am not risking it.


OP, it sounds like you are really happy in FR/5T and would love to stay there. It must be really frustrating that it's unaffordable. I really feel for you.

However, I don't think it's fair to take it out on the people in Lakewood. They are not obligated to change their way of life because there are people who do not fit in there but want to live there because it's affordable. If they have chosen to live there, that means they are happy with how things are there, or at least they think the positives outweigh the negatives. You don't have to live there, but don't get mad at them for living as they want.

What if a person who loves life in Lakewood and doesn't fit in at all in FR/5T was looking into moving there because they needed to be in that location (for a job, or for a family situation etc), and she came in here posting that it's not right that people in the 5T do x, y, or z and that they are shallow or fake or not frum enough or any other negative thing? Wouldn't you tell her that there are many people who are happy there and that she doesn't have to live there if she doesn't fit in but she shouldn't bash their way of life?

Btw, I live in FR and love it here and would never want to live in Lakewood. But you are coming across as way more judgemental than any posters from Lakewood. I will assume that it's because of how terribly frustrating it is that the place you want to live in is unaffordable, and the affordable option is not a place where you would be happy.
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