Toms River/Jackson

doctorima

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 10:04 am

Op, I don't live in Lakewood, but have been there plenty, and while it's true that it may slowly be changing, from the tone of your posts, I really, really don't think you'll be happy there. Even if you may be able to find like-minded families and a neighborhood where you could feel comfortable, the bottom line is that there are certain attitudes in town - and especially in the schools, as everybody keeps mentioning - which will make you extremely resentful and uncomfortable, which will only exacerbate the tension. Why not look into a cheaper but more open place like Clifton or Waterbury, I.e. anyplace but Lakewood?

L K

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 10:10 am

Chayalle, I may have my personal opinions (like we all do) on sheitels long and short, and various nail polish colors, and merits of owning a TV, or integrity of moving it to the front lawn and whatnot. I'll keep them to myself because that's not the subject of this conversation.

I generally don't post if I have nothing constructive to add, or my point of view has been expressed by another poster.

But I am personally appalled and felt the need to post when amother states she has a tv, and another one advises her to go to Ytt.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 10:29 am

I would never allow my children to watch movies without the parent's permission, but it would never dawn on me to ask if a child can play a game on a tablet? Never heard of that and I've lived here my whole life.

Re lying to the schools, I agree it's a huge problem, and honesty is more important than the other issues being discussed here. I just don't send back the forms at all. Because I won't lie. And I've never been asked for them.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 10:31 am

L K wrote:

Most people in YTT watch movies even if they don't have tv. See what I wrote in previous post about Netflix...

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 10:31 am

I live in Lakewood and send to one of the aforementioned "less yeshivish" schools.

I wear dark(er) nail polish on occasion, and get compliments from my neighbors - some of whom wear similar colors, some of whom don't ever wear nail polish. I share my secular books with my neighbors, but put them away when one of the more sensitive neighbors' daughter babysits for me. My shaitel goes a couple inches past my shoulders - is that long?

There are definitely neighborhoods in Lakewood like mine, though not many. I am thrilled to be living here where we are all accepting of each other, where even the wealthy people buy their kids' clothes at Target, and where nobody judges me if my skirt is shorter than hers.

So I have the advantages of living in TR or Jackson, with the advantages of living in Lakewood itself. Win-win!

On the subject of TVs - I grew up with a TV in my house and turned out just fine. But I do not have one. I also don't allow my kids free access to the Internet - if they're watching a movie, it's Curious George or Tom & Jerry or Uncle Moishy or Bob the Builder or other prescreened clean kids' shows, usually on DVD.

We went away recently and the kids watched TV in the hotel room in the morning and I have to say that TV is still very different than monitored Netflix (don't have it, though) or DVDs or even certain YouTube channels (my kids like Mr. Rogers "how it's made" videos). When they're watching TV, I don't know which inane show is which, what they're going to talk about, and if it's giving messages to my kids that I don't like.

No, I'm not over-sheltering them. Yes, I could sit and watch TV with them, but that would defeat the purpose (I let them watch when I need to accomplish something, like when I have to work on a vacation or snow day).

So while everyone says that if you have internet, you have a TV, I disagree. You CAN have TV-equivalent internet, but you can also use it like I do.

OP, like others have said, Toms River and Jackson are basically Lakewood suburbs. You may live "out of town," but you'll definitely need to be part of Lakewood. There are still many aspects of living here that irk me, especially when I venture out of my comfort zone (my wonderful neighborhood and school), but you'll have that anywhere. You have to decide what works for you.

Good luck with your decision!

L K

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 10:43 am

amother wrote:

Most people in YTT watch movies even if they don't have tv. See what I wrote in previous post about Netflix...

I haven't mentioned watching movies, as what a particular parent may him/herself watch or do in private life is completely outside of my domain. I stuck specifically to discussing the point of advising one who has a tv to send to a non-tv-allowing school.

Btw, I don't remember any school inquiring as to parents watching stuff, whether online or offline.

L K

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 10:47 am

amother wrote:

hotpink (funny amother color, in a discussion of nail polish lol), I think I can let my dd babysit by you!

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 11:11 am

ok, so I also send to YTT in lakewood and my kids dont watch movies. I would also be upset if people with TV's were in my kids classes. There are definitely people who lie and its not right. I know personally that they look into things if kids mention it. They are definitely trying to accept better people since there have been alot of complaints from the frummer parents. They also were trying to get their learning alumni to send there. Some classes are definitely frummer then others. But, in all honesty my kids have never come home asking to watch anything, besides one of my sons asked for "home alone", which isnt a bad movie.My main concern is more tznius of the mothers, it upsets me when they take pple that dont dress tzniusdik, but overall its a small amount. On a side note, its a really warm school and the kids love it.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 11:18 am

LK, send her on over! We can always use more girls around here.

I don't send to YTT, but there are definitely kids in my kids' classes who watch more than I let my kids watch. My son knows all about "minions" and we've never seen it (looks like a really stupid movie), his classmates talk about the Super Bowl, etc.

I have no issue whatsoever with classmates watching TV - like I said, I grew up with one - but what I do have a problem with is the kids hyper-focusing on TV-related things. Most of my classmates also had TVs, and we rarely sat around talking about our favorite shows. I think that because kids know it's off-limits, they tend to brag/talk about it more than when it's accepted.

L K

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 11:36 am

amother wrote:

Funny that you mentioned Minions. My family learnt about them from the same tablet-game family. I then went to read the summary about the movie (or cartoons?) to educate myself.
Their 6-yo kid was given a tablet. Their 12-yo dd was obsessed with minions and dressing in a fashion never seen in my former development or around it, or in school she went to (I send to the same school), or even around town for that matter. My kids mentioned they had a laptop in the basement, for kids' unsupervised use. Where do you think the kiddo got an idea to pull her socks down to her ankles, wear above-the knee skirts and very trendy "sneaker-shoe-boots", hmmm

amother

Black

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 11:39 am

amother wrote:

Even the most yeshivish kids know about the super bowl.

And I had a totally different experience re. Tv: in my school, it was normal and allowed to have a tv, but my parents didn't have and I wasn't allowed to watch. I felt SO left out when everyone would make jokes about popular tv shows etc. I felt so naive and clueless and stupid.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 11:52 am

Yeah, what's up with the minions craze? I think they're obnoxious.

Amother black, sorry for your experiences, I hope we didn't do that to the non-TV watchers. Honestly can't remember. But I do remember my sister's classmate whose family absolutely forbade TV - she used to come to our house and just veg out in front of the screen while my sister begged her to play something else. Everything in moderation, right? Now she's much more left-leaning than her family and I don't think they have a good relationship.

amother

Black

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 12:00 pm

amother wrote:

My classmates never intentionally left me out!! It's just that when someone would make a joke and everyone would laugh but I didn't get it...
Or the funny, popular kids would imitate famous characters, and I was clueless...

amother

Seashell

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 12:17 pm

Although the schools allow internet, they have you sign an isshur. You need to list all the items in your home that have internet cabability, and that they have filters. My school required that we have a meeting with TAG to understand the dangers of the internet. It needed to be signed by our Rav and the TAG representative. I guess the fear of a TV is that it cannot be filtered. I am not sure, but I don't think that TV's have passwords that lock them. I can imagine my kids having a party if I owned one that they can get onto without my clearance.

I am also under the impression that there are less choices of boys schools for 'not yeshivish' families. As I have seen, and previous posters have mentioned, even YTT who used to accept almost anyone, has become much more selective. I think there are more open-minded girls schools though.
Yes, there are some more 'modern-looking' mothers in many schools, but they are really the minority. Many of them had significant pull, and the hanhala looked away. Many that I know of, were rejected by each school, and begged till the vaad placed them close to September. Even Yeshivish people have a hard time with school acceptances, so you can imagine how it is when you are 'out of the box'.

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 3:19 pm

L K wrote:

I'll be totally honest and say that as a girls-only family, I don't know what goes on in the boys' schools.

I'm more familiar with girls' schools in town, and there are some that OP could probably fit in to. Though I agree, OP would encounter the Lakewood mentality and would likely not be happy with it.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 4:40 pm

L K wrote:

Appalled? Why do you care? I am sorry but what we do un our bedroom has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. In fact my kids dont even watch TV. Maybe on a bad weather day they watch some mr rogers type of stuff on ipad while I supervise. I just dont get why you are HORRIFIED at the thought of someone having a tv. We arent moving so you can take a deep breath. If this is what the Lakewood attitude is about we have 0 interest. Nice house in tristate area is not worth it to live like this is 1992 and TV is a shmutz box.