6 year old girl behavior at home/school

amother

Yellow

Tue, Feb 14 2017, 5:17 pm

Need guidance on what to do??
My 6 year old daughter cries about everything, throws tantrums, bothers girls in school(which is a big problem), bothers her siblings. She is not very verbal and when asked what's wrong will just cry. Not sure what to do? Where to turn?

5*Mom

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 7:53 am

amother wrote:

that doesn't sound medical at all. that sounds developmental or psychological. see a child psychologist

The first step is always to get a thorough medical exam by a pediatrician. I am not a doctor so I cannot possibly list them all, but many medical conditions such as infection, inflammation, allergies, neurological or endocrine conditions, for example, or even poor vision or hearing, can affect a child's mood and behavior. Also, diet and sleep patterns should be assessed. You'd go to your pediatrician, explain your concerns in detail and ask for a thorough exam to rule out any physiological causes. If she gets a clean bill of health, you'd move on to the next step. Can you provide more information about when the problem started and how your dd's development is overall? Also, what do you mean when you say she is not verbal? Has she ever had an evaluation of any sort?

amother

Yellow

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 7:59 am

Shes in first grade. She's a smart girl, does well in school and has friends so on the outside people think I'm crazy when I describe her behavior at home. She's not verbal in that she shuts down when she gets upset, angry or wants something. This came to play because yesterday her teacher called to complain she's bothering some girls by taking their things, annoying them. The teacher thinks it's just behavioral and should be nipped in the bud. What she doesn't know about is her tantrums and shutting down.
She does not eat or sleep well but I can't seem to get those things under control. She wakes up in middle of the night crying a lot of the times and is an extremely picky eater and is underweight though dr not concerned bec she gains at each checkup just not alot

5*Mom

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 8:16 am

amother wrote:

Never mind about the teacher. Why is she doing those things? Has anyone ever asked your dd? What does she say? Ask her with genuine curiosity at a time when she is not defensive.

amother wrote:

What she doesn't know about is her tantrums and shutting down.
She does not eat or sleep well but I can't seem to get those things under control. She wakes up in middle of the night crying a lot of the times and is an extremely picky eater and is underweight though dr not concerned bec she gains at each checkup just not alot

It sounds like her sleep should be assessed to find out why she is waking. Has she had a trauma or major transition recently?

At the same time that you look into her sleep issues, you might want to take a look at Ross Greene's website: http://www.livesinthebalance.org/ It sounds like your dd has some issues with emotional regulation which are possibly affecting other executive functions, like communication.

Last edited by 5*Mom on Wed, Feb 15 2017, 8:20 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 8:19 am

amother wrote:

those are all symptoms of trauma--night waking, not eating well, emotional shut down (dissociation). The last thing she needs it to "nip it in the bud". She needs patience, understanding, and unwavering trust that you will protect her. Go to psyc asap

amother

Yellow

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 8:31 am

Op here.. I would agree with trauma if it was something new but she was never a good sleeper or good eater since she was born. She also has never communicates. I asked this morning while brushing her hair why she took her friends scissors and she just shrugged her shoulders. I'm thinking her behavior is more impulsive and attention seeking. She's always been very jealous takes away siblings toys...always wants to sit on my lap etc

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 8:41 am

It won't hurt to check. The statistic for abuse is 1 in 4. Some kids naturally have harder personalities, I am not denying that, but it does not mean that along the line things got gradually worse even as their age advances and they should have grown out of it

SacN

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 8:48 am

And a good psychologist will tell you to rule out physical issues first.

It could be her breathing, hearing, iron, who knows...
It could be trauma, or sensory overload, or ADHD, or a word recall issue or shes bored/restless, or many other normal things.

Just check it out.

5*Mom

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 8:52 am

amother wrote:

A trauma for a young child can be a new sibling, losing a grandparent, or moving house.

In any case, I would really urge you to read Ross Greene. Interpreting her behaviors as attention seeking and jealous isn't really helpful and could very well lead you - and her teacher - toward the wrong response. And please do check out her sleep issues.

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 9:21 am

Agree with those who say first rule out physical issues. Once that is taken care of, the question becomes what is bothering your DD. Some possibilities are language processing issues, or anxiety.

A niece of mine had language processing issues, and though she did not exhibit your DD's symptoms (she was more a quiet little bubbalah that no one ever heard a peep from), the difference between before and after - before being treated by a language processing therapist and after - is simply unbelievable. Her whole personality came out now that she learned to process everything around her and communicate and express herself. She has friends now, she's socializing, and at family gatherings she's part of the picture, rather than just a wallflower.

Anxiety is also very common in young children, and also very, very treatable. If there are things that bother her and she does not know how to express and communicate, she will act up.

These are just two possibilities, there can be others. First thing is to get her a checkup to make sure everything else is okay with her....

5*Mom

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 10:12 am

amother wrote:

Op here.. Thank you everyone for suggestions definitely gives me a direction to head to.
In the meantime, any advice on what I can do at home - maybe social stories/worksheets, behavior charts etc

I wouldn't recommend trying to deal with the problem with worksheets or charts before you fully understand the nature and root of the problem, because approaching it that way can be counterproductive in some cases. Have you looked at the website I linked to upthread? It will give you some good direction in the meantime.

musicmom

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 12:36 pm

Try giving her extra one on one attention at home. I am not saying that you aren't but if you give her extra she might feel comfortable opening up about what is bothering her. Also, maybe create a routine where you play classical music at night. Sometimes bathing can help kids go to sleep as well as reading her a very long chapter in a book. I'm sure everything will be okay, but when she is better rested she may talk to you.

myym

Wed, Feb 15 2017, 1:05 pm

You really need to go the route of having her evaluated and not trying to deal with it first. I have a 5 year old son somewhat similar to your daughter, and we are exploring sensory issues. That ties in with the emotional regulation. Please read up and look into an evaluation with the board of ed. Like others have said it is a good idea to speak to your pediatrician, but as most do, he will probably brush you off.
Start with the board of ed or a child psychologist.