Gift for Bar Mitzvah in a MO Community

Nomad

Fri, Feb 17 2017, 8:16 am

Hi!
Our family (2 adults + 3 children) went to the bar mitzvah of a friend and we'd like to mail a gift. Question is - how much?? We have no idea. What's a normal amount in MO communities for a bar mitzvah gift?

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 6:22 pm

For her bat mitzvah (I think bar mitzvah gifts are similar) my daughter received gifts ranging from $18 to several hundred, and not necessarily correlated to the giver's apparent wealth. Conclusion: give whatever you feel is suitable.

PAMOM

Sun, Feb 19 2017, 6:28 am

OP,

You seem to want really specific guidance, so I'll offer some:
Did you just go to the shul and then a shul kiddish? Or was there an evening party also?
I'll tell you what's "typical" in my community. You went to shul/community kiddish at shul (no private luncheon, dinner, or party): $50-100. 100 is more typical but 72 is common (as is any multiple of 18, often noted on check). You all went to a party/dinner/private luncheon: a minimum of 100 is typical. Many families will give more (think 180-200 and up), but if you're in a community where you're invited to many b'nai mitzvah, families often give less. Also, I'll be honest with you. I only invite people who I want to celebrate with me. A 36.00 check would be meaningful. If your family came to my child's simcha and made a contribution in his/her honor to a tzedaka I care about, I'd be pleased and touched. Your "job" is to celebrate with me, not fund the affair.
I guarantee that what your friends will remember is that you were there.

essie14

Sun, Feb 19 2017, 10:44 pm

In my circles if you were only invited to or attended a Shabbat Kiddush, no gift.
A weekday party or a Shabbat meal for specific invited guests-- at least $100.

saw50st8

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 4:07 am

For a family that went to a full party, I think $100-125 is pretty standard, depending on the community. When just DH and I go, we usually give around $75.

EmpireState

Mon, Feb 20 2017, 7:08 am

Nomad wrote:

I don't know if this is MO specific or more due to where you're located geographically (we are in NY), but we normally give $180 and up (depending on the relationship we have with the family). Hope this helps...