How are we supposed to live??

amother

Papaya

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 8:31 pm

We are chassidish so no ambition discussions prior to marriage. Honestly, he can learn but is not interested in sitting through class and exams etc. Thank you for the suggestions I will look into possibilities. Its just so hard today's days for the not necessarily book smart men....

amother

Blush

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 8:48 pm

amother wrote:

Chiming in to add I know there are quite a few people with chassidish backgrounds that relocated to Scranton pa for this reason. Lower costs for high quality living etc

Good luck with the journey!!!

amother

Papaya

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 9:36 pm

frumandproud wrote:

I hate to say it but the time to ask that question was before you got married and before you had children. How did you expect to support yourselves?

By working!? I do and my husband does as well. Was I supposed to know at 18 that to make ends meet only marry a professional?

MagentaYenta

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 9:45 pm

amother wrote:

To the bold. This is a bit confusing, either he can learn and is unwilling or he a has a learning disability that hinders him.

Has he offered any solutions to your family's economic plight?

amother

Wine

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 9:49 pm

I dont want to sound rude, but it seems that according to you a married/older person somehow should get more $ then a single/younger person who is doing the same things.

People get paid what they are worth and for what they can do. Skills. Knowledge.

If your husband wants to make more $ he needs to get ahead in life, acquire a skill, get a degree, etc. Good luck.

amother

Papaya

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 9:50 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

To the bold. This is a bit confusing, either he can learn and is unwilling or he a has a learning disability that hinders him.

Has he offered any solutions to your family's economic plight?

He can and is willing to learn a trade but sitting with school books is not his thing. Theres a difference between the two. He is looking for a job anf following leads but only $12. Offers pan out. No real solution offered on his end.

MagentaYenta

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 9:53 pm

amother wrote:

I have to tell you, when I was 50 getting up at 4:30 in the a.m. wasn't my thing either, but I had to make a living. Face the facts your husband is lazy and will continue to be lazy nothing is going to change him. Are you willing to go on with the status quo? It's gonna get worse before it gets better.

Learning a trade means using books too. Understanding building codes and standards, sometimes sciences if you learning a complex trade like being an electrician or boiler operator. Unless he's willing to do framing until his body wears out or being a hod carrier, he career aspirations are minimal.

amother

Papaya

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 9:58 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

That is an awfully harsh thing to say. If someone isnt bright enough for college they are lazy? My husband is an extremely hardworker and will invest his all in his work. How is that lazy? Is it his fault he wasnt born as bright as others and grew up in the chassidish community where they aren't particularly prepared skills wise for work?

He cant afford to work unpaid as an apprentice although he would be willing to work in construction plumbing electric etc. They are also offering low pay for starters....

Thank you all for the other suggestions I will look into them.

MagentaYenta

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 10:24 pm

amother wrote:

You know I've not criticized your husbands intelligence once. You OTH keep saying he's not bright. I'm wondering if he's heard that from you so often that he believes it. What makes someone not bright? Any man who can convince his wife he can't learn is plenty smart.

As an FYI union apprenticeships in trades or crafts are not unpaid positions, they pay over minimum wage. One has to test to be admitted to the program or show an aptitude or drive to do the work. So what he make's $16 an hour as an apprentice. In two years he could be making $40 an hour with a full union benefits package, pension and insurance for your family. My family is blue collar, I'm quite aware that not everyone wants to go to college, but that doesn't mean they didn't want to learn a trade or craft so they could support their families.

amother

Papaya

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 10:31 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

Saying my husband is lazy is harsh. Fyi, I would love him to go to school, have suggested that many times. His response which hasn't changed over the years is I cannot study and am not bright enough to pass the exams. How can you force someone to attend college?

Honestly, I have am not familiar with paid apprenticeship and work unions. Where can u research those?

MagentaYenta

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 11:06 pm

amother wrote:

You go on line and look for local trade unions apprentice programs in your area. Frankly I don't think it will work for him, all require a certain amount of study. Typically 1/2 a day is spent in class and a half a day in the field. Then there are competency and qualifying exams. It's not like you pick up a pipe wrench and shadow a plumber on your first day on the job. These are competitive programs as well, so he would need to meet the minimum qualifications.

amother

Magenta

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 11:22 pm

As an employer, I am addressing the issue of firing a worker who has been by you for 2 years and hiring someone at a lower starting salary.

Good employees are hard to come by. When a good one lands in my lap they make themselves indispensable to me. Yes, if I have someone coming in after 2 years doing the same job as anyone I can hire right now, they are not indispensable and therefor I may look to hire someone cheaper.

The key is to make yourself indispensable to your employer so that if they would fire you, it would set them back and they know it.

amother

Honeydew

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 11:48 pm

amother wrote:

By working!? I do and my husband does as well. Was I supposed to know at 18 that to make ends meet only marry a professional?

You (and your parents, in the chassidish dating system) were supposed to know that a man needs to be able to support a family. He doesn't have to be a professional, but he's got to have some drive and ability. No one asked about finances?

Maya

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 11:55 pm

amother wrote:

This is not the OP's fault.
No, one's future livelihood is not generally a topic of discussion before marriage in average Chassidish circles. The OP's husband is none different than thousands of his peers. This is normal in her world. Don't blame her for something that's cultural and was beyond her control.

amother

Gray

Sat, Feb 18 2017, 11:57 pm

Maya wrote:

And the men have no English education beyond 6th grade. And if you send to another school that offers an English education then you are shamed.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Feb 19 2017, 12:01 am

If you cant make ends meet in Brooklyn, one of the most expensive cities in the country, its time to move. Many chassidish people have moved to Baltimore, like we did. I highly recommend you look into it. A few hours drive away so you will be able to go for shabbes and yontif. Seriously affordable. Brooklyn is not an option for some people. Its time to move. Just because thats where family is and its comfy there isnt reason to stay if youre struggling.