Would you hire a nanny who is prettier then you?

amother

White

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 3:29 pm

cm wrote:

I feel sorry for all the Imamothers whose marriages are so filled with jealousy and distrust.

It's not about distrust. It's about being aware of how strong the yetzer hara is and how rampant affairs are. Why should you be the one to place a possible stumbling block when you're going to be the one who suffers the most if anything happens?

amother

White

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 3:36 pm

ectomorph wrote:

we've discussed this and many people don't have cleaning help.

Even for those who do, it's a completely different situation. Here the husband is often home when the nanny will be there. Most cleaning ladies work in the day while the husbands are out.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 4:03 pm

I wouldn't.

As other posters wrote, why ask for trouble. This has nothing to do with trusting your husband and everything to do with human nature.

Truthfully, I would thing long and hard before hiring any woman whom my husband would be spending so much time with AND the reverse is also true- I would hesitate to have a man in the home if I would be spending alot of time.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 4:27 pm

Agreeing with posters who said they wouldn't have a gorgeous nanny in their house. I trust my husband 100% and I know he thinks I'm beautiful. But hey, if yosef hatzaddik almost fell for eishes potifar, what's to ensure that anyone on our human level today would be able to withstand such a yetzer hara (and no, I'm not insinuating that everyone's husband would go do an aveira with a gorgeous nanny, but I wouldn't be shocked if it would happen...). I liked the example of the dessert, dunno who's post that was, but it was spot on! I dunno that I'd be ok with having a super handsome guy in my house all the time. I wouldn't do anything with him c'v, but thoughts can creep up in ur head, and why should I then be able to compare his looks with my husband's. And my husband is very handsome by the way!! Better not to.

tichellady

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 4:48 pm

amother wrote:

A person is a not a dessert.
We have no idea if aishet Potiphar was beautiful or not, and she fell for him, not the other way around. He refused to sleep with her and she couldn't accept that.

Is that a hypothetical question or real question? If it's real, I think it depends on many factors. I would not want someone to hire or not hire because of my looks but because of my personality and skills. I would try not to isolate looks when making this decision. Especially since when it comes to affairs it's not like it's only good looking people sleeping around. My husband works with many women in his office, I hope he sees them as human beings, not objects or desserts. I work with men and we all treat each other with respect and professionalism.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 4:51 pm

Tichellady, as far as I remember learning (and I may be wrong, I've been out of school for years) yosef was very tempted but when he saw the image of his father, he fled. Can anyone confirm either way? And truthfully there may be many diff ways to look at this story.

tichellady

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 4:56 pm

amother wrote:

That's a midrash. It's always bothered me because in the pshat it's super clear that she is the temptress and he is innocent. You are right there are many ways to look at the story, but the point I was trying to make is that we are not told that she is beautiful, and that issues arise when people are not Gd fearing (or loyal to their spouse or to respectful of someone else's marriage ) not because of their looks.

amother

Denim

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 8:21 pm

tichellady wrote:

So why are there laws about yichud at all?? Are they just for non Gd fearing people? No they are for everyone!

We all need fences. No man should be alone in his house with a pretty Nanny (or any nanny) and a couple little kids. No one! It doesn't mean he isn't trust worthy. It just means he is human

tichellady

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 8:41 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not sure why you are bringing Yichud into this. I am assuming that the husband will be keeping Yichud. The op didn't ask about Yichud she asked about a pretty nanny. Looks have nothing to do with Yichud.

London wife

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 8:44 pm

There is a reason why we have the laws of yichud.
I'm sure all you moms out there have g-d fearing husbands, but as history has proven, whether it was Adam and Chava or Yosef Hatzadik, when inticed, even the holiest of holy ended up sinning.
By following halacha you won't have any regrets - it's that simple

amother

Denim

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 8:45 pm

tichellady wrote:

You misunderstood me. I wasn't say no again bc of Yichud. I was saying that the person I quoted said that only non Gd fearing ppl need to be concerned about being with a pretty lady. No, everyone should be concerned. We all need fences!! My example was that the fence of yichud was made for everyone, not just non Gd fearing ppl. Did I explain what I meant better this time? I was not just repeating my first post!

tichellady

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 8:46 pm

London wife wrote:

This is driving me crazy. Yosef didn't sin with Potiphars wife. Not sure why you are remembering the end of the sorry incorrectly. It seems this story is not taught well...

tigerwife

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 8:47 pm

tichellady wrote:

People are bringing up Yichud because no matter how trustworthy and faithful a man is, he still halachically cannot be alone with another woman. In this case, op is not asking about Halacha and we don't even know that yichud would ever occur. However, many posters are bringing it up as an example that no one is infallible.

My own opinion? I'm pretty comfortable with my looks so I don't know that it would bother me that much. However, if she dressed provocatively, then that would be a different story.

amother

Copper

Tue, Feb 21 2017, 8:49 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Maybe you find her ugly and he doesn't.
Maybe he's an adult not a child with candy.
Maybe he has halacha...

My answer: yes because he has no interest in others bh.

I dont know you personally, but do we really know anyone's (even the holiest Rabbis and seemingly best husbands etc) level of self control etc with 100% certainty?????

No one knows it of themselves, and certainly not others'.