For those who make their daughter wear tights after age 3

amother

Gold

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 10:04 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

I can't believe all of you who make it sound like OP's DH is crazy. Every man has his chumras & this is a normal chumra that many people hold of. She asked for advice & not for an opinion on her husband. For all you know you might have caused her shalom Bayis issues.
I agree that together you should go talk to a rav. Maybe ask your DH if he would agree to thigh highs.
You should try out different companies till you find something she's comfortable in.

I think the issue is when a man is insisting on a chumrah that a. makes no sense logically b. is about causing upset/ discomfort to a little child in the name of being "frum" c. confusing being frum with being non thinking and doing what others "do" even though it makes no sense. Seriously, there is no reason on earth to make this into an issue with a child and its frumkeit run amok.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 10:42 pm

Didn't read all the replies. My daughter hates how tights feel. She'd rather wear knee socks to school even if it's freezing out. I can empathize because I found many things uncomfortable as a child, and due to complete lack of awareness on the topic, my mother forced me to wear itchy sweaters etc, bec she just couldn't understand it. Like my sister said, it ruined the whole entire day when we were dressed in something itchy. So I agree with the posters who wrote about that. Unless you've gone through it yourself, you won't understand. Honestly if I felt something was a complete tznius violation (can't even imagine what) that my daughter couldn't handle, I'd have to ask a shaila from a rav who really understands (does that exist?)

amother

Cerise

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 10:51 pm

my dd's wear tights from the age of 3. (2.5 for those who have bdays in april! as I started before the winter).
I put them on my girls early on b/c I know a bunch of ladies/girls who had such issue with starting later in life. If I knew my girls would be tznius without them, I would probably not mind knee socks. However, a day doesnt go by where I dont see a girl running, riding bike, or sitting indian style with her legs and more exposed. Little kids are little, so this helps them be more tzanua.
Most probably your dd is picking up on your discomfort with this. In your case, maybe you should re-evaluate with your DH, if this is not something you keep yourself, then you cant ask your 3 year old to do it.
I give my dd's a choice of lycra or cotton in the summer. some chose cotton for the breathability, some chose lycra b/c they are thinner. I also buy all colorful & cute patterns in the summer when they are not in uniform.
I send my girls to a school where most of the parent body abides by this standard. I also try to send them to camps where they will not be the only ones. And a great side benefit is that I teach them to stand up for themselves on the unusual occasion where another child makes fun of them.
I live in lakewood

amother

Gray

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 10:58 pm

I'm going to ignore the ignorant comments of the amother above me and answer the op's question.

Tights at 3 is a chassidish minhag having to do with Chinuch. Most of those who do it do not believe that the child has to be covered up all the time since there are no halacha problems. I put on tights but I let my kids go around in pjs, to the pool without socks etc until 5.

I put my kids on thick cotton tights and I don't care if others don't like it. I enjoy the benefit of no scraped knees all summer long. I think it is gross to see girls legs and undies all summer long due to the fact that most of the girl's dresses are short and wide.

If the child is very sensory and can't handle it, then you shouldn't be makpid. Personally, I feel more put together and comfortable with tights and my kids never complained about being hot.

gold21

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 11:20 pm

amother wrote:

So to get around the scraped knees/ exposed undies issues, what people do around here is keep little girls in pants/shorts/ leggings until age 4/5- can be worn under a skirt or by itself.

By the time a girl starts kindergarten, pants/leggings are not really worn alone- the girls are all in skirts- but the girls often choose to wear leggings under their skirts.

Anyway, I wear tights all winter long without any problems, and I never wore tights as a kid, so I don't know if I buy that theory.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 11:26 pm

gold21 wrote:

Its ok if you dont get it. Just move along to the next post.

cholenteater

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 11:28 pm

Op regarding the sensory issues with the tights- is it the material or the toe line? I tried many materials (my high school was strict about tights) and finally figured out that I was able to handle tights inside out. After a few months I was able to switch back and "train" myself, but to this day if I have a hole on the bottom of my tights or the line by the toe moves, I stop whatever I'm doing to fix it. I try to be as subtle as possible Very Happy

Maybe it would work to try tights that don't have a line? Another thing that might help is to loosen the elastic by the waist- not too much that it will fall down, but enough that she doesn't feel the line on her stomach. I used to make small cuts in mine if I bought control top by mistake! LOL

Other than that, you can help her transition to tights by buying the same material of the socks that she has been wearing before switching to the usual tights material. Then it feels like longer socks!

gold21

Wed, Feb 22 2017, 11:30 pm

amother wrote:

Its ok if you dont get it. Just move along to the next post.

Haha. Lol. Wink

But whhhyyyy. Im sooooo curious about the reason. OK I get that I'm a bit clueless on this topic but it's really making me so curious. OK fine I'll shut up. Oh well, cuz I am still so curious. LOL

poelmamosh

Thu, Feb 23 2017, 12:02 am

gold21 wrote:

Haha. Lol. Wink

But whhhyyyy. Im sooooo curious about the reason. OK I get that I'm a bit clueless on this topic but it's really making me so curious. OK fine I'll shut up. Oh well, cuz I am still so curious. LOL

Because there are different opinions in halacha as to the appropriate age: 3 (according to SAH and I think also the MB) or older (7? The Chazon Ish? I'm not sure).

We do the former--knees, legs, elbows from age 3. So when DD was turning 3, I had a choice: buy skirts long enough to wear with knee socks, or tights with current wardrobe (dresses & skirts that were knees length, on average). It seemed less restrictive to go with (cotton, comfy) tights than long skirts Didn't even think of leggings+skirt, since it was way before those were "in" but I'd totally do it now...

amother

Orchid

Thu, Feb 23 2017, 12:06 am

I wear tights since I am Three years old. In the shine or snow. The school I went to that was the rule. And that is also the minhag from our chasidus. I didn't die. At home I don't wear anything on my legs because I can't stand it.

abound

Thu, Feb 23 2017, 12:12 am

my daughters were super excited to be big kids and wear tights. To be honest, I had to force myself to smile and make a big deal about it in the beginning but then I just got used to it.
If she is sensory then it would be different, but then it would be just as much of a problem in the winter. My daughter is not sensory just is uncomfortable in certain fabrics or designs, so I shop around and by trial and error get her the tights she needs.
If she is in a school where lots of girls are doing it, and you have a good attitude then she should be okay, unless she has severe sensory issues.

amother

Natural

Thu, Feb 23 2017, 12:26 am

I do not make my daughter wear tights, she happens to wear the cotton ones in the winter for weekday and the nicer ones on shabbos in the winter, but not any other time. I do understand the tights only cuz in the summer when I'm outside I thinks its gross that I'm constantly seeing all the little girls underwear. I know in one school I heard the teachers complained that their teaching chumash and they see the girls underwear all day, so they extended the tights only rule to some younger grades.

Aylat

Thu, Feb 23 2017, 1:22 am

Why is it gross to see a 3 yr old's legs or underwear?? Or even a 6 yr old's? Elementary school children should be taught to be aware of how they are sitting and to sit modestly. But to call it gross seems completely out of perspective.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Feb 23 2017, 1:28 am

Aylat wrote:

So is covering your legs to avoid seeing what between them.

tichellady

Thu, Feb 23 2017, 1:40 am

Aylat wrote:

This!!!

When I was a kid, I wore shorts under my skirts so I could sit as I pleased without worrying about flashing anyone. That's much more comfortable than tights

moonstone

Thu, Feb 23 2017, 1:58 am

Blessing1 wrote:

I can't believe all of you who make it sound like OP's DH is crazy. Every man has his chumras & this is a normal chumra that many people hold of.
...

"Normal chumra"? There's a contradiction in terms if I ever heard one.

Forcing little girls to wear tights in the summer seems so cruel to me. Just the thought of wearing tights in a hot, sticky Israeli summer almost makes me break out in a rash.

Tablepoetry

Thu, Feb 23 2017, 1:59 am

Today there are leggings which offer the same modesty as tights but are so much more comfortable. There is no halachic excuse to force a kid into tights (rather than leggings), it's just a cultural and social way of conforming.
For families who don't think the whole leg needs to be covered, there are shorts. I always put my little girls in shorts when they wore dresses. Much more hygenic; their bare skin doesn't need to be exposed to the sandbox or the public bench.

Iymnok

Thu, Feb 23 2017, 4:33 am

There there is no "Gil chinuch" there is a range. Ages three to 9.
This is because each child matures differently and each mitzvah and mnhag can only be started at a different age. The child has o be physically and emotionally ready.
(Ex, A child who just started to talk does not need to say brachos)
The issur yichud with a girl is age 3, that may be where that age is chosen from.