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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers
Convincing to Listen



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amother
Navy


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 9:12 am
How do you convince a 2 and a half year old to listen to you? He's too young for prize charts, and while he likes stickers, that doesn't always work. I can often redirect him, but I don't want him to never realize he needs to listen. What if it's something critical like running into the street or taking a knife? So very nice I can keep him calm and happy by never needing to tell him "No," but then he doesn't learn that my saying "No" must be obeyed. So how do you find the balance?
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 10:40 am
I'm very curious what others have to say about this. It's something I've been wondering about as well.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 10:58 am
A firm NO! With direct eye contact and remove him from the room.
In his room with the door closed for one minute is often enough.

1-2-3 Magic can be used with this age.
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 11:08 am
amother wrote:
How do you convince a 2 and a half year old to listen to you? He's too young for prize charts, and while he likes stickers, that doesn't always work. I can often redirect him, but I don't want him to never realize he needs to listen. What if it's something critical like running into the street or taking a knife? So very nice I can keep him calm and happy by never needing to tell him "No," but then he doesn't learn that my saying "No" must be obeyed. So how do you find the balance?

He's still a baby, so you still need to supervise him carefully and control his environment so that he can't get a knife or run into the street. Right now it's your responsibility, not his. As you cross the street holding hands, you talk to him about always holding Mommy's hand when crossing the street because cars are in the street and we have to be careful.

Longer term, you build up your relationship with your child and meet all his physical and emotional needs so that he comes to trust you and rely on you, and he listens to you out of trust. It won't get you 100% compliance - nothing will because he is an independent human being with free will - but *realizing that he needs to listen* just because you are his parent comes much, much later.

I highly recommend reading/listening to Gordon Neufeld. http://neufeldinstitute.org/
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 11:14 am
Honestly I think this sort of thing needs to be taught early, as early as 6-8 months when they start crawling and perhaps getting into things they shouldn't. It keeps building as they get older
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amother
Puce


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 11:23 am
Me too!! I would love advice... I often find myself getting so frustrated at my 2.5 yr old that I scream at him (something I regret a few minutes later) Would love some positive advice. My DC can be so so so difficult at times...
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 11:34 am
5*Mom nailed it. You need to lower your expectations and learn some new techniques that are age appropriate.
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 11:51 am
pesek zman wrote:
Honestly I think this sort of thing needs to be taught early, as early as 6-8 months when they start crawling and perhaps getting into things they shouldn't. It keeps building as they get older

At 6-8 months when they start crawling and get into things they shouldn't you pick them up and put them down somewhere else. And then you move the things you don't want them to get into. Starting with the no's this early is a recipe for disaster - and for being ignored for years to come.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 12:52 pm
1-2-3 Magic does work at this age, and well.

Furthermore, it is your responsibility to make sure the environment is safe for your child. Obviously, sometimes they get into something they shouldn't once in a while - I shout 'no' in those situations that are obviously dangerous (running into the street, picking up a knife). I never ever shout otherwise. And if I say anything after the 'no', it is not shouted. The reason is because if you never shout, and you shout suddenly in a dangerous situation, the child usually freezes, which is what you need. For reference, I can count on my fingers the number of times that I have shouted at my kid like this in the 4 years of her life. It is reserved for dangerous situations only. We make sure to childproof and supervise enough otherwise that this happens once every couple of months, and that's it.

Dangerous situations aside though. There are still times you need to say no (e.g., my kid tried to rip my book). Children need to learn boundaries. The trick is to provide and enforce boundaries in a firm but gentle manner. No yelling. No hitting. But set boundaries and have reasonable rules. That's why 1-2-3 Magic works so well. It not only teaches my daughter what the rules are, but teaches her self control as well.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 1:35 pm
What is 123-Magic
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 1:39 pm
A really good parenting book, which can be used from ages 2-12.

https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-M.....988X/

We started using it with our daughter around age 2 and quarter or so. Works like a charm. She is now a well-behaved 4 year old. Not perfect obviously, but she is easy to handle with these methods.
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