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My son needs help!



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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 1:36 pm
I think we need a recommendation of a child psychologist.
My son just turned 5 and is in kindergarten. He hates school. has been unhappy all year, and asks me to get him early, so I pick him up like a half hour early as a bribe to get him to go in the morning. The past 2 days he was literally screaming and crying when I dropped him off.

At home, he isn't totally typical either. He clearly has sensory issues, as he mouths toys. He was always and still is a big toucher. Touches everything he sees. Even if it doesn't belong to him.
He also has problems expressing his emotions. He is very articulate with all other matters,and he speaks very maturely with a high vocabulary. But when he will get angry or sad or feel bad he will react with the words, shut up. It might be something that we didn't see what happened, and he will come in the room and say shut up with an angry face. When I ask if something happened he says, shut up and slams the door.
Of course we told him we don't speak that way, but this the way he continues to convey his anger.

Also, even in camp this past summer, he would prefer to stay home. He never cried about going, but would prefer to be home.
He also is a big provoker. Always bothering his siblings, and classmates. He will tease his older brother and will randomly poke his classmates.

We had him evaluated and he is supposed to get OT and SEIT beginning next wk.
I am still concerned that we need a psychologist or more..

If anyone has any insight , I would be most appreciative.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 2:28 pm
Bumping it up
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 2:38 pm
where are you located? this might help someone make a recommendation.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 2:40 pm
Read the explosive child and take a look at Ross Green's website. http://www.livesinthebalance.org/

He really gives such great information and ideas for how to work with difficult kids.
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 2:48 pm
amother wrote:
I think we need a recommendation of a child psychologist.
My son just turned 5 and is in kindergarten. He hates school. has been unhappy all year, and asks me to get him early, so I pick him up like a half hour early as a bribe to get him to go in the morning. The past 2 days he was literally screaming and crying when I dropped him off.

At home, he isn't totally typical either. He clearly has sensory issues, as he mouths toys. He was always and still is a big toucher. Touches everything he sees. Even if it doesn't belong to him.
He also has problems expressing his emotions. He is very articulate with all other matters,and he speaks very maturely with a high vocabulary. But when he will get angry or sad or feel bad he will react with the words, shut up. It might be something that we didn't see what happened, and he will come in the room and say shut up with an angry face. When I ask if something happened he says, shut up and slams the door.
Of course we told him we don't speak that way, but this the way he continues to convey his anger.

Also, even in camp this past summer, he would prefer to stay home. He never cried about going, but would prefer to be home.
He also is a big provoker. Always bothering his siblings, and classmates. He will tease his older brother and will randomly poke his classmates.

We had him evaluated and he is supposed to get OT and SEIT beginning next wk.
I am still concerned that we need a psychologist or more..

If anyone has any insight , I would be most appreciative.


What does he say when you ask him why he doesn't like school? What does the teacher say?
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 3:13 pm
Does he have friends at school? Does he have friends outside of school? Having friends in class goes a long way in making the day pleasant.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 3:44 pm
Definitely take him to a psychologist too. Even fi he has sensory issues, and even if those were the original reason he didn't like camp or school, he now has a lot of emotion tied up in it. Just dealing with the sensory issues in OT won't fix his bad emotions towards school or at home, and a psychologist can help him learn to handle his emotions better, in parallel to the OT helping him handle his sensory issues better.

For reference, I was somewhat like this as a kid, and a psychologist made all the difference.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 4:05 pm
Thank you all for taking the time to reply. To the one who suggested the explosive child, Ive read it. And many many other parenting books.
To the one who asked if he has friends, I think he does. His teacher and the other ppl that work in the school claim he is happy when he is there. Though he does roll around during circle time, and poke the boys during other activities. But sometimes he plays well with the boys.
I would love a recommendation for a psychologist. I am in NY.
To the one who was like this as a child can you share more of your experience?

Another important feature of my son is that he is very very needy for attention. Thrives on 1:1. Doesn't like it when others join..I have another child like that and others who aren't so I am sure his neediness is atypical.

Any insight??
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 4:31 pm
Hmm, well, I was 6 really, already in first grade. My undiagnosed sensory issues and undiagnosed ADHD made school terrible for me. Everything was uncomfortable physically and I couldn't sit still in class. I had some friends, but I didn't feel that I was really doing well socially, because I was teased or excluded sometimes for being weird. Even if the adults didn't notice I had a problem, the other kids definitely did. I had frequent tantrums at home (not age appropriate behavior in first grade). The teachers didn't like my fidgeting (a result of both sensory issues and ADHD) and were always 'picking on me' -they were just tellign me to sit up straight, hold my pencil better, stop playing with my eraser etc - but these were the ways I dealt with my snesory issues and ADHD. So I was also miserable because the teachers were not relating to me well - they told me off for small thigs which weren't bothering anyone else, and did it 3 times more than they told off the other kids. I was not disruptive and got good grades. Eventually, I became depressed, because nothing was being done to help me cope. Aside from getting an IEP for school and such, which helped me manage better in the classroom and gave my teachers some ways to help me, I still had a ton of emotional baggage and lacked the skills to regulate my emotions. I saw a really good child psychologist who helped me deal with the emotional baggage I was carryign around, and taught me to manage by emotions and subsequent behavior better. OT and an IEP could not have done that.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 4:41 pm
Thank you fuschia for sharing. You do sound like your experience is similar to my sons!
Is the psychologist you used still around?
I know he has the same problem with his teacher. Do you think I should have his class switched?
Was there anything your parents could have done to help you?
How did you behave at home with your siblings?

Thank you for your insight : )
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 8:45 pm
bump
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 9:32 pm
Having a panic about being in school is a big red flag for abuse. I would discontinue school until that is clarified and you have had an evaluation. The other symptoms can be from abuse, or they can be unrelated. My son had all those symptoms and was abused.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 23 2017, 9:36 pm
OP, can you ask to stay and observe for one morning? Or get an outside observer?
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 5:22 am
amother wrote:
Thank you fuschia for sharing. You do sound like your experience is similar to my sons!
Is the psychologist you used still around?
I know he has the same problem with his teacher. Do you think I should have his class switched?
Was there anything your parents could have done to help you?
How did you behave at home with your siblings?

Thank you for your insight : )


My old psychologist is not around anymore.

In terms of problems with the teacher - it's hard to say whether switching would help, as it could be that another teacher will be same. Or better. Or worse. First, you should talk to the OT or anyone else who is providing therapy to your son to ask what suggestions you can give the teacher. Then, you should set a meeting with the teacher and principal together if possible to brainstorm ways to help your son. Make the meeting goal oriented, not about calling out the teacher for what's already going on. If the teacher is really not willing to help in the meeting, set a separate meeting with the principal later to discuss changing classes (if you do it in front of the teacher, she may get defensive and in the way).

I don't think my parents did much else except try to get me the therapies I needed. And learn better parenting techniques for high need / hypersensitive kids. Ask the OT for guidance on this too, as well as the psychologist when you find one.

As for siblings, other kids etc., I wasn't a provoker (most of the time). Some of it was just acting out because I didn't know how to manage my feelings, or my sensory issues. Some of it was because I wanted them to pay attention to me or play with me, but didn't know how to initiate that in a healthy way - a psychologist can help teach these skills as well. I tended to boss around the younger ones, but didn't have any older siblings, so things played out differently than in your situation.
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 24 2017, 9:08 am
My son is six and has nearly identical issues. We are dealing with school refusal, touching other kids, playing rough, very clingy, explodes and has meltdowns etc...

I started OT with him Sukkos time. It is helping him a lot. He started playing more on his own. He started doing activities he never used to like.

I found that the book the difficult child and the explosive child helped me understand him better and communicate better with him.

About school. I have a chart for him. Every day he goes to school be gets a sticker and than he gets a toy (of his choice). I was also doing a treat when he came home. I pick him up every day bec he hates the bus and it is sort of a compromise. At some point I was picking him up every day @ 12 and we kept moving the time. This is all on professional advice.

His OT recommended the book the out of sync child has fun. I let him play in boxes and this helps him ground himself.

My son has sensory, balance and focusing issues according to his OT.

I am trying to get him evaluated for adhd. That can help pinpoint better what the problem is.

I am in the process of trying to figure this all out.

Interestingly he also had above average vocabulary like your son. You can pm me.
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