Anxiety in Children

LittleDucky

Sat, Feb 25 2017, 11:07 pm

Read the book "whole brain child". It's great for helping kids who have difficulty regulating emotions or had a trauma and how to be a better parent to them.
They talk about "clueing in" their logical upper brain (vs instinctual, reactive lower brain). Have them talk about it as much as they need to. Some kids will say the same story a bunch of times. Don't judge what she says, don't dismiss her concerns or fears. Reflect what she says and let her process it. Validate her.

Daughter:"Mom, I won't go to Shaindy's house"
Mom: is there a reason why you don't want to go?
D: you can't make me!
M: if you don't want to go, you don't have to. But I can see you are upset about something. Want to share?
D: what if there are peanuts?
M: hmm. What if there are peanuts?
D: I don't know. I won't go!
M: hmm. Let's think about it.
D: I guess I can call her mom to remind her to not bake with them.
M: great plan!
D: and I will bring my epi-pen and show her mom what to do. And I will put your cell number on it so they can call you ASAP.
M: wow! Great ideas! Before we call her mom, anything else you are worried about?
(Let her talk about how scared she was etc...)

Retread your OP that it was specifically darkness and thinking about it. So have a similar conversation about darkness, what she can do, what will make her feel better...

amother

Wheat

Sun, Feb 26 2017, 2:28 pm

I have a life threatening allergy, which happened when I was little.

First, you should site down with her and make an allergy action plan. Severe allergic reactions are very scary, and one of the scariest parts, especially as a kid, is that you feel like you have no control over it - you don't know when you might encounter your allergen, what to do if you do encounter it.

Steps:
1) Identifying situations where she may encounter her allergen: The first part of the allergy action plan involves discussing what the allergy is to, and what she should do to maker sure she knows whether she will encounter it. So first, teach her what her allergen might be in (e.g., if she is allergic to latex, talk to her about stickers, doctor's gloves, balloons, etc. If she is allergic to nuts, so talk to her about checking foods at meal times and which foods are likely to have nuts, but that all food has to be checked).

2) How to handle a situation that might have her allergen to prevent exposure: Since she is young, you need to brainstorm with her about how you will help protect her, and teach her to protect herself. For you protecting her, tell her that you will let her friend's parents know, her teachers know (all teachers, even the gym teacher and art teacher etc), or anywhere else she might go and encounter it (but she should still remind them). To teach her to protect herself, you need to roleplay with her about what she will do in a situation with her allergen. For example, if it's to nuts, then roleplay mealtime at a friends (e.g., Hi, I have an allergy to X, did my mom check with you about the food? Can you or I call her to talk to her about it now? Or can I read the ingredients for the food you are serving?), roleplay a snack at school, or a birthday party. The roleplaying helps. it is really daunting for a small child to go to someone's house and start asking them questions about every detail of the dinner plate sitting right in front of you. She can learn to be comfortable with it, but practice with you first. Also, braintstorm other ideas. If she is allergic to latex, and is concerned that if she falls at school, that the nurse may have latex gloves or bandaids with latex, then send her with a bag of latex-free gloves and latex-free bandaids in her backpack every day. If she is allergic to eggs, then if there will be a party in school, or a birthday party at someone's house, or a meal out, pack her her own food to take and eat with her.

3) Make a plan to keep allergy 'equipment' with her at all times: Your daughter needs a plan to make sure she has relevant allergy medications and epipen or inhaler and nebulizer with her at all times. Get a few epipens, by the way - it makes things easier and may be lifesaving. Tell her that you will keep one in your purse all the time. Show her where it is. Give one to her teacher - insist it be kept in the classroom, and not at the nurse - the time it takes to get it could be the difference between a life threatening situation and not one. Brainstorm with your daughter about how she can keep one with her at all times - I wore a fanny pack with my epipen when I was little. They make more discreet cases now (search online, they make great products these days). If she knows she has an epipen at arms reach all the time, she can be calmer. If she just needs to carry around bendaryl or an inhaler, the same rules apply. (Also, when I was young, in school and camp, we weren't really supposed to keep medicine with us on our own. But, my mother knew that if we had to get to the nurse, or even a teacher or counselor, it would make the difference between a minor reaction and a severe reaction. So, I kept it with me at all times, at didn't tell them that I had it. Consider doing this too).

4) How to react in an emergency: If she has a reaction, she should be taught how to use her allergy equipment. Teach her what symptoms represent an actual emergency, and which don't (some anxiety comes around being afraid you might be having an allergy attack, when you are not, but you panic since you aren't sure). Then, write up a simple plan with pictures about what to do if she has real emergency symptoms. Have 'dry runs' where she uses a training epipen or inhaler or nebulizer so she knows how to use it. Allow her to teach her friends and siblings too (this will calm her because others will know how to react, and because in teaching others, she will feel more comfortable about using it herself). Tell her that all teachers, counselors, babysitters, etc will get instructions which contain where to find the equipment/medication and how to use it. Instruct her that after the epipen is used, that she should instruct whoever is with her to call 911 (this is necessary, even if she feels better!) or go to a phone and do it herself - practice this also and what to say (not with actual 911, but a pretend call with you). Help her know where a phone will be in most situations - in school, instruct her to go to the office. At home, she should know where the phone is.

5) Have a handout she can give the responsible adults in her life, including paramedics: Something like this is very useful. Just having it and giving it to the adults around (teachers, babysitters, etc.), and keeping extra in her backpack or with allergy meds/equipment can be calming. Some options (some have 2 pages, print them back-front):
(a) https://www.allergy.org.au/ima.....5.pdf
(b) https://www.epipen.com/-/media.....n.pdf
(c) https://www.foodallergy.org/fi.....n.pdf
(d) http://foodallergycanada.ca/wp.....5.pdf

Lastly, do get her to therapy as soon as you can.

Also, a discussion with an allergist who deals with kids may also help her( I recommend talking to the allergist yourself first, about what might be said to make sure it will be helpful)