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To take him or not?



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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 26 2017, 11:12 am
My sister is making a bar mitzvah in a few weeks, between Purim and Pesach. It's out of town and a long trip by driving. It's not possible for my whole family to go, my husband will stay home with our 2 yr old. I'm planning on taking my 6 year-old who has been demonstrating maturity, but we are at a loss about what to do with my 4.5 yr old son.

He can be very mature, but he's also a hand-ful at times. My DH doesn't think taking him is smart.

He's also prone to being very nervous and I can imagine that the separation from me and his brother for a whole weekend will be a lot for him to handle, and I will never hear the end of it--he's very smart and has a scary-strong memory. I think it will be nice for him to spend time with his cousins-likely including one that's his age.

On the other hand he's been particularly difficult recently, I tend to handle him better than my husband when we're home. However, when he's by himself, he can be pleasant. When he's together with my 2 yr-old he can be very dependent and clingy, whiny etc.

I posed the prospect of the trip to him and while he says he wants to go, his behavior hasn't been worthy of going, but I'm not sure that leaving him home will improve his behavior.
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Sun, Feb 26 2017, 1:04 pm
Take him.

From what you're saying, it's easier for YOU to leave him, but better for HIM to take him.

If you and DH mentally pictured this as a vacation for you, I'd reframe it and take a vacation a different time.

(Had a similar situation, made the other choice, regretted it.)
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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 26 2017, 7:43 pm
That was my initial thought process, but because of his "nervous" nature, he's been REALLY pushing the limit the last 2 days. Initially I thought giving him a "change of scenery" would do him some good. But the last few days him and his brother have been really egging each other on in inappropriate ways. I think a few days away from each other might do them some good. I was really hoping the incentive of taking him on a "big boy trip" would be motivating for him--but so far NO impact. The last thing I need is for him to be begging me to take him to the bathroom during the bar mitzvah boy's speech b/c he simply NEEDS me to go with him. Or having a meltdown b/c he was up too late. On the other-hand, after this bar mitzvah, there's only 1 more cousin that's out-of-town to have a bar mitzvah and that's 3 years away. (Iy"H there are 3 more bar mitzvahs in the NYC area). It's not so much about the "vacation" aspect, as just not totally ruining my trip. I'm SO torn. I don't want this to be a "punishment" but he's demonstrating that he's just NOT mature enough to go. I initially was supposed to go myself, but I thought my older son would enjoy the trip. Then I thought, how can I take one and not the other. But lately they have been misbehaving together and fighting together.
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thanks




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 26 2017, 8:13 pm
I say don't take him. He'll be fine. He's staying with his father and other siblings. He will give you a hard time, but if you stay firm, I'm sure he'll be fine.
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