Missing work for purim play

amother

Lilac

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 10:26 pm

I know I have to go. I know its more important to be there for my 3 year old. But its sooo frustrating to have to take off a morning of work. I'm paid by the hour. Do I really have to give up over $100 for a purim play???
Anyways, I have days off that I could use from my afternoon job. Is it very wrong to use a paid day off the afternoon of the play and go to my other (morning) job, which the hours are flexible and I won't be paid otherwise?
And is it worse if my boss from my afternoon job finds out that I took off to go to my other job?

amother

Amber

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 10:36 pm

Its none of your boss's business what you do with your paid time off - if the paid time off is 'owed' to you. That said - if taking this particular afternoon off is causing a great inconvenience to your employer - you might want to rethink this. (I get a certain amount of days off - but there a 'black out days when employees cannot take a day off).

But I'm confused. You are going to take paid time off for the afternoon job to work your morning job in the afternoon on the day of the play?

Simple1

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 10:45 pm

I don't look at it as lost money. As a parent, these days off are inevitable part of having children. It can be hard if you work in a job where you have to make special arrangements or find a sub. It doesn't sound like it's like that for you.

Enjoy the time with your child.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 11:32 pm

Flip side view. As a teacher, I would think its neglectful to miss a child's play.
I would leave work for an hour or two and go back to work afterwards. The child is Bh not a nebach and don't make him feel like one.
Again if you really can't afford it then maybe don't come

amother

Lilac

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 11:34 pm

amother wrote:

But I'm confused. You are going to take paid time off for the afternoon job to work your morning job in the afternoon on the day of the play?

Yes

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 11:46 pm

amother wrote:

And then teachers complain that their salaries are low. And we don't show hakaras hatov with nice MM, Channukah gelt, end of year $$$.... Maybe make these plays on a SUNDAY.

amother

Pink

Mon, Feb 27 2017, 11:56 pm

Please please go. Im exactly in ur position, working full time and every penny counts. My nursery daughter made a small performance and mother daughter time. I was also debating but then Boruch Hashem I went. My daughter was like "mommy you really came? You didnt go to work to come to my play" she was in total shock and I was devestated that she had this awful feeling that I wont come even though we spoke about it before that I will make sure to come.
Take off from work even if it means u lose the pay..... No price tag on a little girls broken heart.....
I try to schedule whatever I can for out of work hours even if it means lesser quality service of doctors, wig stylist etc. I save my skipping work for school productions. When all mothers come its heartbreaking for whoevers mother isnt there because of work.

seeker

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:09 am

I would greatly appreciate if they could do at least some of the special events/performances on legal holidays or Sundays! To the teacher - I agree that as a parent it would be neglectful for me to skip unless there were really truly no way to make it (or at least to send a grandmother or someone to stand-in for you) However, you make it seem like no big deal. IT IS A BIG DEAL for a lot of people! Not every job is flexible. Not every employer is going to put up with "just running out for an hour or two" especially when it starts to be more than one kid on different days on top of also taking off erev chag and things like that. And it's not "just leaving work for an hour or two" either. Most people do NOT work on the same block as the school. The event itself is an hour or more (plus half the time my kid's school dismisses the class right after.) Then you need to add commute time. Then you also need to account for timing because I keep finding that they schedule these things for something like 10:30 a.m. which means that it's not even worth going to work because by the time you get there you have to leave again in order to be sure you get to the play in time (lest teacher amother accuse you of neglectfully making your kid worry and making everyone wait or missing the part...) And by the time you get back it's afternoon, or if you're a part-time worker your day may as well be over. And even if it were just an hour - my friend's office's policy is that days are counted by halves. You're allowed to take off a half-day and not use up a full sick/personal day, but there's no "just an hour" - if you miss any of it, there goes that half-day. So she automatically needs to take time from work. PLUS it has to fit neatly into the halves - you can't just say I'm here for 4 hours so that's half a day. It HAS to be 9-1 or 1-5. So if your kid's play doesn't fit neatly on either side of that then she loses the whole day's work.

I'm lucky in that I have the flexibility to not get fired over things like this, but I do lose money on school scheduling conflicts. So I'm kvetching more on principle than on my own behalf. I think schools should be more realistic about "how the other half lives."

I think it actually makes a lot of sense to go to the play in the morning, do your morning work in the afternoon, and take the day off from the afternoon. Your paid days off are yours to choose. Of course you might net an unpaid day off in the end if you're sick and you ran out of days, but for now that would seem to work.

amother

Amber

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:09 am

amother wrote:

And then teachers complain that their salaries are low. And we don't show hakaras hatov with nice MM, Channukah gelt, end of year $$$.... Maybe make these plays on a SUNDAY.

if teachers are already complaining that their salaries are low... its not right to ask them to work an extra half day (Sunday).

amother

Amber

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:19 am

amother wrote:

Yes

Got it. interesting that you can do that.

Is 3 year old's dad in the picture? Does he feel any pressure to go to this play?

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:20 am

As if teachers get to choose when to make these plays. It's usually a co-ordination by the higher-ups in school.

seeker

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:26 am

amother wrote:

As if teachers get to choose when to make these plays. It's usually a co-ordination by the higher-ups in school.

I don't think anyone's blaming the teachers. It is a problematic situation, though.
One possible compromise I've seen some schools do is to make the performances first thing in the morning. Like 8:30. The SAHMs consider this a huuuuge hassle which I totally relate to because I am NOT a morning person, to say the least. But for the parents working at more pressured jobs, this is pretty much the only way - it's a LOT easier to excuse arriving an hour or so late than to leave in middle of the day especially when you account for the necessary travel time. The teachers and kids are there at that time anyway.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:27 am

The timing of these performances is a throwback to the days when most women didn't work outside the home. Even now, how's a SAHM supposed to go to these events unless she has a babysitter for her younger ones? I always felt like the teachers looked down on me for not being home with full-time help.

This is one of those times when you realize that those in chinuch are often totally out of touch with real life.

oliveoil

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:56 am

It's ridiculous. The performances on school days should be first thing in the morning. It's one thing to come into work an hour or two late, it's entirely different to take a chunk out of the middle of the day.

And honestly, most of these plays are not all that much fun or beneficial for the kids. They're often a show case for the teachers.

amother

Jade

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 1:35 am

I am so thankful that my daughter's school is reasonable about things like this.

Most of the major plays (siddur, chumash, etc.) are either on Sundays or legal holidays. They do minor things like Purim workshops on school days when they figure either a parent or grandparent can show up for the child or they make special arrangements for a child whose family members really can't take off from work.

OP, I think your solution makes a lot of sense.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 1:41 am

amother wrote:

I go to every single play, performance, workshop etc., and I don't consider the possibility of not going. However, it is a big hardship for me to take off from work. And since I teach only in the morning hours and have about a half hour commute, these plays inevitably involve my missing my entire day of work. For me, there is no such thing as just leaving for an hour or two. I wish there was a better solution.

Ruchel

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 7:10 am

Many parents miss the plays.. It is good is one of them can go though. If not another parent records the play.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 7:18 am

amother wrote:

Question for teacher: I go to all the plays and workshops at school. But I put my foot down in the summer and skip the shabbos choir performances. I think it's chutzpa for the day camp (it's actually the same place that the kids go to during the school year) to invite the parents and make this pressure. (One Friday a summer for each of my children.) My kids are pretty disappointed. Dd says I always skip her plays but I never do just summer choirs but this is how she remembers things due ro disappointment. Should I overextend myself and make sure to go to these choirs too?

allthingsblue

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 8:21 am

"Neglectful" to not go to a child's play? Hardly.
If this is the first play, maybe, but if it's a Purim play. Not a monumental occasion like a siddur or Chumash play. Neglectful??? I mean, really!

amother

Lilac

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 8:25 am

I spoke to the teacher about the timing, it is up to her. She said kids often show up late so she can't make it earlier, and the kids will be jumpy so she can't make it later.