Missing work for purim play

cuties' mom

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 8:56 am

Every time I hear conversations like this, I'm so happy to have only boys. Ods goes to a yeshiva that does any event on Sunday in order to accommodate working parents, and yds only has a chanukah party every year. (I only go to school birthday parties in preschool even though yds has one every year. The school understands that if they charge so much tuition, they have to expect parents to work.) I think girl schools need to be realistic about the amount of performances they have on weekdays. I heard a few parents complain that having a kid in BY in my neighborhood is a full time job, as there are constant assemblies, performances, parties, celebrations, etc. The ironic part is that most parents consider tuition to be a major expense and a reason for working, but schools make it so hard for working parents.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 9:19 am

PS a morah just told me that she is going to her dd purim play at nesivos bais yakov. She told me to text my boss that she is going out for the play, as the morah doesn't have text messaging.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 10:43 am

amother wrote:

if teachers are already complaining that their salaries are low... its not right to ask them to work an extra half day (Sunday).

They decided to do the play. They coordinated when it will be. And then they call us awful names that we didn't go (neglectful etc) and make us feel bad.
Teachers always seem to complain they have a low salary IME, even in the better paid ones.
It's alright to make us lose up to a full day's work (times the number of working moms) but they can't work 2 extra hours on a Sunday? Or do it on one of the bazillion legal holidays my kids have school but I am off?

SixOfWands

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 10:59 am

amother wrote:

Flip side view. As a teacher, I would think its neglectful to miss a child's play.
I would leave work for an hour or two and go back to work afterwards. The child is Bh not a nebach and don't make him feel like one.
Again if you really can't afford it then maybe don't come

Do you feel the same way about fathers? Or is it only mothers who are "neglectful" if every once in a while, they have commitments that cannot be changed. Perhaps its an important work meeting or call. Or someone else called out sick.

And sometimes, its not one morning for one play. Its 4 mornings for 4 events for 4 kids.

I've never missed one of my kids' performances, and can count on one hand the number of ball games I missed pre-high school. (I'd have to add in toes for high school, but not more than that.) I was lucky enough to have a flexible job. But I recognize that people sometimes have other commitments. That's just life.

OP, I think that your plan is perfect.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:31 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Many parents miss the plays.. It is good is one of them can go though. If not another parent records the play.

Not in my kids school. There is no such a thing as missing a child's play. If the mom can't come, the grandma or the aunt or the father comes.

SixOfWands

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:48 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Not in my kids school. There is no such a thing as missing a child's play. If the mom can't come, the grandma or the aunt or the father comes.

My kids only have one aunt, and she lives several hours away. Down the street from their only remaining grandmother. We once invited a lovely neighbor to grandparents' day, so my DD wouldn't feel left out.

Schools need to understand that not every kid has massive close family.

amother

Tan

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 12:59 pm

I had a story that happened a few years ago. Dd was 10. School had an open house display from 12-3:30. I arranged to leave work early and I got there at 3. Car was broken, all sorts of complications. When I got there, my dd was in tears. They decided to start cleaning up the display already. I confronted the teacher, and she said the kids are getting bored, they've been presenting for a long tine already.n you need to figure out your schedule more efficiently so that your daughter knows she's more important than your work. All the other mothers managed to get here early, why not you"
I was so shocked and hurt because I had turned my schedule upside down to be there and they decided to end early.

amother

Amber

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 1:02 pm

amother wrote:

that's an obnoxious teacher speaking out of place. <hugs>

Amarante

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 3:12 pm

My mother never came because she was a teacher and certainly wouldn't take a day off from teaching because a substitute teacher is really not a replace,entvfor the real teacher

My Bubbe came and I was not traumatized by the absence of my mother. And this was in the days before many women worked outside of the home.

Realistically how many $100 days can one give up to see every single school event.

My parents came to piano recitals and shlepped us to many enriching stuff on days off and Sunday so I never felt that my parents weren't completely invested in my life. I understood that they had to work and this was the way it was.

SixOfWands

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 3:25 pm

amother wrote:

I would have completely lost it on that teacher. Kol hakavod to you that the teacher is still alive!

seeker

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 4:46 pm

Amarante wrote:

Problem is not everyone has accessible grandparents or others who could stand in for a parent who can't make it. But yes that is a good solution when it works.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 5:47 pm

amother wrote:

Curious what you would do if it was your child's play and it involved missing 2 or more hours of work (with drive time) right in the middle of your teaching hours. Is it that easy for you to take off time? Does your principal not mind? Do you not lose money from that like most people do? I am a teacher and never miss my kids' plays, but it is complicated and expensive to do that - and that's even though I only have two kids.

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 5:49 pm

My DD recently had a school play on the same morning that DH was leaving for a trip overseas. I had been planning to take the morning off to take him to the airport....instead, I drove him to the bus station and he used public transportation to get there, and I went to DD's play.

It ended up working out well - the bus went right to the terminal at Newark (anyone from Lakewood, take note: It really was so convenient, we would do this again) and the cost was much less than gas and tolls. But I admit I was a bit nervous until it all worked out, B"H.....

seeker

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 5:52 pm

amother wrote:

My little sister said who are you working for if not for your kids? So you will pay tuition to miss the kids play

Not sure what your or your sister's point is, exactly.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 5:53 pm

amother wrote:

My little sister said who are you working for if not for your kids? So you will pay tuition to miss the kids play

Things are not as black and white as you make it sound. Some people would be jeopardizing their jobs by frequently taking off for their children's plays. Some people live on a very tight budget and the loss of a day's pay makes a difference. I financially stable home is also important for children.

Also, I haven't seen too many posters arguing that mothers should skip the plays. The point people are making is that the schools should not be creating situations that put mothers in this position on a regular basis.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 5:59 pm

The worst is when teachers schedule something last-minute, a week or two before the event, and then all the other mothers come and I can't. I'm an attorney and can't move certain things around, like court dates and depositions.

Each year I email the teacher at the beginning of the year begging that they give us lots of advance notice of the school events, but they still will email to say, parents are welcome to come hear the children read their book reports or some nonsense. Luckily my DH has recently changed jobs so he is closer to school and has been able to attend. So it's him and all of the moms. But at least my child isn't the only one with no parents there!

allthingsblue

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 6:00 pm

Chayalle wrote:

For me, the upsetting part would be having to give up that planned time with my husband before he traveled overseas...
Plus, if he had any check in luggage with him, I'm sure that wasn't pleasant to deal with on the bus.

amother

Amber

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 6:08 pm

amother wrote:

My little sister said who are you working for if not for your kids? So you will pay tuition to miss the kids play

There are many reasons I work, and have been working since before my children were born. I was not put on this earth for the sole purpose of supporting my children.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Feb 28 2017, 7:13 pm

We sent to one preschool before we moved and that school made a point of scheduling school events first thing in the morning, which made it SO MUCH easier for working parents. They realized that it was a lot easier to go into work a bit late than to take more time off during the middle of the day. I appreciated it SO much!