How to nicely let cleaning lady go

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amother

Plum

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 10:47 am

I decided to let our cleaning lady go. I could make up a reason like I need someone who has different availability but it would be a lie as I haven't even recently asked her if she has other hours open. She's just really not good. She's a very nice person and I like her, but she does not clean thoroughly and the night after she comes I usually have to spend extra time putting things away--she makes things messier, not neater. Like if she folds laundry, puts things in the wrong piles in a random way that I find very frustrating. Or if she cleans the floor, she puts the pair of shoes that someone took off next to the couch ONTO the couch and leaves them there. I've tried giving exact instructions but I can't make her into someone she's not.

So... How can I end this on a nice note? She is really very nice. And I want to make a Kiddush Hashem. And I likely will keep encountering her, as she works for other people I know.

I bought a box of chocolate and I can write a card thanking her for her help over the past year or two since she started by me. I can bring that to where she'll be this afternoon. But I need to actually call her up and talk to her first. What do I say? Ideas?

English is not her first language but she understands pretty well, I think.

imasinger

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 11:02 am

You kind of remind me of a letter to Miss Manners in which the writer asked for help in wording a breakup conversation in such a way that the lady in question wouldn't feel rejected.

Miss Manners replied that she could help him to word things politely, but if the lady didn't understand that she was being rejected, the exercise would have been pointless, and would just have to be repeated.

There is not really a way to "be nice", and still get her out the door. You can, however, avoid being cruel.

You can decide between the vague ("Today will be your last day on the job; this arrangement wasn't working out for me") and the specific ("I'm very particular, and after 3 reminders about how to deal with laundry, or shoes on the couch, I need to move on.")

But there is nothing that will make this pleasant, and I am not sure that chocolates help.

tichellady

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 11:08 am

Are you asking her not to come back tomorrow? If so, maybe pay her extra for severance. She might really be counting on her salary to live so chocolates, while very sweet, may not be a comfort to her . Imasinger is right, it's a very hard and awkward thing to do.

amother

Plum

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 11:24 am

Thank you Imasinger and Tichellady.

She comes once a week usually on Tuesday or Wednesday, so I'm letting her go for next week.

I don't get the sense that she is desperate for money but I do still owe her $47.50 for one day's work (I don't usually pay in such precise increments but would normally round up when I pay her once a month) so I was thinking to add something to that money. Give her $80...?

What if I just say "We're not going to be having help for a while"--it's a lie oh dear.

What if I say "Maria, I wanted to thank you so much for all your help since our baby was born. I need to take a break for now and ask you not to come next week. Maybe we'll see in a few months"????

tichellady

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 11:32 am

If you are not planning on having her come back then just stick with the first thing you proposed, don't tell her you might have her come back if that's not actually a possibility. I would probably round to $100, but that's totally up to you.

greenfire

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 11:54 am

not sure how you can drop someone without warning ... that being said along with the chocolates add a week or two's pay as a tip & thank you saying I will no longer be needing your services

this is something you should be doing at your house - not following her to another job [perhaps ask her to stop by on her way home]

tichellady

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 12:00 pm

greenfire wrote:

I missed that and agree about not doing it at someone else's house but I also wouldn't ask her to stop by. I would wait until next week and then tell her in person (either have Her clean and tell her at the end or tell her at the beginning, don't have her clean but pay her for her time that she would have been cleaning). Do you think any feedback would be helpful? Maybe tell her you are unhappy with certain things and if she can make some changes you want to keep her but if not you will need to hire someone else? Or you think it's not going to change no matter what

greenfire

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 12:26 pm

tichellady wrote:

I would also wait - but it didn't sound like she wanted to - hence letting her go without warning [which is bugging me too]

Miri7

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 12:28 pm

The nicest thing to do is to give one or two weeks additional pay is severance so she is not missing that income while trying to find replacement work. This way you don't leave her in a lurch.

If she asks why, be honest but gentle and kind. Perhaps your feedback will help her to be more successful at her new job. If she insists that she will get better, you can again just be kind and gentle but firm and say that your decision is made and you really appreciate all that she's done for you and your family.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 12:34 pm

Sorry, but you DO NOT have to give a 2-week bonus to a bad cleaning lady who comes once a week.

Why do you need to end on a "nice" note? You don't want her back.

I'm not saying to be mean, but seriously... At the end of her last day with you, thank her very much for her work and tell her that you do not need her anymore. That's it. If you want, give her a $20 tip but not more than that.

It's not a corporate job that you need to pay her severance. She wasn't your greatest, most valuable employee who did excellent work and you can no longer afford to keep her.

Yes, she's a person, and yes, she has expenses, but the nature of that industry is frequent changes, and I am sure she's aware of that. You owe her nothing (except for the $47.50, which I don't understand how you owe ... you should always strive to pay your workers on time.)

tichellady

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 12:40 pm

amother wrote:

The woman asked for her advice for how to do it nicely. Of course she doesn't HAVE to do it nicely but since she is interested, why are you talking her out of it?

It's also not true that only corporate jobs give severance- It's common to give a small severance payment (not months or years of salary) in many small businesses, especially if notice is not given before letting someone go.

amother

Plum

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 12:52 pm

You're right, I will up it to $100. $50 is more than one week's pay. What do you guys think, is it enough notice to do it this way then? So it's kind of like I'm paying her for next week. so sort of like it's ten day's notice.

I feel bad having her come only to be told not to come back, like inviting someone on a date only to break up with them.

The person who she is working at now (where I could bring present) is my MIL. not a random neighbor. But if you guys think it is nicer, I could ask her to stop by maybe after she's done there, or another time. I also don't want to inconvenience her...

amother

Plum

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 1:04 pm

In answer to questions... Owe her money because our arrangement was I paid once a month. I wasn't always around when she came and went.

I don't think feedback would be useful to her, because if it would be she would have taken my feedback while while working for me. But it never seemed to get through.

33055

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 1:17 pm

I have a cleaning lady like this. She is a mouse who leaves her droppings everywhere. I keep making her go back and pointing it out.

OP, are you sure you can replace her this time of year?

treestump

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 2:36 pm

Squishy wrote:

I have a cleaning lady like this. She is a mouse who leaves her droppings everywhere. I keep making her go back and pointing it out.

I think this is really disrespectful. It's a smart analogy, but your cleaning lady is a person, she is not a mouse, and it's disrespectful to call her a mouse who leaves droppings.

SixOfWands

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 2:46 pm

amother wrote:

IMNSHO, give her a call, and tell her that you won't be needing her any longer. You'll be paying her what's due, plus one week. Would she prefer that you leave it with your MIL, or that she drop by to pick it up.

Does your MIL have the same issues with her?

enter

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 2:50 pm

amother wrote:

I actually find this way of thinking quite offensive. It doesn't sound like you mean to be offensive, but look at it this way. It's totally fine to end with your cleaning lady - yes, that's the nature of the industry. However, this woman has been working by OP for a year or two - that's no small amount of time! You need to end on a nice note for HER sake, so that she can leave this job with her shoulders up and feel good that she, too, is moving on. A year or two is a long time to end up leaving with a bitter taste. Can you see that?

OP - I do not think you have to feel bad about letting her go. I do not think you should involve your MIL in this at all - it's actually none of your business when she's "going to be at your MIL's anyway". When she comes to work for you, let her do the job one last time. My suggestion is that you are totally upfront, although not rude: Thank you very much for your service until now, but I will not need you again. You do not need to give excuses or reasons, and certainly don't lie. My suggestion would be that you give her feedback, almost as a side-point.. So, after you've said - thanks but I don't need you anymore, full-stop, you can say what you did like about her - you kept her for a while, hopefully you did that because there are good things she did. For example: you were responsible / always with a smile / never had a problem to do anything I asked / pleasant manner / trustworthy / AND also add that in the future, as a tip, you suggest that she _______ (fill in the blanks) pick up all the toys / make sure to leave the place dry / work a little quicker / get the corners / fold all the laundry.

No lies. Simple, clear, to the point, and, please, honest. Just be honest, whilst still being nice, it is possible. Just because she didn't get the message when working for you, doesn't mean she won't now, after losing her job. And, money, is considerate. $100 sounds very decent, she'll (hopefully) feel like she's being paid the extra week. Chocolate won't do it, that's cheesy and cheap IMO.

Last edited by enter on Thu, Mar 02 2017, 2:53 pm; edited 1 time in total

octopus

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 2:52 pm

My position can be terminated in a moment's notice, and I don't get a week's pay if that happens. I'm all for treating cleaning help nicely (I even pay my cleaning lady on days that I cancel- even though in my own field if I don't work, I don't get paid), but severance pay? I think that is too much. I once had a very bad cleaner, and I told I simply could not afford to have help. My thoughts were : I cannot afford to have lousy help. I thanked her and paid her (for that day) and that was that.

enter

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 3:05 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Although I mentioned it in my above post, I will mention it again because I think it's so important:

When she goes to your MIL, what she does at your MIL, is, frankly none of your business. She has two, separate clients, no matter where the money does or doesn't come from. Do not involve your MIL in this at all! What you speak to your MIL is up to you, however, I think it's really important to separate the two jobs.

Personally, I think it's politer that you have her come clean for you one last time than just giving her a call.

tichellady

Thu, Mar 02 2017, 3:07 pm

octopus wrote:

Do you think it's nice that your employer could fire you without notice?

There is a difference between firing someone after after a day or a few and a year or two so I don't think your situation was the same at all.

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