How does it feel to be wealthy

amother

Lime

Sun, Mar 05 2017, 9:59 pm

I can't tell you how it feels to be wealthy but I will say that I come from more money then my dh does and I'm a lot more "spoiled". He has more of an I can do attitude, I can manage with whatever while I'm like I need a big enough kitchen... I'm a SAHM and I think I would fall apart if I had to work. Granted I have mental health issues which run in my family so it's hard to say how much is due to that and how much is due to my grandparents having "money". Growing up I never even considered myself spoiled- I would wear hand me downs etc... but I didn't have to "work" like my dh did.

zaq

Sun, Mar 05 2017, 10:45 pm

It probably makes a difference if the person was born into wealth or came into money later in life,and what the person is doing with that money.

But you know there are small things that can make a person of modest means feel rich. It can be something like getting a secondhand appliance or vehicle that saves you much shlepping, or it can be some small luxury like a single serving of a very pricey chocolate or ice cream. Or corny as it sounds it can be something money can't buy, like a loving family or good friends.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Mar 06 2017, 5:24 am

OK I have a LOT to say about this.
I grew up Ina wealthy family..Not in the US so maybe it's different.
When I lived in the US I was very poor...I was homeless at some point and used to walk instead of taking public transportation.. when I got married we also had no money... Literally barely paid for a hole in the wall in rent, never bought new clothing..My wedding was a complete chessed affair I couldn't even pay for the dress fee from a Gemach.
...
Fast forward a few years later... Husband and I are very ambitious. And we decided to literally make a concrete plan on how to make more money...
We wanted to get out of poverty because we have been recepient of so much chessed that we want to give back to other. Davka because I know what poverty feels like I want to be wealthy so I can help other poor people get on their feet.
Also because it's hard being poor. Yes we were grateful and we saw had HaShem in so many ways but it's HARD to have to ask or to hunt for 2 ND hand and hand me downs so that you can have money left for diapers.
So here is how it feels like to be wealthy:
Money makes you more of whatever you ALREADY are.
If you are kind money will allow you to be kinder
If you like traveling now u can afford the funnest best trip
If you are depressed now u can be even more depressed AND get the best therapist or meds or whatever.
If you were growth oriented you ll have access to more resources and grow even more.

One of the.main reasons I personally want more wealth is because it makes things easier. If u have an idea it's easier and faster to execute. Also knowing that your kids are fed, clothed well, taken care of...That when the new school years you don't need to search for 2 ND hand things u can buy new and even nicer clothing back packs etc.
I m very aware of spoiling my.kids...We talk about how hard we work to make $$ possible and how it's all up to HaShem etc...But I plan to help them learn the value of working hard and acquire it for themselves because from my own upbringing I know that was a tough adjustment

I have young kids so shidduchim isn't happening yet

nw11

Mon, Mar 06 2017, 5:42 am

I am not wealthy but I do have contact with wealthy people, and I am starting to see things from the other perspective. Of course it's wonderful to be able to buy whatever you want and to have help etc. However, like everything else in life, wealth comes with a huge price tag. Firstly, there is lack of privacy. Every small move is scrutinised by the wider community. Which makes unpleasant situations like illness,separation or divorce a lot worse. Then there's the judgement and the jealousy, which often causes a certain loneliness. One is always afraid of ayin hara. Then there's the never ending line of meshulachim at all times of day or night, as well as the daily deluge of appeal letters. Wealthy people are usually at the receiving end of flattery and inflated praise, simply to encourage them to open their wallets. They often crave sincere compliments and acceptance into mainstream society rather than feeling like they are on a pedestal. I'm sure there's more, but like I said, I personally wasn't tested in this area.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Mar 06 2017, 5:59 am

I grew up in a low income family. Now, I am by no means wealthy, but coming from a poor family, just being comfortable makes such a difference. I do compare prices, shop at discount stores, I don't splurge, etc. but, I am not desperate to always find the cheapest thing, and we can afford the occasional luxury (what we consider luxuries - I guess they may be standard things in other communities).
I can afford many extra-curricular activities for the kids, don't have to worry how I can afford therapy or other help they may need. I can buy the kids new clothes whenever they need them without a second thought (growing up buying new clothes was a big deal). We can afford the occasional vacation or meal out.
When we decide against a buying a big-ticket item or a expensive vacation - it's because we are prioritizing, it's a choice we're making, we can at least consider these things even if they are not in our budget. It feels great, it's one less thing to worry about.
However, I don't know what it would mean to be wealthy though. I don't even know I I'd like to be very wealthy. I would prefer to have more means than I do today, I would like to live in another community that is beyond my means, for instance. I also wish we didn't need the income from my job and I could either stop working or work very part time. I don't know if I wish I had an entirely unlimited budget though.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Mar 06 2017, 6:09 am

We are not wealthy but my dh's business is becoming more and more successful.
It has made life considerably easier.

I grew up in a poor family and it was extremely hard. It effected everything.
My parents were constantly fighting over money.
I always felt insecure and anxious due to my parents worries about money. Its a big deal for me to not have these worries.
I do feel that my kids are a little spoiled (spoilt? Never know which one it is)

Its usual for them to go out to eat and get a lot of things they want. That's a matter of chinuch though.

amother

Lime

Mon, Mar 06 2017, 9:29 am

again we aren't "wealthy" but just some thoughts on what people have said. Recently we inherited some money and gave maaser on it. The lady in charge of where we gave us told us how amazing we were bla bla bla while it felt good to be told that we are so great Wink

I couldn't help wondering what was so amazing that we "received" more money then other people in the community and therefore had more maaser or that we chose to give it to her place instead of some place else? I couldn't help but wonder especially since she seemed all impressed that we didn't want our name connected to the donation but why would we? Why would we want to get a reputation of being "Wealthy" especially if we aren't really and this was a one time thing?

I think the never ending line of meshulachim is due to giving significant money to the meshulachim, we never did. If we had significant money to give we would give it to an organization or people we know. Or we would give it to the local rabbi to hand out....

I agree that having money allows you to fulfill your dreams more easily. I see that with my husband and his friends in terms of work- he can take bigger risks easier since we know we have savings. I can pick up a hobby even if it costs money without having to worry that it will break the bank... I'm still the type to compare prices, feel guilty spending but I realize that I really do have leeway then my friends who are living pay check to pay check.

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Mar 06 2017, 9:57 am

I grew up wealthy although because I had survivor parents, we were mostly frugal.

Now we are struggling significantly, my DH has been jobless for a few months.

The difference is the... I would say almost a carelessness, or the carefree part of wanting and getting. Don't know if this is even coming out clearly. For me, it is such a stark difference. Like if I wanted something and it wasn't "crazy" I could have it. Of course, if I wanted a gold covered car that wouldn't happen, I'm no arab sheik. But if I wanted something reasonable, there was nothing preventing me from having it. And I was never conscious of that being something special, it just was a matter of course.

Now, we fight over the stupidest things and I have no idea how to make supper from nothing. I stare at my husband and kids who are still so fussy, no milchigs no this no that. And I don't know how to get it in their heads that we can barely afford chicken on the bone and cutlets are double the price and a luxury right now. And yes its eggs or macaroni, that's it.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Mar 06 2017, 10:09 am

amother wrote:

OK I have a LOT to say about this.
I grew up Ina wealthy family..Not in the US so maybe it's different.
When I lived in the US I was very poor...I was homeless at some point and used to walk instead of taking public transportation.. when I got married we also had no money... Literally barely paid for a hole in the wall in rent, never bought new clothing..My wedding was a complete chessed affair I couldn't even pay for the dress fee from a Gemach.
...Husband and I are very ambitious. And we decided to literally
Fast forward a few years later... make a concrete plan on how to make more money...
We wanted to get out of poverty because we have been recepient of so much chessed that we want to give back to other. Davka because I know what poverty feels like I want to be wealthy so I can help other poor people get on their feet.
Also because it's hard being poor. Yes we were grateful and we saw had HaShem in so many ways but it's HARD to have to ask or to hunt for 2 ND hand and hand me downs so that you can have money left for diapers.
So here is how it feels like to be wealthy:
Money makes you more of whatever you ALREADY are.
If you are kind money will allow you to be kinder
If you like traveling now u can afford the funnest best trip
If you are depressed now u can be even more depressed AND get the best therapist or meds or whatever.
If you were growth oriented you ll have access to more resources and grow even more.

One of the.main reasons I personally want more wealth is because it makes things easier. If u have an idea it's easier and faster to execute. Also knowing that your kids are fed, clothed well, taken care of...That when the new school years you don't need to search for 2 ND hand things u can buy new and even nicer clothing back packs etc.
I m very aware of spoiling my.kids...We talk about how hard we work to make $$ possible and how it's all up to HaShem etc...But I plan to help them learn the value of working hard and acquire it for themselves because from my own upbringing I know that was a tough adjustment

I have young kids so shidduchim isn't happening yet

[u]

If you don't mind me pointing out the the bolded is kind of silly, misleading, and oversimplifying. The idea that families with tuition and bills can be "ambitious, and have a plan" and then become wealthy is nonsense. True, I suppose it's almost impossible to be wealthy without being ambitious (unless your born into it) But the overwhelming majority of ambitious, hard working people don't become wealthy.

amother

Beige

Mon, Mar 06 2017, 11:59 am

Dont agree. My dh is one of those ambitious make a plan people. Things were really tight when we first were married. 4 yrs of night college and now he is in a big firm. Not rich but with a plan. I have no doubt he could make a milion/yr one day. He worries about how to make that happen when hes forty though not fifty. Making a plan and sticking to it is hard. It means accepting salary setbacks in order to get ahead. It means working full time, being in night college, and getting up at the crack of dawn to study for the bar/CPA/Nclex. It means not having the baby you so desperately want so that you can have it a year later with peace of mind and in good health. It's not easy but it's possible.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Mar 06 2017, 12:51 pm

amother wrote:

The difference is the... I would say almost a carelessness, or the carefree part of wanting and getting. Don't know if this is even coming out clearly. For me, it is such a stark difference. Like if I wanted something and it wasn't "crazy" I could have it. Of course, if I wanted a gold covered car that wouldn't happen, I'm no arab sheik. But if I wanted something reasonable, there was nothing preventing me from having it. And I was never conscious of that being something special, it just was a matter of course.

.

Wealth is relative. I spent my childhood above the poverty line but not that far. My folks counted pennies and my mom would walk to three different markets to get whatever was on special at each one. Our menu was quite basic, and we never had brand-name anything. Olives? Avocadoes? Salad dressing? Never. That was for rich people. At the same time, my dad refused to consider himself poor and apply for any kind of public assistance.

B"H we are no longer in that situation. However, we aren't remotely wealthy by current standards. When we applied to the school's scholarship committee for a tuition break, the organizer looked at my salary and said "that's not much, is it?" The thing is, I thought it was rather a good salary, compared to what I came from. I feel rich because, while I still consider olives, avocadoes and salad dressing to be luxury goods, I don't have to pass them up or calculate what I need to give up in order to have them. I can buy them any old time I want. This makes me feel quite wealthy, but we're talking about indulgences of literally a few dollars each. I don't need to buy a custom sheitel or Jimmy Choos to feel rich.

amother

Cerise

Mon, Mar 06 2017, 1:13 pm

I never understood all this negatively towards the more financially endowed.

We aren't constantly getting hounded for our money like others have mentioned. We do have genuine friends, many of whom have money as well.

It's quite nice to live without having to worry about how we're going to pay for the most basic items needed. We don't take vacations often because many times, more money means more work on our part to maintain this livelihood. We still deal with many similar problems. We're not immune to anything just because we have money. A big thing for me is the medical care we receive and not having to make a choice between paying for a much needed procedure or using the money for food or rent/mortgages.